A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know i'm only young but i'm in love with my boyfriend...but there's a problem, i love him too much, i hate it when i'm not with him, and i miss him uncontrolably!!He's someone who really understands me and i trust him compleatly! But i had a pregnancy scare, and even though i was very late when i told him i thought i was, he said he would wait with me! Now i really want a baby with him, but i don't want to tell him i just want to "fall pregnant"!!I know this is wrong but is there anyway i can make sure i can?? Please help!!
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female
reader, Luvin ryan 4lyf  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 Omg this is so weird, I recently lost my virginity to my bf 2 weeks ago and had a pregnancy scare, I told him I thought I was and we took the test together, but when it came up negative I was so disappointed, I really wanted to have a baby but I was glad in a way because I'm so young and I am not ready for a baby to tie me down, I haven't lived my life yet, I have a whole future ahead of me to look forward to, babies can wait a while for when I am properly settled down and can be ready financially. I had all this advice given to me by some of my close friends, and when I thought about it, I realised they were right. I mean I have a 2 year old brother, I was 15 when he was born, so I remember crystal clear watching him grow up every day until now. Before he was born I loved babies so much and I was telling my mom I wanted my first when I was 19. I knew it was hard to care for a baby but that was through experience of babysitting cousins and friend's children for a few hours but it all changed when I realised how hard it is to care for a baby 24/7...I had to help out as my mom and dad did night feeds but it made them very tired so I had to help out occasionlly with night feeds but I babysat for him a lot, everything changes, you can't do the things you liked before when you wanted etc, literally everything revolves around the baby, I also have a younger sister who is 3 years younger than me and you would think she is old enough to understand all attention has to be on the baby, but she grew very jealous... unless you realise the true strain a baby can put on your life and your relationship, don't think about it... just live your life first, do what you want to do, because you won't be able to do it when you have a baby.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): You've been given a lot of good advice here. You really should listen, and wait for a few years before planning a baby. But please plan it with your boyfriend. It's not right to fall pregnant 'accidentally on purpose.'He obviously trusts you to be taking care of the contraception, don't betray that trust.Sit down with your boyfriend and plan something else to do together, a holiday for example. Or maybe ask him if you could move in together. Save up for a place for the two of you. Write you own list of things that you would like to do with your life, travelling, concerts, learning to drive, owning your own house, what jobs etc and try to see a way to fulfil that. Having a baby is really hard on your relationship. My little one is only 18 months, she was planned and my husband and I couldn't wait to have her. But we've nearly split up a few times. You get no sleep, no time together, no time to relax. The house was always a mess and we have no money!! We argued a lot of the time, because we each felt that the other wasn't doing enough. I was scared that he would run off with another woman because I was streched marked and fat and all my clothes were covered in baby sick, and we never got chance to have any romantic time. Now that she is finally sleeping things are getting better, but it is such a strain.There is no rush to have a baby, you've got years ahead of you. Wait until you have a place to live, money for the pram, cot etc (go and see how much they are!!!), and most importantly that having a baby is what you BOTH want.
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A
female
reader, SouthernBelle  +, writes (4 April 2008):
 I am 17 and was recently in your position, kind of. I found out that I may have been pregnant and it scared the hell out of me at first, I was like I am too young, this isn't the right time, I am not financially stable to support a child etc and I then found out three days later I was in fact pregnant. I was really worried about it at first and how things were going to pan out, I told my family and close friends and after a month went by I started to get so excited. I had already bought a few outfits here and there, created a baby registry and even bought diapers. Sadly to say I had a miscarriage the Monday after Valentines day. From my experiance and what I went through, its not a good age to be trying to get pregnant. Pregnancy puts a huge strain on your relationship, miscarriage or not. He may say now he will wait for you and he will be there for you and your child, but it doesn't always work that way. You have to think about that child. When he/she is born can you support him/her? Can you say for absolute certainty that you can provide her clothes as she grows rapidly, diapers, formula etc. at your age and I'm assuming still in highschool. Who is going to watch your child while you are in class? Everything changes drastically when you become pregnant and in my opinion you need to do some more thinking it over. If you are still determined to have a child with this guy he needs to know about it. Like I said, pregnancy is strain enough but getting pregnant by him and him not being ready to be a father would be even worse. Its your decision but please think it through. I hope some of what I said made any sense.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): You have no right to decide that it's time for your BF to be a father without his knowledge & consent.
(I don't care how he reacted last time. If he's really gonna be so fine about it, then there's no reason not to just tell him that you're trying, is there?)
I think what you're talking about doing should be grounds for a 30-year sentence in jail.
If you want to keep your BF around, well, this is just as likely to ruin you guys as it is to make you stronger. Big changes & stresses do that to relationships. And the results aren't always predictable.
You can't assume that the way you feel about getting pregnant is the way he feels. You have no right to. He has the right to decide for himself. It's his life too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): Getting pregnant by accident is one thing, but getting pregnant on purpose with out him agreeing is playing russian roulet with your relationship. If he found out that you did it on purpose, he may live to regret it and blame you for whatever outcome happens to the relationship.
It would do you both well to wait until you have a college degree and a job to support a family.
Now I do recall being your age and girlfriends I had thinking the same. Even girls I grew up with and they going after a guy they wanted to marry and have kids can be dangerous. If he is from a well to do family, money isn't an issue, but maturity can be a big issue, such as not ready to settle down, for you've been under your parents wings for so long you want to experience independence.
Now how you feel about this guy might be over the top, I remember how I felt when I was that young and had a girl I thought could be the one I would marry.
Can you express all the needs you have and how he currently is meeting each of them?
Do you know all your needs as an individual and as a woman? Can you describe them?
Do you know all his needs as an individual and as a man? Can you list them?
For all those needs that don't or aren't being currently met, how will you go about getting him to provide them? Will you compromise on your needs?
What is important in a relationship? What is important in life?
If you can get 100% on the above, then your pretty close to being soul mates, but yet ready for marriage and children. You still need to finsih higher education and make money to support your dreams.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 April 2008):
 You can't "fall" pregnant. If you know what is right and wrong, and you are aware of how to conceive and prevent it, then "falling pregnant" on purpose in order to cement your relationship is manipulative and deceptive. The BIGGEST consideration here is the CHILD, who will be BOTH of yours FOREVER, and you aren't exactly giving That Child any decision here, except the fact that they were born in order for YOU to deceive your boyfriend. NOT the best way to become a Mother. You know that this isn't the wisest choice by the simple fact that you have written in to us. Love can hurt, it can be intense and even unbearable, but you should draw the line at letting it compel you into doing things that are wrong.
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