A
female
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anonymous
writes:Please help, I am going out tonight, but I know that the guy I've been seeing is going to end things with me tonight, as he's been withdrawn lately. What really gets me is that it always happens to me, around about a few months into things, every guy I've dated wants to end things. I don't know what's wrong wiht me for guys to keep doing this, it's more than just a coincidence, I don't know what to do, I just want to give up. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Guitarist +, writes (12 June 2009):
 It's odd because i'm the same. Girls always seem to leave me and i never know why so I know exactly how you feel. i'm sorry i cant really help much but if you ever want to talk then i'll definitely listen. Hope all goes well. x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Maybe he won't
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): The only thing i can think of is that you're acting too pushy or desperate at the start because you are so desperate not to have another relationship end. It is an easy trap to fall into and you probably dont even realise you're doing it. Are you constantly the one to ask when you're going to see each other next? Or if he can see you more? Or where the relationship is going? Or what he wants out of it? Do you give him too much attention like texting or calling first and being the one to send sweet messages when he doesn't do the same for you? Do you make all the plans of what you're going to do or buy him things all the time? If so it make come across that you are too desperate or needy and are not enough of a challenge to him so it will become boring.
My advice would be at the start of the relationship don't be too available to him, dont say yes every time he asks you to do something, don't text back instantly and keep replying until he stops, be the one to end conversations or let him send the last text. It will make him wonder when he is going to see/hear from you again. Don't always be the one to call and let him make some of the plans. Dont drop plans you already have to see him.
Maybe you are just going out with the wrong type of boy because you are keen to have a long term relationship no matter who it is with, if so it will soon become boring for both of you. I agree that if he does break up you should push for an honest answer why, as it may help you in your next relationship.
Hope all of this helps and good luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): what are you doing to these men that makes them dump you?? its obviously something your doing! are you having sex with them during early times in a relationship with them??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Try and get him to give you an honest answer why and see if it is the same as other guys. This could help you to look at yourself.
Or maybe it's not you, maybe that's how long people generally go on before they decide whether it's going to work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Make him feel important. Your age did not come through, but most guys never feel important and that is their greatest need.
Guys are very competitive but there can only be one number 1 in any context. How many win a race? ONE. How many become PM of President? ONE. How many date the prettiest girl? ONE. How many are top of the class? ONE. You get the picture. So even though one of the greatest needs is to feel important, most of us never, ever achieve it. That is until a bright lass like you comes along who meets this great need.
Some will argue that it all comes down to sex, and that will be a part of any relationship eventually if you two are heterosexual, but many girls know how to meet that need (and have their needs met at the same time).
I could go on and on explaining the psychological foundations for this but trust me: make him feel important and unless you do something else to create problems, he will stay until you want him to leave.
A friend's daughter who was in her early teens and was just starting to date asked me about how to act with a guy. I told her what I told you. A few weeks later, and she was so serious and so cute, she rang me up and said, "How do I turn it back off. This guy won't leave me alone." I had no answer for that.
Have fun.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (12 June 2009):
 well don't think so negatively hun!!
you thinking he's going to break up with me soon is probably sending out a bad negative vibe towards the boys and that's when they dump you because they feel you've no confidence in the relationship
i know it's difficult because you have had it happen so many times to you but you just need to this right concentrate on what we've got now and worry later!
just be more positive in your relationships don't always think about the end of it keep thinking ahead it'll send out a positive vibe and the guy will feel relaxed around you.
you're probably sending out negative vibes when you get the relationship because you think you know whats "going" to happen and you expect them all to go the same way, just loosen up a bit in the relationship and don't think i know where it'll end up "going" just think we're going forward! and keep plodding onwards.
Hope this helps hun. x x x x x x xbest of luck
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (12 June 2009):
 Maybe you are doing something subconsciously as you have got into the habit of being dumped. X
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