A
female
age
30-35,
*mgem
writes:I've been talking to this guy on MSN for about a year. He's a friend of my cousin. We live about a 3-hour drive from eachother. I have known him for more than a year and things have got serious to the point that he says he loves me and I admit that I do reply back saying the same thing. I am not sure what love is and a couple of days ago he asked me if I still loved him (kind of his daily ritual) and I said I "didn't know", when normally I would have just said "yes". It's caused soo much drama between us. I've been in lots of relationships and when they end I get really upset and i'm scared that it will happen again and i'm sick of crying over the same mistakes. I want to end what we have even though he means the world to me because what if i'm wrong again? I don't want to cry again. I have never liked someone as much as I like him but I still could be wrong. I think I want commitment and stability but I can't really have that, especially with the relationship we have (via MSN). He said that he will love me forever, no matter what, but I can't bring myself to believe him. I want him to be able to actually go out with someone he likes and lives by. I don't want to stop him having normal relationships just because he likes me. I think its silly to have really intense relationships on MSN because its just not the same as the real thing. What should I do? Should I trust him with my heart or just end what we have now?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): I would not first off not assume that just because the relationship is over MSN that the feelings he feels or that you feel towards him are not genuine. Yes I have been in a relationship similar to this and the feelings we felt for one another were on a level we had never before felt. We have both dated other people prior and since then and no connection we ever had prior or since then has EVER compared to the level of compassion in that relationship. Simply put, in my eyes, when you have a relationship such as over MSN etc. its based off of personality on an emotional and intellectual level compared to the physical level that too many base things off of.
When you get to the point that you know how the other is feeling, what they're thinking before they say it, and just an all around general understand for the person on a metal level instead of having physical involvement it thrusts the relationship into a whole new genre.
If you love him you already know it. Let go of any inhibitions you have and speak true to who you are and what you feel. Don't let anything influence you, and that includes close friend or distance. In life there is one true thing, and thats Love. You can't explain it, you can't control it, and you sure as hell can't ignore it for forever. You may feel it but just don't know because you've never felt it before. You may be trying to suppress the feelings but eventually if you keep in this relationship it will come out if it's meant to be. Just be yourself and let your feelings speak true. And if you do not feel love or strong feelings for him the tell him. If you truly care for him then you owe him if nothing else the truth. You then both need to decide whether or not you either want to take this to the next level and move some where to be together or if it's just best to end it now. But whatever you do, don't lead him on because in the end you'll only hurt him and yourself more and waste the precious time in your lives to have developed another relationship. And I think you know in your heart if it will work out or not regardless of time, age or distance.
A
female
reader, TaylorChu  +, writes (18 August 2007):
 I think instead of using MSN to speak to each other you should call each other. It is VERY easy to supplement emotions from your side into IM chats and feel that both of you are on the same page. When you talk on the phone you get the emotional added element. After that meeting in real life and being around the person is what tells you about the person 100%. Since he is a cousin's friend, go visit your cousin and you AND that cousin see how this guy really is toward you (NEVER meet someone from the internet by yourself!!).
Also remember that you are young. Loving relationships are an adult thing and deal with adult issues. Love is the greatest force out there and you should be willing to sacrifice yourself for it. Not many teens your age would be willing to die for their lover, clean up their puke or even catch a cold while taking care of the person they love. It goes deeper than just holding hands and having someone to talk to. You want to trust the person you love with your very life not just shared goals or music preference.
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A
female
reader, rachy-baby-helps +, writes (18 August 2007):
 I dont think its at all silly to have a relationship over msn. I wouldn't trust him with all your heart especially if you haven't met him, you don't know if he is who he says he is. If you've seen a picture of him it might not be him, but web cam is a safe bet.
I know how you feel because I have a relationship consisting mainly of the msn, and it's been working for 8 months, i only met up with him 3 months ago (along with our parents)
I would say that you do like this guy alot and it would be silly to end it, even if you are right. At least until you've met him, because from what I have read it seems like you have genuine feelings for this guy.
If he's a friend of your cousins then surely you could arrange to meet him, even if it meant staying at your cousins for a while?
Whatever you decide to do, look at how this relationship could work. Use summer holidays and half terms to meet him, worked for me.
Good Luck :-)
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (18 August 2007):
I'd move on. I doubt that you'll get to see him much and carrying on a relationship through MSN is not a way to go. You know how you sometimes get excited before a first date with someone? I think in a way that's what this is and it's been building for a year. There is much anticipation surrounding this now. What if it happens that you actually started to see him and it turns out that it completely didn't turn out the way you thought it would? Imagine how many potentially good relationships you will have passed up just waiting for this one to actually start. Since it doesn't really seem like you'll have a chance to let this one advance to something other than online, I'd say move on.
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A
female
reader, kazzy35 +, writes (18 August 2007):
Hi,i dont think its silly at all being in this kind o relationship ive been in one and although we met etc it did last 2 years unfortunatley it didnt work out but was nothing to do with msn or distance.I understand fully how you feel about crying and getting hurt as im in a long distant relationship at th moment and everyday the same questions go thru my head " what if he get fed up cos of the distance" or " what if he cheats" the usual stuff but i akso know that while we are in a relationship like this we talk more rather than the usual boy girl meeting jumping into bed all the time. This way we spend more time as you do chatting and getting to know the real person, you learn alot from this and if he feels like he says about you grab it who knows what will happen as my bf is planning on moving down here and he is the best one ive had yet. This guy as you said means the world to you dont throw it away cos of the situation just remember its not a problem just an inconvenience that eventually can be sorted. Just remember you have to go through alot of shit men to find the right one this could be him. x
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