A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HelloI've been wanting to get this off my chest for a while as it keeps coming back to bite me.A few months ago i visited a brothel. The reason i did this is clear to me now as i was very lonely had not many good friends and was addicted to porn (watched it too much i think).. this was also my first sexual experience.The experience was awful. I didnt feel any pleasure and didnt even finish. I t was very bad .... but now i think about it it was a necessary experience. This is because now i realise what i want in my life (relationship wise). Since ive never watched porn again and vowed never to as its a lie to me... whcih im happy that i learnt as if this experience didnt happen i would have stayed the same.Also it showed me that all i want is a girl to have a nice steady slow relationship with as i know what will happen if it goes too fast.. and the the slower it is the better it i with me as that previous situation i was very scared during after and before. It taught me it would take me a long time to trust someone and open up to them aswell as Im that kind of person. also before i thought that having a girlfriend is all about sex.. but now i realise its about havinh someone you are comfortable with and care for which takes a lot of time.. and this experience has taught me that, when maybe before i would have treated a girl like dirt, I would now never ever do that and any thing like this again as I for one would not want to feel like this again and realise i need to have feelings for the girl in order to make sex a good experience. Two i would never want anyone i actually like or love to feel the way i did then and how i still feel about myself now.So i just want to know what some of you think? Am i worrying too much?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello
Thanks for the responses..... some have helped alot :) Glad to hear someone elses view on it...
I used a condom (fro the previous response) and as I said i was soo scared afterwards aswell that i went to the doctor who gave me a urine test and everything is fine. But yer it was a big mistake in my life but as one reader said I think it was necessary in a way.. just depresses me thinking id make the mistake again but i know i wont...
A
male
reader, JSBach +, writes (28 July 2009):
Personally prostitutes have always scared the hell out of me. I would be terrified of catching something or getting hit over the head.
And sex would be no fun if you couldn't cuddle up with the girl afterwards, tell her stupid jokes and have a cup of tea together. The emotional closeness that you get with sex is the best bit for me.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (28 July 2009):
 Well if you feel you are addicted to porn, then I can only say that you at least recognize it. Porn in and of itself is not harmful(as I have tried to tell the mass of pussified boneheads who think it is) but it is how it is consumed that is either malevolent or benign.
But if your experience with porn and the brothel made you arrive at the conclusion that you wanted to have a healthy relationship and that your actions were not good for you, then I certainly cannot fault you for that!
And in reality, there isn't anything to be ashamed of in visiting a brothel. Regardless of what you got out of it(or didn't in your case) I mean, it is the world's oldest profession! So take what you can from your experience and go out and find that love that is just waiting for you.
Believe me, you are way young. You will have multiple chances to screw your life up in the future, so don't be too hard(no pun intended) on yourself!
Just look at some of the posts here....there are people three times your age screwing up their lives and the lives of others far more than you can imagine!
So to answer your question...DONT WORRY SO MUCH!
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (28 July 2009):
 Personally like you say I think it was something you needed to do to actually lose your virginity and have the sexual experience.
It has taught you about the way in which sex can be treated quite coldly and the porn aspect was a way in which you could at least alleviate your pent up hormones, some guys continue with this through their lives whether they are in a relationship or not as it can sometimes be a way of relief instead of constantly badgering their partners for sex. So be mindful of that. It is quite natural to want to have a release so it is not a dirty aspect, it can get quite seedy or intense but that is everyone's own level of what they truly want i.e. the experiences etc.
I think the fact that you have come to realise that you want to now concentrate on finding a girl who you can have a meaningful and loving relationship with is quite rare for someone your age so I think it has taught you a very valuable lesson in life and even though the experience was not pleasant for you I think it has made you more of a sensitive and caring man to carry on with your life in a way in which you can treat women with respect and love.
Don't continue to punish yourself but instead take from it the fact that it has taught you so much and more than a lot of men actually learn in a lifetime.
Good luck for the future and keep smiling, that was the past and you now have the whole of your life stretched out in front of you. Keep smiling and you will find special people who will come into your life and you will have loving relationships honest.
BFN
Country Woman
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