A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi ok i really need help. i knew that my boyfriend watched porn, and i was a little hurt but i just didnt really think anything of it. but now ive realised he watches it EVERY day even yesturday when it was his BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! i was with him all day bar 2 hours where he must have watched it. we had sex in the morning and at night why did he need to watch it! we have an amaaazing sex life we literally have done everything and he loves me and i love him we have been together for nearly a year. but i really want to end it, it hurts me every day even now when he comes near me at the minute im starting to feel a little disgusted when he touches me. ive tried talkin to him but he just laughs it off. i know im probably being stupid ending a pretty good relationship just over porn but if i feel uncomfertable and hurt by it. what do i do? what if he thinks of these women while hes touching me. i understand if we didnt have sex everytime we see each other but we do! please help i really dont see how i can stay with someone who hurts me like this. thanks a lot.
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male
reader, The Great Mark Says  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 well the fact is us guys watch porn. almost all of us do. mainly at a younger age when our sex drive and penis are both up and at their highest. guys are visual type people normally and need to see to be stimulated. so really the porn means nothing to us. its just a filler to get us off. just like women read erotic novels sometimes. im pretty sure your guy isnt thinking about other women and porn when your having sex. hes probably focusing on you and taking in all of your hotness in the moment. but a good thing to do is sit him down and talk to him. ask him why he watches porn. and if you really dont like him watching it. then take some pictures or videos of you. then give the pics and videos to him. i bet money on he will be wicked happy and pleased with those. and probably look at those instead of the porn. give him some material so he doesnt have to search the Internet for it. good luck and have fun
A
female
reader, brklynsis81 +, writes (18 May 2010):
 I respectfully disagree with first response. Some guys do occaisionally watch porn but I think this guys porn watching seems excessive. His desire for sex seems insatiable. To me it sounds as though he has a sex addiction. For some women the porn/sex addiction may be acceptable but I know for me it would not be - I would constantly be worried he might cheat. Sadly, unless he was open to sex addiction treatment, I would leave him.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 May 2010):
 For starters, he isn't thinking of pornstars when you're together. Men use porn to masturbate. Some develop an addiction, but for most it is simply a tool. We could care less about the individuals performing, it is just a visual to help us achieve an orgasm.
If you are mostly happy with this relationship, please talk to him and don't let him "laugh it off." Let him know this hurts your feelings, that you understand that he may need to relieve himself, but situations like on his birthday it hurts your feelings. If he is a good guy he will take your feelings into consideration.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): This might be the wrong forum to get advice as you will receive lots of very conflicting messages which may serve to confuse you rather than help. Either way, here goes. Your bf has a problem and if he continues the problem will get bigger. Years ago, Naomi Wolf wrote "the porn myth" about the effects of porn on men and their relationships. And, on the whole she was right. I have experienced with my other half how his porn watching, and what he thought was his right to watch it, interfere with our relationship so much that we stopped having sex. It became a weapon rather than an act of love. And, it was his libido that had wained, not mine, again another symptom of too much porn watching. Does your bf objectify women? Does he like to look at their bums or tits when he is out with you?? Oh, it's so remarkable the pattern they all invariably follow. Now, you have men who are avid fans of watching porn and they feel it is a rite of passage and they will argue until they are blue in the face that it is all normal and natural. What I have experienced and many other women have too, is that they'll watch porn, they'll stop having sex with you, etc, etc. Trust your gut instinct, which us women tend not to do. If you don't like it, then you don't like it and no amount of what we will say will alter your feelings on the matter. You'll even get some so called liberated women saying "all men do it", "watch it with him and see how you feel etc". These women aren't liberated,poor souls, I feel they've learned to put up with it and go against their own gut instincts. It takes a REAL man to understand the delicate nature of a relationship with a women and I'm really not sure what part porn has to play in this. From my experience and those of my friends, all exciting, attractive women whose partners watched porn and then stopped sleeping with them. It may also have something to do with NLP and how the mind associates certain acts with feelings. Don't get me wrong, I have watched porn and I have watched it with my bf. I didn't like it and felt it detracted from what should have been a beautiful act and turned it into something sordid. Men like the thought of a mind blowing f**k and think they would get that from some porn dolly, which we all know, when reality sets in it would be a very different matter. Women are real and human and when men eventually get enlightened and tuned in to this matter, they might see how their actions affect a relationship. I have today had a conversation at work about this very subject, with all extremely intelligent women and we have all had an experience (and not a pleasant one), with a man who insisted on watching porn. Two of us had examples where our bf's tried to introduce porn, and we were willing to give it a try, but found that instead of concentrating on our mutual pleasure, the men ended up watching the porn movie fully rather than interacting with us, their partner. Needless to say my friend and I both had the same reaction of, "well you can switch that off now if that's how you want to play it", and needless to say another barrier was put in between our relationships. I understand how when watching porn, you can feel instantly turned on and that part perhaps is addictive. I genuinely understand this and have the mental capacity to understand how this might in turn affect my relationship with my bf. Porn seems to be far more exciting to watch than the actual reality of sex. So, eventually no matter what you do you will not turn him on if he continues to avidly watch porn. You just won't be exciting enought to him when your "honeymoon" phase of the relationship is over. It will be a relationship built on sand and nothing more. It also contributes to men having a wandering eye!! This I do not understand either. This is where they objectify women and I guess this stems from their porn watching. I am not being mean here but the guys that just don't get this are somewhat spiritually lacking or just plain thick, I am not sure!!! To the men out there, I don't want you slyly looking down at my tits as you walk by, or checking out my arse as I leave a room. If you do that, most decent women just think you are sad fuc**rs really, nothing more. More to be pitied than reviled.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): I think it's best to try to understand why he watches porn. Do some research on google and I think you'd be able to find some logical solutions to this situation and be able to control it better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): Try to have a proper conversation with him.Most guys watch porn. Some hide it very well, others can't. Try and talk it out and see if that works for you. There's always some things aboutt he other person in the relationship that you might not be okay with. After talking it out, see if it works for you. Personally, I wouldn't care if I know my bf loves me and porns a necessity for some of them.
But it depends on you if you feel strongly about it, you might not be okay with it.
Hope that helps.
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