A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I saw a question posted a while back similar to this, as I seem to have the same problem. I recently had to deactivate my Facebook account because everyone posting constantly about their wonderful lives is making me really jealous and resentful of my own life. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, I am married and have a beautiful son and I know I must seem really ungrateful, but it got to the point where I was feeling down every time I logged on. I am struggling financially at the minute, and am unemployed so when I see people brag about their luxury holidays and fantastic jobs I feel pangs of resentment and feel inferior. Due to circumstances, I had to drop out of high school and never achieved any decent qualifications, and so when I see everyone post their graduation photos I can't help but feel like a failure. I am not saying I wish ill-will on any of these people, of course I don't, I just feel like no one else's life seems to be challenged by the struggles I face. Maybe the problem is that they are just better at being positive than me and maybe I just focus too much on the negatives in life. I also was finding myself looking up my husbands ex girlfriends etc, comparing my life to theirs. I know this isn't healthy. Should I just stay off Facebook and hope this fades with time, or just accept that people have more luck than me in jobs, wealth and life in general and try to make peace with my life for what it is?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 November 2016):
 People have more luck in jobs, wealth and life than you do? What about people who are in the middle of a war zone that have no home, no food, no money? What about the ones who have lost there children? Who have watched loved ones die in there arms? Have lost loved ones who are out fighting for there country? Do you think they have more luck than you?
From your post it sounds like you are very negative. Yes do stay off social media and start concentrating on how you are going to better your life. Be thankful for your husband and your son. Go and try new courses or start new hobbies. Apply to every job that is going. Be thankful every day for the family you have, the roof over your head and also the food on the table.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2016): I too have been struggling unemployed. I've stayed off facebook for just over a year. I've not missed wasting hours of my life reading false inane rubbish about people's lives or feeling compelled to like something I don't care about. Compare and despair is unhelpful and unhealthy. I feel calmer and more focused away from social media.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2016): Years ago before Facebook was invented I remember getting a 'Round Robin' letter from a childhood friend and his wife, a very successful lady. He and I hadn't seen each other for years although we were part of a large group of people who had all known each other since the age of 10 or so. The round robin letter sent at Christmas was a way for people to let others know what they had been doing with their lives that year and the same letter was sent to everyone in their Christmas card list. It didn't start with hello or how are you or hope you're alright. The first sentence was (and I will never forget it) 'January saw us in Whistler, Canada for the skiing'.It made me laugh out loud. It smacked of pretension and a very big 'LOOK AT US! LOOK AT OUR LIVES AND HOW SUCCESSFUIL WE ARE!' Thankfully I'm very happy and secure in my own skin and I begrudge people nothing, I'm happy that my friends are happy. But what I didn't like was the fact that this letter was for no-one else's benefit but theirs. It wasn't an attempt at communication, but an opportunity to show off. Good for them, but I don't need a very one-sided conversation about their lives. If they'd called me and said 'Haven't spoken in a while, how are you? We've been having a great time!' I would have said 'Oh how wonderful, well done you!' and meant it. But it wasn't about friends and communication, it was a need to show off, get validation from others, or whatever. The 'Round Robin' letter is the old fashioned Facebook in my opinion and why I loathe Facebook. I have never felt the need to tell everyone what I'm doing, where I'm going and what I'm wearing, who I'm seeing etc etc. I would never be self centred enough to write it. All I think of when I hear about Facebook is people going 'Look at Me!!! Aren't I wonderful?' and so insecure that they need 'likes' and validation from others. I think that as soon as one feels the need to show off, or to gain validation from others, you have shown a great insecurity. Wonderful if Facebook is used as a tool for getting in touch with your friends, showing support or organising trips or whatever, but from what I hear often it's for people to try and make themselves feel better about their lives. Don't fall into the trap. A lot of people would probably kill for what you have. They're pretending they have great lives or maybe they do hopefully, but SO DO YOU!!If it upsets you, don't look at it. I've never been on it in my life and certainly don't feel I'm missing out on anything. In fact more and more people seem to be turning against it.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (15 November 2016):
 What's the point in getting jealous? It has done nothing for you. It has not given you money or a job...so why bother?
When you see people living a good life, it is because they worked hard to get it.
Don't look down on them, but use it to motivate your own self to push harder, try new courses, new ways of doing things.
Your life has become routine, and you don't see the joy in it anymore. This is even more reason for you to fight to put happiness back in it, and not more sadness and jealousy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2016): The effects of unemployment and an unfinished education tends to lower the self-esteem to all-time lows. Having an inferiority-complex is usually self-inflicted; and really has very little to do with outside influences. Just not having a job makes a person feel useless or nonproductive. Especially those of us used to being hard-working people with a strong work-ethic.
Social media is just a platform for people to show-off and to achieve the very effect you're experiencing. They want to be envied and adored. It's over the top. Because we are a media-driven society; everyone wants their 15-minutes of fame. To feel important.
Now lets bring things back to reality. You are old enough to know that people only show-off their accomplishments and create a better picture of their lives than you'll find behind the curtain. The grass appearing greener on the other side is often AstroTurf. You don't see the inside story, just the cover.
Sweetheart, everyone has problems. There is no amount of wealth or beauty that can protect us from human problems and suffering. Everyone has disappointments and failures; and we all do our best to hide them. Either in shame, or as a matter of privacy.
You made some choices now working against you. There are few circumstances that keep you from pursuing your high school diploma. They can be achieved even by people who are incarcerated. You can do it online. Having a kid is no excuse. So it pays to rebuild bridges with family; because they're who we turn to when we're down on our luck, or need familiar and reliable babysitters. Poverty is not just a circumstance, it's also a motivator.
Having a child before you're financially capable of even supporting yourself was a choice. Planning and starting a family is usually based on your finances. It is was it is, so now you must work to correct those choices. That is where your concerns and energies should be directed. Not on the business and lives of other people. You certainly waste a lot of your precious time.
Give yourself a break from Facebook and go online to find yourself a way to finish high school in your spare-time. You should be using your idle time on self-improvement; rather than feeding your jealousy based on the embellished lifestyles and souped-up supersized activities of other people. They're all too good to be true, and even if they are real; no one is perceptually happy and always having a good time.
The question is, why is it so important to overshare if they are as happy as the claim? It takes real balls to show what ain't going so good! Reality is boring or depressing. It doesn't get good-ratings, or "likes."
Don't say you are grateful for your blessings; because jealousy says you're truly not. You say it to stop anyone from suggesting you count your blessings. If you actually do, even the smallest of blessings, you'll find the cure to jealousy and you'll increase your optimism.
Unemployment and financial hardship will cause depression; and you have to find positive and productive ways to boost your outlook. Continue looking for work, or find a program that offers a combination of job-training and completion of your high school education.
All that time you're wasting on investigating other people could have been used for that. You aren't using your downtime to help yourself; instead you're hating on yourself, because you envy appearances and facades created by pathetic showoffs to impress others.
Some folks need adulation and popularity for validation; but braggarts rarely give, and seldom are as happy as they appear to be. They collect a bunch of phony likes and fake friends to convince themselves this is what life's all about. Not one of those phony faces would come to their aid if they really needed a friend. A real friend, not someone who "likes" your photo-shopped mug-shots.
Facebook is not an authentication of how people really live. It's how you create images for the worship and deceptions of others for pathetic reasons. To include manipulation, draw attention, and put others down. That's just the dark-side of human behavior that has been manipulated through technology and the media. It makes a lot of money.
So many people have a fad-driven mob-mentality, and don't exercise independent-thought much these days. Perhaps you can make a ton of money using YouTube and Facebook. So maybe you should consider doing that. Spend time being creative and productive until you snag a job, and finish your education. Everyone has a hidden-talent. It's given to us as a tool for survival.
Explore yourself, and get out of other people's business. I strongly recommend you don't drudge-up info on your husband's exes; if you have a microbe of common-sense and self-respect!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2016): Facebook is a make believe little world where people pretend to be somebody they aren't and live the lifestyle of the rich and famous when their lives are rather ordinary. Everything they post is carefully scripted. You see what they want you to see and you are privy to what they want you to know. Which is usually positive, over the top stuff. Facebook is a forum for show offs. Believe me, you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors in their real lives. They just want you to think their lives are perfect. That is what Facebook says. As long as you understand that Facebook does not reflect people's real lives you will not feel so bad. Of course they are going to post the good stuff. They won't post the bad. They don't want you to know about that. But that does not mean it doesn't exist. People are their own PR campaign. Selling themselves in the way they want to be seen. Not the way they really are.Get busy living your best life possible and stop focusing on others. If you compare yourself all the time to other people, you will never be happy. Who cares what they do? It matters what YOU do with YOUR OWN LIFE. Get busy living it. It's right in front of you to do with it as you please.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (15 November 2016):
 I'm not a fan of facebook, never have been, never will be. Its very easy for people to get on there and PRETEND that they are who they WISH they were. It doesn't mean what they put is true. It seems to me like very needy "look at me" people tend to use facebook to try to impress others. They may be telling the truth, and then again..maybe not. WHO CARES???? I could get on there and say that I live in a million dollar home, drive a mercedes and am a model. If you don't know me personally or live near me, you aren't going to know!
Live your life and be happy..and don't compare yourself to others. Its not a good way to live or feel. If nothing else let it make you push you harder to seek out your dreams. I wouldn't be jealous of others though because what they show you on facebook is what they WANT you to see, want you to believe. It doesn't mean its real. Think about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2016): I deactivated my Facebook account years ago. Those aren't their full entire lives. Plus I've noticed that the more boastful one is on social media, the more the person is insecure, in real life. Just live your life with love.
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A
female
reader, Betty Blue Eyes +, writes (15 November 2016):
 I'm sure others will tell you the same but people will only post the very best bits of their lives, it's like life's edit button, you only see what they want you to see.I know you have photos of their luxurious holidays rubbed in your face but it's doubtful they will follow that up with snaps of their credit card statement a month later. Just because they go on holiday it doesn't mean they can all really afford it.You have a husband, I'm 31 with no ring or even a possibility of getting one on my finger any time soon. I have numerous amounts of likes for a photo of a fancy cocktail I had on holiday this year but that doesn't mean I'm winning at life lol! :) I'd rather be posting snaps of me and my husband doing mundane things at this age than drinking cocktails.I'm not saying your feelings aren't justified, we all feel a bit jealous looking at social media, but it's all the very best bits people want you to see.You are young and it's expensive when you first start out, children cost a lot! As long as you are getting by and you don't have crippling debts. There is help out there if you do. Try and think about what career you'd like when your son is older it's not the end of the world that you dropped out of school as you can go back as an adult.My parents didn't have much when I was little but now all they ever do is go on holiday, it won't be forever feeling like this, most young families struggle at the beginning.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (15 November 2016):
 I agree with Honeypie. Over time, after leaving Facebook, I realized what little semblance of true social connection Facebook offers is often outweighed by my feeling of keeping up with the Joneses and inferiority that comes with comparing distorted post-driven realities. It is much more helpful to have face to face connections to gauge the genuineness of people. Most people will admit that there are areas of improvement or things aren't as glamorous as you'd think from Facebook. Just look at thirs website- who wants to bet most of our posters are on Facebook? Who wants to bet none of this is on their walls? Because people like to keep their problems private. Anyway..my point is, some people are just more vulnerable to that kind of display negatively affecting them, and it's important to realize about yourself. There's nothing wrong with disengaging from the machine!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 November 2016):
 I think you SHOULD stay off Facebook as it is NOT contributing anything positive in your life.
And secondly, look at your life and figure out where you want to go and how to get there.
It's YOUR life, YOU get to make it as good as YOU can.
And comparing you to others does nothing for you. So why waste time with it?
Facebook is NOT reality. Just like reality TV isn't REALITY.
Life is what you make it.
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