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female
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anonymous
writes: Help! I have been seeing my current boyfriend for 5 months now and he is almost everything anyone could want. Kind, clever, handsome etc. I enjoy spending time with him and we get on really well. He is very caring and i can see us having a long and happy relationship.The only problem is, i can't stop thinking about my ex. I went out with him for 3 months just before i got together with my current bloke. We broke up at his suggestion, as though he liked me he felt we weren't compatible. It all got a bit complicated as he started seeing his best friend, so i kept my distance for a while. But, every time i talked to him he said how much he missed me and still fancied me, not her. He dumped her but i was no longer single. I tried to resist, but whenever we see each other it's clear there is passion there and often we end up sleeping together. Logically i know we would not make a perfect couple but i adore him. How can i stop loving my ex and stop cheating on my boyfriend? Should i dump my boyfriend so i can sleep with my ex with a clear conscience even though i know he is incapable of a proper relationship? Or should i stick with a man who is so good for me and i know i could love if i stopped loving my ex?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): Join the club. Ive fallen into the ex trap and so have many of my buddies.Whether its for a one-nighter or a full blown affair, theres always an ex that we still get along with enough to allow it to happen.In my case my gf had gone on a summer vacation and I was in need of some sex real bad one day....I still had my ex on my contact list and she IM'd me at the right time on the right day and I didnt think twice. Spent most of that month at her place...in bed. I still sleep with that ex on occasion but only when I know its smooth sailing and I dont have to worry about being caught....I dont want to hurt my gf and I dont want to ruin my relationship as this is only a sexual thing
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): Sit and analyze what you want from the ex. If it is just sex, then yes keep going. If you want more, stick to the new guy. It didn't work out the first time and from what you're saying it won't work out this time. If you can honestly say you're not over him, break up with the new guy and take some time getting to know yourself. Be alone. I know I'm probably some random person trying to give you advice, but I'm in a similar situation. I'm still sleeping with my ex, and he has a girlfriend. He's also a cheater and I know I would never want to be with him again, but I like the sex. At the same time I was also dating someone, but I ended it because a little bit inside of me still desires my ex. Until I know what I want, I don't want to hurt the new guy and I don't want to bank on my ex returning to me (cause I honestly wouldn't want him). I'm taking time to myself (with some hot sex to tide me over).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): you should stop seeing him or else that would lead to a more complicated problem that would probably ruin both your life
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): Stop Leading on your current boyfriend, tell him the truth of what you are doing,
As for the other guy - Do you enjoy being used?
Dump him too,if he cannot commit.
The boyfriend you have is probably a good guy, but your interest in him is low. If it was high you would have stayed loyal to him.
You only want the ex because you want what you cant have.
They are both no good for you
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A
female
reader, occali  +, writes (23 July 2007):
I am in the same situation. I started seeing my boyfriend after I found out he was cheating on me with someone who he tried to begin a new relationship with. I totally broke it up, sabataged it, etc... by contacting the chick whose e-mail I found out about.
Anyway, we then became ex's to all of his friends and family But, we kept seeing each other romantically.
Now, 2 months later, he is still seeing other people as he said our relationship started to fall apart over a couple of years, which I agree with. We talked and came to an agreement that we just gave up on each other. But, he says he loves me, and that we love each other, don't we? And he is romantic. But, he will not get back to the way we were as he says he needs time since we "just got back together." I was so desperate to get him back, but he is not back all the way as he tells me there is another woman (besides the one I sabotaged). He wants to let it dissolve naturally while he spends time with me, and realizes how wonderful I really am. I am trying harder now and have read some of the book, Strong Woman by Dr. Laura Slesinger (I recommend every woman to read that book if they want to save their relationship).
I cry without him. I am happy with him.
The reason our relationship fell apart was for money reasons and my not spending enough time with him. We rarely fought. He was lonely and felt incapable of providing for us (my kids from a previous marriage and I) and I started to feel resentful and made plans with everyone else but him. Now, I am so depressed from the breakup, that I don't' see any of my friends, just cry at home alone. I just gained an appetite back but still feel lost.
I miss the wonderful romantic e-mails I used to get from him. Just before he went on vacation with another woman, I sensed something was not right. I gave him back our engagement ring and told him it didn't feel like we were engaged any more. But,I still felt like we were dating. It just wasn't growing any more. I was right when I found him in Europe 3 days later. I wanted to let him go but I cried to him because I was so hurt and I couldn't contact him vie cell phone because he was in Europe. I eventually got through and left desperate crying messages after I got him couple of e mails of how he still loved me but just felt that our relationship had been dissolving for some time. He told me he loved me. Then, I begged for him back. That is why I never let go of him. He got mad when he found out I e-mailed this woman (I got her info from his myspace). When it ended, I was delighted. But, then he told me there was one other girl who was even better than that one. He said he will let it naturally end as he spends time with me. He blocked me from his myspace so I couldn't sabotage that relationship too. But, we still see each other and tell each other that we love each other. But, he won't move in with me or talk about marriage right now.
What do you all think?
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A
female
reader, blooded_rose +, writes (31 December 2006):
I find myself in almost the same situation. I can't stop seeing and sleeping with someone whom although I really love, I cannot have a relationship with. He sends his love, but things aren't clear about our status so I've decided....months ago... to stay away from him. And couldn't do it. I actually just booked an earlier airplane ticket back to uni to see him in between. We don't talk much, since we're still having some distance in between, and if we do it's just casualties.. Just heard tonight from a girl who said she's been a friend of his and not much more, what I've always wished for... and I'm feeling hurt..... I don't know what I'll do but I won't be able to have sex with him when I'll see him. Since he still thinks we're dating, I'll go there and offer the chance to share my sweetness and my bitterness.
And this is my advice to you: just recall all of the things that ended your relationship and see if you can actually still sort them out at present time.
Send me a private message if you need some girly chit-chat. Best of luck! x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): you broke up for a reason. you are not having a 'proper' relationship with your ex at the moment, based on love and who's to say the old problems aren't still there?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2006): Girl go back to your ex
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2005): stay with your ex if you love him, but if you dont try out the new guy longer
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): I dont see you having a long happy relationship at all with the new guy.There is obviously a deficency of some sort with the new guy thats sending you back to the other dude. And there is a moral deficency with you that you keep on sneaking around, allthough its quite clear to you that its a betrayal and you shouldn't be doing it. You need space to figure out what both of these deficencies are. I'd suggest breaking up with both of them and getting some distance and thinking all this through until you have some answers. Until then you are a bad girl friend. To anyone. And since you broke this thing, its up to you to figure out a way to break off with the current bf without the impression that his is such a lousy lover you were left with needs he couldnt satisfy.
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A
female
reader, lillaum  +, writes (8 November 2005):
 Hi there.
You should definitely stop cheating on your current boyfriend! It's just not fare to let him believe you love him when you don't. Your ex boyfriend obviously has some feelings for you, the question is, does he love you or just lusts after you? To uncomplicate things stop sleeping with you ex until you have decided what you are going to do. It sounds like you and your ex do have feelings for eachother so you have three options.
firstly, try and make your current relationship work and stay away from your ex.
secondly, dump your current boyfriend and see if your ex want's to give it another go.
Or dump your current, get over your ex and find someone that loves you like you love them after a good break from relationships so you can find out what you really want.
I would go with the third option, but at the end of the day I don't know who you are or what your relationship is really like with either men.
Good Luck
Lillaum
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2005): You are disrespecting yourself and betraying your current b/f by sleeping with your ex. As hard as it may be to fight the attraction, STOP SLEEPING WITH YOUR EX!!! He's no good for you and he's said it out of his own mouth! If you can continue to settle for just sleeping with him then let your current beau go. He doesn't deserve to be treated and betrayed this way.
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A
male
reader, Calidus +, writes (8 November 2005):
first think to yourself, do i deserve my current boyfriend?
You cheating on him... You'll just hurt him in the long run, and if this devolpes into a ling relationship the guilt at what your doing will eat you alive, especially if he loves you...
Three options dear, either dump your current boyfreind and save him the hart ache of having to find out and then possibly ending it at a later stage where the two of you will hurt each other more then you already are.
Or you could do this, STOP SEEING YOUR EX, CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER AND ALL WAYS HE COULD CONTACT YOU, avoid him and focus on your boyfreind... and tell your boyfreind what you did, then if he does care for you and knows that your now only interested in him, perhapes he'll stay with you and the two of you will be happy.
Worst case scenario he dumps you (which you should give him the right to do, since your not showing any loyalty to him at all and basicaly everything your saying to him is dystroying his trust) and if he does dump you, you can always run back to your ex for those few moments of pleasure.
Also do you love your current? I dont think you said that you do, if you dont love him, tell him that you need to break up... perhapes spare him the details of you cheating to save him alot of trauma, and then hook up with your ex.
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