A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I just watched the movie "When Harry Met Sally" and am now a little concerned. My gf's best guy friend is someone whom she has been involved with. It ended on a very awkward note for them, but they have remained good friends since.My girlfriend agrees with the underlying tone of the movie: "that girls and guys can't be friends." (direct quote from the movie... said 3+ times). However, I don't think she sees the other underlying message: that girls and guys can't be friends or they have to be dating... that there's no grey area; that it's all or nothing. Now, I'm not saying I fully agree with that tone of the movie, but it is what the movie is trying to get across as its message (or maybe that's the director's message).There's another movie with this tone and that's "Maid of Honor".Anyway, these movies make me think that girls and guys who are really good friends are bond to end up how these 2 movies end. Am I completely wrong? Are these just chick flicks that are unrealistic? Or not...To further outline my fear, there's a quote from when "When Harry Met Sally" that goes something like this (indirect quote):guy - Guys hang out with girls that they are attracted to.girl - Well, what if the girl is already taken by someone?guy - Then the guy waits around long enough until that relationship ends so that he can have his chance.I feel that this guy is just waiting around to have his second chance (he already had one). Don't know what question to ask here, but I think one is implied...comments?
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (15 April 2009):
 Movies sometimes bring real life to the screen, for others to see. But on the other hand, sometimes movies can be attributed to new trend or phenomenon in real life."Jaws", for instance, which spawned other movies of this genre, apparently created unnecessary killings of sharks (for fear of them). It is the same with When Harry Met Sally. that set a few steps back in women relationship. In sociological/women studies term, this movie is actually degrading to women, in making it look as if women are only capable of being in a romantic relationship with men (primal instincts to mate is foremoest, so to speak). My best friend for years was a male. Very platonic, very cerebral. Hung out almost every weekend. We grew apart naturally, as we both found romantic partners and got too busy with our respective partners lolBut each person is different. If your "instinct" tells you something worrying, it may possibly because your brain has picked up some anomalies, not because you believe in that movie lol. If you wanted to use the movie as reference, you can ask your gf if her friend is something like the guy who hangs around to get the girl. You will know from her reaction what the real answer is.Good luck!Cat
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): Relax Dude,Nothing more upset to a woman in love than her partner getting jealous over nothing, every single relationship is different and when you are in one you have got to trust and be trusted otherwise the wheels will come off.Have faith in your gf.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): Bless you-you're just overreacting because of the film-yes it can happen in real life but I think your gf would have known by now.I love the film maid of honour but i think you missed out that her husband to be was a total jerk and she didn't really like him. Of course your girlfriend loves you and unless you do something wrong she will continue to.I do believe girls and guys can JUST be friends because otherwise we would all be together-no one be able to differentiate between lust love and frienship-there would be no such thing and there is. There may be no attraction but they just like the company of the opposite sex. Who says girls should only have girl friends and no guy friends and vice versa?Don't worry, but if you are, talk to your girlfriend and reassure how much you love her.All the best and also were you watching these films with your gf because if you were and she actually did believe it she would have left you by now to go to her friend, See! Nothing to worry aboutizi
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A
male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (15 April 2009):
 I have a friend, who is a girl, and I dont want to date her. I hang out with her because we have great conversations, and it makes me happy to make her feel happy.On the other hand, I have a tough time being friends with ex-gf's because I feel rejected by them on a romantic level, and so it seems a platonic relationship would be anticlimactic and awkward, which has been the case for me. So to answer your question, I think guys and girls who are very close will definitely have romantic feelings floating around, even if they only come from one side and even if they are never expressed. This is just simply the case, and many people will deny it because people sometimes like not facing reality. Men and women are attracted to each other on a very primal level, and as refined and evolved as we would like to be, close relationships are designed, evolutionarily speaking, to end in sex, mating as it were, for the continuation of the species.Idealistic and absurdly simplified but it seems to be the case.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (15 April 2009):
 i do see where you are coming from but i have alot of guy friends i mean in the past i either liked them or they liked me or something but we've stayed friends and i got a best mate whose a guy and i used to like him but i don't no mores! he's too much of a friend and he has a girlfriend but im not waiting around for him to end it with her so i can jump in.i don't see him in that light anymore he's just a good friend.you may just be getting paranoid i mean maybe your girlfriend and her guy friend are just really good friends now and they couldn't see it being any other way.and even if he did wait around until you guys perhaps split up whose to say she would go there anyways?i do think it's piffle when people say guys and girls can't be friends.i've met alot of guys and been there friends with NO attractiondoesn't always happen.being a bit paranoid and reading a bit too much into this.Hope this helps.
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