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*acsma
writes: This is very complicated. My ex husband and I had a child before we were married. He bailed after he found out I was pregnant. We reconciled when our son was 8 mos. old. Married for 3 years. Been divorced for 3 years. We broke up mainly because he was jealous of my love for our son and I didn't have a lot of time for him. We both moved on and he is with a new girl (14 yrs younger than he). I can't date yet. I still love him. I know he still loves me. His girlfriend is a distraction because he simply cannot be alone. He has self esteem issues as a result of being molested as a child. Won't let people in, angry at the world, control issues, etc. yet, fears being alone. I want to help him but we cannot communicate and there are trust issues because everyone in our lives thinks we should stay apart, except for our 7 yr old son. He wants his parents together, and I know we want to be together again too. I don't want to hurt his girlfriend. but I know in my heart he doesn't love her and he wants to be with me. He just doesnt know how to attempt the reconciliation. Neither do I. But we have a family to repair! I'm scared he will marry her and make a big mistake. How on earth do I tell him I still love him when he is too afraid or stubborn to listen??
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female
reader, CANNOLI  +, writes (19 March 2008):
i thinks you should try and work it out with your ex. my sons are devasted till this day since we got divorced after 27 years my life is no better today than when we were married in fact it is quite a bit harder. i miss him every day i talk to him every day and see him once in a while. can we get back that is all i hope and pray for every day. i do not ever want to be with someone else be sure and think it through do not just jump into or out of a marriage
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female
reader, doodle +, writes (11 February 2008):
Honestly, It soounds like you need ot move on. I am dealing with my boyfriends Ex right now. They have two adorable children together. They split because the realtionship turned toxic. After the on and off again thing "for the kids" J finally said enough. It was doing the girls, age 4, more harm than good. She is still hung up on him after two years. I think it's natural for parents to feel "connected" but that doesn't mean there is still love there. J for certain is over his ex...he can barely stand her even but she still holds out from starting new relationships in hopes that one day...I don't think it's healthy to wait around for a man who is hung up on another woman. You are too good for that. She could find a new guy and be happy but instead she comes off as desperate and sad. It's hurting the girls seeing their mother depressed. Bad situation all together.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): It sounds to me like maybe he is wanting to move on and you're in denial. I am with a man who had a rocky relationship with the mother of his children for five years before he decided he had had enough. It was a very toxic on again off again for the kids type thing. It did none of them, kids included, any good. He and I have been happily seeing each other for two years but she is still holding out hope they'll one day get back together. They won't. He's done with it. My advice is you move on and stop wasting precious energy on a man who is hung up on another woman. Focus on your child. You will find someone who you're not "waiting" around for that will love you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): It sounds to me like maybe he is wanting to move on and you're in denial. I am with a man who had a rocky relationship with the mother of his children for five years before he decided he had had enough. It was a very toxic on again off again for the kids type thing. It did none of them, kids included, any good. He and I have been happily seeing each other for two years but she is still holding out hope they'll one day get back together. They won't. He's done with it. My advice is you move on and stop wasting precious energy on a man who is hung up on another woman. Focus on your child. You will find someone who you're not "waiting" around for that will love you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2007): My husband and I also separated because he could not put up with my jelousy. He too found a younger girl as a distraction but has since attempted to come back but won't give up the girl unless I said a definate yes as he can't be alone. I too still love him but cant forget the hurt he caused. For you, I think if you do not tell him how you feel you will always be wondering what if. The worst he can say is no but at least you would have tried and if he really did want to come back he would say so. I am too hurt to have my husband back but I can't imagine being with anyone else but some things happen for a reason which I think it did in my case. But for you, if when you think of you both being together again and it makes your heart jump then it is probably the right thing to do. If it makes you tense to think of how your relationship would be if you were together again then maybe it not the right thing to do.
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reader, Your big sis +, writes (10 June 2005):
 Trust and communication are the basic building blocks of a relationship. If you don't have the base, how can you lead a successful relationship? I think you should listen to your family and friends. After all, they know you and they care for you. Sometimes when your head is mixed up in your feelings, it's hard to see your relationship for what it really is. I know it is hard to raise a child in a single parent situation. I've done it. But in this instance, I think you should listen to those who love you.
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reader, dod19851985 +, writes (10 June 2005):
Sorry for my spelling. This is just my view on your situation at the minute. It does not matter what your x's new girlfriend wants, it dosent even matter what your son wants but what u and your x want. if u both still love each other then u have to give it a try other wise u will always regret not doing so neither of you need to give in but meet in the middle sit down with him and tell him how u feel then ask him to do the same and try to come to a middle ground the worst that can happen is you realise that u cant be together at leats you will know wont you hope all goes well and my best wishes
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reader, Angel-lee +, writes (10 June 2005):
Write him a letter. It's always the best way to deal with break ups!! tell him everything you feel, no matter how long it takes. He is definately more likely to read a letter 10 pages long, than to sit down and have a conversation with you where you are both wanting to get your message across. If it's in front of him, he WILL read it. Write down everything you feel and make sure you remind him that you love him dearly. Men sometimes need reminding that you still love them, they easily put things to the back of their heads and dont think about them until these things are staring them in the face.It might seem a bit old fashioned but it works.
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