A
male
age
36-40,
*utt out of Love
writes:I have been trying to find someone to be with for the last six years and sadly it has never worked out. I have tried dating several females during this time but it never seems to go right,I caught the first girl cheating on me with four other guys,the second was more or less nothing but a gold digger looking to try and make me pay for all her kids stuff while she went out and partied. Sadly this has always been my luck it seems and is sadly getting to the point that I am thinking of just giving up all together, I have yet to find a girl that truly seems to understand me or at the very least doesnt think I am some kind of a freak or a monster what is a Mutt out of love to do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (12 March 2013):
Ok - tough love time.
For starters, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. - - "Sadly this has always been my luck"
- "is sadly getting to the point that I am thinking of just giving up all together"
- "the very least doesnt think I am some kind of a freak or a monster what is a Mutt out of love to do?"
Wah. Boo hoo. Poor me.
IMO, the reason you are having women take advantage of your is because of this attitude. No woman who has anything on the ball wants to be with a guy who has no confidence and just wants others to feel sorry for him.
Be a man, be confident, be assertive, and go out and get the woman you want. Or be a poor me sulker who keeps getting taken advantage of.
Your choice, 100%.
A
male
reader, Mutt out of Love +, writes (12 March 2013):
Mutt out of Love is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the good advice, normally all I get told is that I just more or less need to stop being me. oh well and aside from that I dont really know where to begin, sadly I have tried many dating sites in the past including big name ones like e harmony and the like and have been given the 'dear john' letter of rejection from the site or just simply had a page on the site for a long while with no one ever taking interest. As far as the issues part goes its true I have more then a few mostly from things I survived going through when I was a child I dont make a habbit of telling most anyone about what I went through because I hate how they pity me because of it, which leads into the whole freak and monster thing. The first girl I ever dated and opened up to found out about my past and was cool with it so everything seemed fine we dated kind of off and on for about a year until one day after I found out she had been cheating on me she snapped and said something very unkind.It kind of stuck with me when she said that and true enough I carried it over into the next couple of girls that I dated mostly however in just not letting them know about much of my past if I could help it some how though they always seemed to find out and then it just seems like the cycle repeats itself with them calling me a mistake.
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A
male
reader, Musician +, writes (12 March 2013):
Hey man, I was in your position for many years. I didn't really have a girlfriend, and it took me far too long to even get laid (with a stripper, nonetheless, but for free). Anyway, I finally met the girl I have been with for 3 years, but what I am realizing is that much of the reason I didn't get the girls early on was because I needed to work on myself. I'm learning this these days - that my relationship can suffer because of my issues that I've carried with me from BEFORE the relationship, and I'm working on them now (in therapy) in order to save it and to take it to a higher level of happiness.Maybe it would be a good idea to work on whatever issues you might have (we all have them), and to keep improving yourself and your self-esteem. But even when you put your mind to something positive like yoga or meditation or playing sports or music, chicks dig that. Chicks like a guy who is working on himself. That's how I met my girl. It's when I took up meditation - and she sensed it. Now, my issues didn't go away, but at least I got the girl. And now I hope to keep on keeping her through more work.Also, yoga chicks are hot, haha! Just wanted to mention.
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (11 March 2013):
 Maybe you are looking at the wrong type of girls to start a relationship with. Sure the hardcore party girls look really hot and fun to be around with, but maybe they aren't the best people to expect a long, loving relationship with. Anyway, you still have a lot of gas in your tank to search for the right girl. Don't despair.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 March 2013):
Are you a pushover? It sounds like you may be too much of a "nice guy" and people may be taking advantage of that fact.
I don't mean start being a jerk, but don't be so nice that women think they can get away with anything.
Also, why would someone think you're a freak or a monster? Are you "normal", or is there something about you that may be scaring people away? Or is your self esteem just shot to the point that you'd say that?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 March 2013):
 Ehr.. Well, we're not magic crystal balls. We can't say if you're going to find someone or not, but obviously it's not like you NEVER found anyone. You just didn't find someone to stay with for a longer period of time. But what are you looking for? Someone you will marry? And you haven't found that yet at 25? Well, call me crazy, but who has? A small minority. And those who did get married before 25, well half of them are heading in for divorce.
So.. better to stick it out and not settle with someone you know doesn't understand you. Just wait. She'll come along. In the meantime don't get desperate, because desperation never attracted anyone. Be casual and cool about being single and enjoy the fun single-life brings. You'll get your turn in a long term relationship sooner or later, there's no rush.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): Why would anyone think you're a freak or a monster? You should consider an online dating service or searching for women that really want a relationship. Try putting yourself out there more by joining clubs or organizations. Hang with people who share your interests, hobbies, and ideals. And you're young, I believe love will find you in time and that for now you should continue to love and learn. A strong heart is one that tries to love again after it's been hurt.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (11 March 2013):
 Well my suggestion to you is not to give up. I understand that your luck with women to this point hasn't been all that great... but you're still young- and may still have the chance to meet the type of woman that's right for you.
I usually tell my women clients that you have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince. In your case...it's until you meet your princess. But once you meet her, you'll appreciate her so much more because of the type of women you were involved with prior to her.
I wish you all the best!
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