A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So me and my partner seem to by losing our spark, i hardly feel attracted to him anymore but i'm seeing a trend appearing.My first love i started to feel the spark had gone but found out he had cheated so we broke up.My 2nd serious relationship, he cheated we worked at it and the issue became too much but conveniently the spark was going. Same again with my third serious relationship.Although now my beautiful faithful attentive boyfriend, who any girl and many of my friends would adore to have as their beau, seems less attractive to me. He isn't too clingy and clearly adores me. I feel like i'm going mad and need to appreciate him more as he is exactly what i want and need. Sometimes i feel like it doesn't feel right so i should just end it...but surely relationships don't always just feel right? This itchy feet, no spark scenario is coming back but i think now i have no scape goat i am confronted with the issue.I clearly don't know love like i thought.
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female
reader, charliesdevil73  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 I don't know if this is a problem or not, but I have been through it as well. When I was around your age, I couldn't last in a relationship more than 6 months without getting sick of the man. After a while, I just stopped dating. When I asked my mom about it, she said that when I meet the guy that is the one, I will never get bored. After a couple years of not dating, I bumped into an old friend, we started dating, and now we are getting married. So, for me, my mom was right. Maybe it's true for you too. Maybe you need to find your match before you can be completely satisfied and not get bored.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): Well, I just the other day found this sight while looking for an answer to a small problem, and i received some great advice, so I will try and reciprocate by trying to help you understand what you're feeling. Some possible reasons...1) you went through a couple of bad experiences with the previous guys, and your guard, whether intentionally or unintentionally is up, and this is through no fault of your own. You quite rightly don't want a repeat, so you may be thinking of bailing, before you care too much for this guy, to avoid a possible future heartbreak. 2) you are still relatively young, and may subconciously want to keep searching for that "perfect" guy. (That may be a long search, as no one is perfect). I wouldn't want the previous letdowns to cloud your feelings for the present or future relationships you are having, and may have. 3) Your friends may think this present guy is a real catch, but maybe they are just looking at the outer person, and haven't seen him like you have. Don't necessarily base your feelings on what they think. Give it time, and don't make any rush decisions. Time will tell if he is long term material, or if you should be continuing your search. btw...I had some good, and a couple of not so good relationships before i finally found my "perfect" girl. I was 33. We've only had 3 arguments in 15 years, and I fall more in love with her every day. All I can say is, don't settle for second best. When you find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated, be the same to them, and it will work out fine. You've got your whole life ahead of you, so make the most of it. Good luck, and have a great day. Dr. Harvey Glimebinder
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A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (1 April 2011):
Listen,your problem is that you are not used to being treated well. You are used to be in a relationship with big dramas [like cheating]. It is very normal for you to feel awkward when you are truly being loved.If you loose this good guy, you might have big regrets about it. You'll miss him a lot. If the spark is gone, is probably because there are no major issues between you, and that might get to to suspect that something awful is coming. The "spark" that you think is gone is 100% hormonal. With every new relationship, when you just meet them, that hormones will be at their peak. But after 1 year or so, that hormones drop to zero, and you feel you don't feel that spark anymore. At this moment, new hormones come to work, which are more bonding hormones. These hormones make you want a long term relationship. If you have a hormonal imbalance, you might not feel this hormones, and that is why you no longer feel the same.If seen your partner day after day don't make you happy, or rises your mood, try this trick. Try avoid being physically close for a couple of days, until you or your partner can't bear [since it is you who probably have the problem, wait until you can't no longer resist being close to him]. The next time you meet him, you'll feel that spark, or something similar. Trust me, a little consensual distance can reignite the spark if done properly.I am in a long distance relationship [she is 300 miles away] for about 6 month, and I have just seen her once 2 months ago. Before she left, our sex life was a little stalled. But the last time we met, we had incredible sex, it was like if I never wanted her to leave me again. This distance has made me desire her more, and somehow the spark is bigger. [Warning: too much distance might have side effects, such as depression, which I am currently trying to overcome]Do yourself a favor and give this guy a chance!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 With the right person you can never fall out of love. The first two were bad boys, the third was safe, but unattractive. It's good that you don't lead him on because it doesn't feel right. It's even better to not start a relationship in which you can always find a scapegoat of ending it.
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