A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy at work last year. We had a thing, for a few months, until I started to listen to the voice in my head about how he seemed to good to be true and yet always unavailable when I needed him. Surprise he's engaged to his gf of 8 years. I felt stupid, dirty, angry and wanted revenge etc., but my family and two good friends told me the best revenge was to just live my life and have fun. I kept contact strictly business, was never at anytime alone with him. I explored my city, found new gym, signed up for dance lessons, ballet, salsa, tango. Met lots of nice new friends. I date on occasion and I've also taken up running. I've lost some weight an added bonus. people at work notice a new me. Not so quiet way more social, active :)But now, I am in contact with the jerk, on a big project. He has introduced his fiancée to our co-workers. He is bringing her to office gatherings. I avoid them, but it's getting harder. It's almost as if he wants us to meet. From office gossip, she is nice but quiet. We also look alike, when I was curvy. I am starting to get depressed. Want to quit my job, I want to move away. It's weird...why am I feeling this way? He never explained why he led me on, he told me he loved me, even when I cut contact, he never called or asked why or said he was sorry...I almost feel stupid again, for wanting closure. I know he is scum, but why does it hurt now? When everything was going so right for me?
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at work, co-worker, depressed, engaged, revenge Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2011): So, I am assuming he was having a sexual affair with you, while engaged, but you don't say that explicitly.If so, then the best thing to do is tell her.Yes, let her know. This isn't revenge, it is making sure that he doesn't go away, scott free, serially hurting her.At least in your instance, she will find out the truth.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (1 April 2011):
Your depression might be a result of being in this situation and not being able to speak your mind, express yourself and your feelings, and be true to yourself. I don't know if you have had an opportunity to express yourself about the relationship that happened and about how it made you feel when it ended, but it sounds like you have dealt with it and taken some good advice to use the experience as a springboard to make your life better not worse. Howver, you are now in a situation where you are having to be around him and not express everything you went through, you are having to avoid it all. And with avoiding and not expressing yourself can come depression. Most likely, some of the unexpressed feelings from what happened before. It can also be a reminder of love that was lost, or of the pain, feeling horribly about yourself, and anger that you were not able to express to him. Depression is often referred to as unexpressed anger turned inward. There are lots of ways to get it out. I would advise a way that doesn't do any harm, either to yourself or to anyone else. Conversations are a good way, either with friends, a counsellor, or with him if you have the courage Excercise and creative expression are good too. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 March 2011):
 The best revenge is the most difficult one, it's to not get reactive to whatever this scum does or brings to your life. if you can have that inner strength to depend on then nothing can shake you.
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A
female
reader, tunni007  +, writes (31 March 2011):
You are a living breathing Bridget Jones, definitely worth a watch for a mood lifter. I am so proud of you even though i don't know you for getting up and on with things. You don't have to feel dirty or guilty you were the innocent party. If your paths do cross hold your head high, smile politely as they say 'kill them with kindness'. You don't have to leave your job but sometimes it seems the only possibility to get away from things like this and show him how you move on bigger and better. Don't tarnish all men with the same brush as you were burnt you will meet someone. If he does come over with his fiances say hello politely and excuse yourself. You need not justify yourself. Flirt with other men around. Boost your confidence. Dress sexy and professional, you look good, you feel good remember.Noone should make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. Show him who's boss and that NOTHING can phase you. You can always make up a fib in awkward situation there you're off to meet someone for drinks or dinner so must dash. Be that strong independent woman, become a YES woman saying yes to opportunities/events you wouldn't usually. You may meet someone amazing sooner than you think.
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