A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So yesterday I was kissing my boyfriend with tounges in a public place and kissing on his neck and he was like "please don't put your tounge in" so I apologized and he cornered me and told me how I was going too fast and he wanted me to slow down because I'm his first girlfriend and he's a virgin (I'm not), and he knows he wants to lose it to me but he just wants us to get to know each other for a few months. And I apologized profusely and stopped anything remotely sexual, felt terrible. But then later, when he was drunk, he told me he had brought with him a packet of condoms which he brought the day before; and did we want to have sex? Obviously I said no because not only is it too early for me to have sex (only 2 weeks!!!) in a relationship; he clearly wants his first time to be special after our conversation and I didn't want to abuse him when he was drunk. But I don't understand? Why would he buy a packet of condoms (when sober!) and suggest sex after telling me he wanted me to respect him more?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (31 March 2013):
 Consider this young man's youthful age.....
Even after DECADES of trying to entice you girls in to bed... .MOST of us guys don't know how to handle such matters......
Soooo, he gets a "pass" for being awkward.... but an "Attaboy" for having a condom in his pocket....
After all that (is said)... you and he (still) have to decide if you'd like to "get it on". YOU have all the "power" (the treasured PLACE!!!!).... so YOU get to make the decision....
Good luck....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): He's being hypocritical, but then again it's very natural for him to be confused about sex. It sounds as if he's trying to exercise some control over what he has knows little about. He's likely afraid of sex (why he reproached you for kissing intimately in public) but nervously eager to try it out at the same time (why he waits till he's drunk to tell you he wants to have sex) If he's asking when he's drunk, he's not ready.
If you're not a virgin, he's probably also putting a lot of machismo pressure on himself to be virile, manly, sexually competent, etc. because he wants to impress you. He might think you want sex and you might get bored with him if he refuses to provide it. We get a lot of questions from men in his shoes on this site. This is just one, but I suspect he's going through many of the same confidence issues:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-19-and-still-a-virgin-is-this.html
If you like him, be patient and keep doing what you're doing. You might explain that you don't want to have sex until you and him are comfortable.
If there are other issues and he's controlling in other aspects of your relationship, he's probably just trying to lose his virginity and you might be better off ditching him.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): You behaved too aggressively. He is inexperienced, and he wants to move it along at a slower pace. Chances are, if you do have sex, he wants to be able to feel he is performing up to your expectations. If you take off leaving him behind, he feels too awkward to catch up. It is presumed that you're not a virgin?I'm not going to preach, but I'm glad he has the common sense to include condoms. You had better slow your jets, and consider the possibility of pregnancy. You're starting at a very young age, and the odds are against you when it comes to teenage pregnancy. You were ready to go without protection.You need to be emotionally and mentally mature enough to handle sex. You need to understand more about boys and the dynamics of when sex comes into play in a relationship. He is young and confused. Getting drunk under age is disastrous, and things may get out of control; because everyone is uninhibited under the influence of alcohol.Thus, the proper precautions may be overlooked. You don't understand anything because your hormones have gotten ahead of your common sense. You're too eager to plunge into adulthood and your mind has hardly matured to the degree necessary to understand what you're doing, and the consequences.I hope he waits and takes his time. I'm not sure if you will. He had to slow you down because you're ready to push a two week relationship to the level even most adults would approach with caution.He'll get sex, and he hasn't even fully solidified a real relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): Because he is lying. May be he is a virgin, but what 17 years boy wants to take things slowly. Pleeeese, don't believe everything horny young boys tell you, most of them will say anything to get in your panties, trust me.
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