A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidWhenever i ask my bf of 3 yrs for a favours like picking me up from office or doing some errands for me, he will pick up a fight and stop talking to me for days. I have to beg him to talk to me. I stopped asking him for any help or favors. Stupid me, i forgot this rule and yesterday asked him to do something for me and he is being rude to me from that moment, i know he will make me beg him again even to talk to me. If i ask why he does that, he says im irritating him.What should i do now, i dont want to lose him, but i keep forgetting not to expect anything from him. Please help me Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013): Either he is a complete jerk or in the past you have been too needy and dependent and pushy with him and its finally driven him off the edge. I very rarely ask my husband to do errands for me. Why shouldn't I do them myself? His time is just as important as mine. Unless its an emergency. But I know men whose wives or girlfriends constantly give them laundry lists of things to do for them. Past a point that's disrespectful to your partner as it is treating them like your employee. So either you have been doing this in the past and he can't rake anymore, or if you haven't then he is just a selfish jerk.
A
female
reader, ThinkingOverdrive  +, writes (19 March 2013):
He has absolutely no respect for you if he's making you BEG for him to talk to you again. From past experience of this sort of childish behaviour in a 'partner' I'd want out of this sort of situation because you deserve to be with someone who treats you with nothing but love and respect. It's not unreasonable to ask your partner to do you a favour - his reaction is completely unreasonable. If you seriously want to stay with this guy for some reason, just leave him to have his temper tantrums on his own. Don't talk to him whilst he's ignoring you, and certainly don't beg for him to talk to you! That's just enabling his behaviour because you're responding exactly how he wants - he wants all the power in this relationship, and so far he has it. Stop encouraging and endorsing this behaviour, and if he has any sense he should hopefully get the message eventually that his reactions aren't acceptable.If for some reason he takes the other route and tries to break up with you/ something similar because 'you won't apologise' or 'you're doing something wrong', then good riddance - you're far better off without someone like this in your life!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 March 2013):
 Dear OP,
you say you have to BEG him to talk to you after you ask him for a favor and he will pick a fight because he does not wish to do it.
Do you think this is normal and acceptable behavior?
Would you continue to be friends with a person who never wanted to do anything for you and picked a fight and made you BEG them to be with you again? IF you say yes... you strongly need to get into some personal counseling to find out why you think being mistreated by people is acceptable.
You don't want to lose him... ok I understand you feel this way... can you tell me specifically what about him you don't want to lose and how those things OUTWEIGH
being with a partner who can't/won't
help you
support you
do favors willingly for you?
I have many expectations of my husband. People having expectations of you is part of being in a relationship and being an adult.
If he can't manage to run an errand for you, or pick you up at the office... what can he manage to do for you?
Does he expect you to do things for him? Does he have expectations of you? Why is that ok and you having expectations of him is not?
Do not call him
do not beg him to come back
do NOT apologize for asking him to help you... that's what partners do for each other.
My husband is in his second week of recovering from surgery. I've taken on all his household chores while he's recovering and it's KILLING HIM that he can't do anything for me.... when you love someone your goal is to make their life easier and do things to help them whenever you can.
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A
female
reader, Makayla5893  +, writes (19 March 2013):
Are you being sarcastic when you say you forget to not ask favors of him? Because this sounds ridiculous, to be honest. He sounds very immature, self centered and emotionally abusive. Why are you with someone who you can't count on? Do you really believe you aren't worthy of a supportive partner who will treat you with respect and kindness? You need to have higher self esteem and decide that being treated in that manner is unacceptable. He will continue to treat you like dirt if you don't break up with him, because people like this do not change. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (19 March 2013):
This is very difficult for you and painful. In any relationship there has to be give and take and each partner giving a helping hand when needed. I would think long and hard about this relationship. Best Luck Nora B.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): Sorry to be so blunt here, but he sounds like a total jerk. No favors? What about doing things for your partner because you like doing things to make them happy?
I know it's hard, but please seriously consider leaving him. I don't know your relationship, but he sounds incredibly selfish. Try to talk to family, friends, maybe a counselor...I know breaking up is hard, but do you really want a future and a family with someone who won't do a little favor for you? What about having kids?
I think this guy has some serious growing to do before he's ready for that...
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