A
female
age
41-50,
*issyMuir
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we have a 4 year old daughter together but I'm not in love with him anymore and I can't decide if I should stay or go.To everyone else we have the perfect relationship which we do but it's not what I want. I'm a very social person and before getting with my boyfriend I used to travel round the country go on holidays and meet new people/friends. I though that he was too, as we used to always be out or round friends houses but since having our daughter and living together I realised it was all about drinking and not the social side of things. Now we have our own house he has no need to go out or visit friends as he can drink at home.I'm wanting a different life, one like what I used to have - within reason as I have my daughter and she always comes first - I don't even work now as he wants me to be a stay at home Mum so I have no money to do anything and I always get the 3rd degree if I ask for any even if's for our daughter, like new shoes or even £3.00 to take her swimming.I do love him but like a friend or a brother as we get on really well and have things in common but have different priorities.As I don't work and have no money I don't really get to spend much time apart from him (even though we don't really talk or do anything when we do have time together) but he has to work away for 2/3 weeks (weekends at home) and doesn't want to go and I can't wait, I'll be inviting friends and family over. I told him I can't wait for him to go!!He thinks things are ok between us, but then he would as he has the life he wants but I don't.I walked out at the weekend but I had to come back because he was with our daughter.I think deep down I want to leave him but I have no job, friends or anywhere to go but my Mum's. I would only stay there on a temporary basis as it would be a big step back as I left 8 years ago when I was 18.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Traceyann +, writes (3 April 2010):
If you know in your heart that you do not love him - get out now!!! Dont make the mistake I have made and stay - u will regret it. I stayed for the sake of the kids. Im still there, but I spend every day thinking of leaving. Its your choice.
A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 I think thats the most sadistic thing you can do, and says alot about you as a person, to let him think everything is ok then just up and dump him, I got no use for someone like you, I just had the same thing done to me, and it's nausiating, just keep leading him on, thats what you should do, Im sure he has a whole different outlook on the situation, but basically what your saying also is you want to be free of responsibilities like when you met him, maybe he doesnt want you to work because he figures what person wouldnt like doing whatever they want all day? I think you need to grow up, thats what I think!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): The only person that can make this decision is you. us 'agony aunts' can influence or advise you, but at the end of the day, you have to weigh up the pros and cons. theres two quotes i think would help...
if you follow your heart, you'll end up doing what you love.
but
you never realise what you got till its gone.
i hope it all works out for you x
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (10 March 2010):
 If you don't love him, then you don't love him. You aren't doing either of you a favor, not even your daughter. I dont' see why you have to ask us total strangers if you should leave or not darlin...life is short, and if you aren't happy, and don't have the right feelings, WHY are you still there?
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Have you tried talking to him, letting him know your not happy anymore, how your feeling?
Write a list of the good things you have with him vs the negitive things / problems. Look at each one in turn and give yourself clear reasons why.
Dont just leave him without giving him a chance to fix things, but to be honest if your trying to change him totally its probably not going to work but if he loves you then he should at least meet you half way.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (10 March 2010):
 This is just like my friend's story. She lives in the UK,was with her husband for 7 years...no job...she wasnt in love with him anymore...we kept talking about what she can do,and I told her she can have the type of life she wants! and it happened! One year later,she has divorced him,and is happy with a new boyfriend! She had no job at the beggining,then she found a job at a local fruit market,saved her money and TA-TA!!! He kept begging her to come back,but she only loved him as a friend.She was 26,she wanted to live her life the way she wanted. She still thanks me for advising her.
So my friend,i give the same advice to you.Noone can tell you how you should live.
First of all,do you have a college degree? If you don't ,you can go back to your moms,find a job and start taking some classes. When you finish your degree,you'll be able to find a better job,aka better money and move out.
Try to reconnect with all your past friends now that your boyfriend is going away. They might also help you with a job.
You have to be careful about the impact this will have on your child.
Good luck!
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