A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:three weeks ago i found some texts on my husbands phone (he had been out drinking all night with his mates again, and obviously got careless and forgot to delete them) they were not text that i would send to just a friend. "I would give anything to be snuggled up in bed with you now" and "god you are so so sexy" and " we will have to meet up again missing you" she replies "pleased its not just sex between us, u would grow board quickly i love you" i copied these texts so i had a copy. Next morning i confronted him about them his reply was oh she is just a good friend they are only sex texts you know having fun. I struggle to believe him but he reassured me they wopuld stop and it was me and the three kids he wanted. I struggled for almost two weeks trying very hard to accept what he told me and i believed him they had stopped. then OMG saturday night i was looking for the tv controls in the bedroom and what do i find under our matress a prepay mobile. I switched it on and there are more texts "god i wanted to keep you in bed all day today with me" sent on friday, i was shopping with a close friend on friday who has being diagnosed with breast cancer (it was hubbie that suggested that i went out with her for the day) I saw red and instead of been calm and collected i blew my top with him. He became angry with me and turned the blame around on me saying he doesnt trust me and never has in 17 years he insists that it is just texts and he promises he wants me and the kids. He has text her three times to tell her it is over (but wont show me the texts) I am trying very hard to believe him but im struggling. Am i flogging a dead horse here or do i stick at our relationship. Hubbie has a mental health issue with anxiety and therefore drinks far too heavily, just to complicate things. I would appreciate any advice as what to do I love him but dont want to be treated like this every again
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): This is classical cheater behavior.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Hun if u want to be treated with some dignity u will not get that from your hb. He is cheating on you, even after u first confronted you.
He was even more deceitful by having a second cell and lying that he is a faithful hb. Enough! How much more evidence do u need.
Think about this saying: u deserve what u tolerate. So by tolerating his lies and his affair, are u not deserving of the hurt? This saying is a brutal saying but it is an eye opener. It means its time to make the hard decisions and it is time for the lies to stop. Only u can decide whether to leave him, only u can decide to be happy with his lies and his half truths. In the end do what makes u happy but if u choose to stay then plse do not complain.u cannot 'love" a man who abuses u with words and abuses your feelings. Now it is time to make that tough call bec your hb will not stop cheating. He is just not only texting but also having sex with her. U need to wake up and smell the coffee.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Red591  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 KICK HIM OUT. my ex gave me the world to make me believe he was true and about 2 years later i found "text" messages from some whore who threw herself at him while I was working a lot. I threw him out and I am so happy I did. He is with that skank now and they will both get bitten by the karma monster one day. my ex tried to blame me for working too much and not calling enough. He even blamed me for people I dated before we ever went out. People that know they are dog shit will always try and turn it around on you so they can try and convince themself (failingly so) that they are worth something. THEY ARE NOT. DITCH HIM AND text this skank that you are sending him over to her bed but ask her to please not send him back lol
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): C'mon now you can see that he bought that spare mobile so that he could send the messages freely without you seeing them - he lied to your face and carried on. He doesn't want you he wants her - please stop doing this to yourself. You don't want to believe he could be this hurtful but he's been cheating and its clear he is emotionally involved too - very. He wants his cake and eat it - you doing all the household stuff and keeping the family unit whilst he has the fun and excitement. He is using you and is probably a coward - leave him. I couldn't keep up the pretence living with someone that was doing that to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/women-actions-speak-louder-than-words.html
No more excuses, no more lies. You can stick by him and dragged down with him or you can be an example to your kids. An example of someone that did their best but also found the strength to move on when needed be. This is the latter.
Seriously read the article. Nothing he says is true.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): It looks very much like something is going on here. I think you have to take control of the situation. Basically, cards on the table, he must tell you what has gone on so you know what you are dealing with. The texting has to stop as does any form of contact with whoever it is he has been playing around with. You need to draw a line and make it clear that if he wants to be with you all this must end. If he really wants a future with you he will do whatever it takes. I had a friend who was in a similar situation who did not fully deal with it in a strong and determined way (in denial basically)and it just continued for years. So be strong.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 November 2010):
Get a lawyer and take him for all he's worth. He's cheating, he drinks too much, he's blaming you for his own mistakes, and he even liked about it having stopped. They're not just sex texts. He's been having sex with this woman, and he his now making a fool of you and your children. Take him for every penny he's worth, and get away from him.
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