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How do I ever trust him again?

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Cheating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 December 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 18 December 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, *eather9h writes:

Ive, been in a relationship for 18 years, we have three children. My partner has always flirted with other women even in front of me which has been hurtful but when he kissed a girl in front of me four years ago I told him to leave, he swore it would never happen again and up until recently Ive never felt closer to him and weve been happy. but recently i found lipstick on his shirt and and other small signs and i just feel as if all the trust i built in the last four years has gone and he seems like a stranger to me. Im on antidepressant and have lost a stone in weight i cant sleep i just keep thinking hes off to meet her. He swears im the onl;y one for him and he loves me. The worst thing is ive started hating the way i look as im five years older than he is and wonder if he wants a younger woman. How do i ever trust him again and feel deeply for him?

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A male reader, called Steve United Kingdom +, writes (18 December 2009):

called Steve agony auntYou are theorising... without facts you can only guess at what is going off.

You say "other small signs" - this has all manner of connotations and not proof of Extra Marital Affair (EMA).

You say you have recently become very close... it takes two to do this, so certain conflicts exist in your summary.

I've had lipstick on my collar - doesn't mean anything as far as I'm concerned! I certainly wasn't doing anything I should not have been...

Sometimes we read into things just because the consensus tells us so, but its not always the case. Not that I'm jumping in to defend your partner.

You need to sit down and talk with him about how close you have recently felt and put your heart on the line. Gauge his response if he tells you nothing or think what he says are lies. Women are generally more intuitive than men so I'm hoping you can see through the lies if they come... good luck, no-one deserves to be treated this way but sometimes sh*t happens and I'm sorry for that!

Regards - Steve x

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A female reader, heather9h United Kingdom +, writes (18 December 2009):

heather9h is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks Icelordess, Yes, you are right of course, I suppose I knew it all along, its just so hard as im not getting any younger and how long do you give someone. Life is to precious, to precious to waste time worrying and feeling depressed I suppopse. Thanks for taking the time to write its nice to know there,s someone to talk to when times get bad. xx

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