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female
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anonymous
writes: I really need some advice. I have been in two serious relationships in my past - one for 7 years (he cheated on me and left me for someone else) and one for 2 years (he was very controlling and mentally abusive). I have started seeing somone (who i met on the net). We have been together for 5 months and I love him very much indeed. Due to my past I find it hard to trust people so one day (about 10 weeks into our relationship) i looked on his mobile and found all these messages to some girl - all sexual stuff and saying how he hadn't receieved her pictures yet. I was gutted and confronted him immediately also owning up to the snooping. He poured his heart out to me saying he loved me more than anything and knew that soon he would have to open up to me and he was texting this other girl to realise how much I meant to him and to make sure I was the right girl to open up to - we cried and talked really frankly about it all. Since then we have met one anothers parents and been on holiday together and we get on great. My problem is I am constantly checking his phone or searching internet dating sites for his profile which I have found but most of them he hasn't logged on to since we met - there was one he had but I asked him about it and he said he was trying to delete himself off. Am i fool for giving this another go - I do believe he loves me I just wish i could trust him. He says he has no reason to look elsewhere and i am all the woman he needs (since finding those texts and checking his phone regularly i've not found anything else suspicious) but I don't want to live a life of checking up on him and not trusting him. I don't want to lose him. He does so much for me in lots of ways and we have lots in common. Please help!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2005): Hi
i have the exact same problem. I am 21 and in a gay relationship.I have experienced the same thing with my partner. Although we met at uni and I had to stumble accross these dating sites and found he was registered to them. Prior to this, he had been using cellphone chatrooms talking to other guys. I see this as cheating and incredibly unfair. I still find myself checking on him 24/7 as he is still always on the net. I dont know what to do but i am glad i am not alone. I wanna still be with him, but this crap has to stop. he has said its stopped but i still find myself insecure and in constant battle with technology! GRRRR....
Anyway, we are both in the same boat. I guess put it past you and move on. even though its easier said than done.
A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (8 November 2005):
it's understandable that you find it hard to trust him. you've not found anything untoward since you've been with him. tell him about your past. he will understand why you have such a problem. ask him to just be honest with you all the time. my partner has contacted people on dating sites while i've been with him although he thinks i don't know but i know he doesn't want anyone but me and nothing will happen. try not to be unreasonable with your boyfriend. you may end up regretting it
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