A
female
age
51-59,
*aith Forever
writes:I have been married for 18 years. I have two kids and raised my step daughter since age 2. Over the years, I had a great marriage. We always had an exciting sex life and looked forward to those intimate times. My Husband had full custody of his daughter. She always loved me like a Mom. The kids were always involved in many activities and church. We took the normal family vacations and my husband always commented on how I was one of the best Step Mom's and Mom. I treated all the children the same and with lots of love. His ex, the mother of his daughter, did everything from drugs, alcohol, gangs as well as her family. When my step daughter graduated from high school, she wanted to go live with her Mom. My husband let her and said we would have extra time for us with 1 less child in the house. I was heart broken when she left. She got hooked on drugs and just had her 3rd child. From that point on, my Husband started to distant himself from us. He went back to his ex-girlfriend and is cheating. He also stopped working. I want my Husband back. I feel used and I know my self esteem is low. My children are 12 and 16 and they are also hurt. He still comes around at times and sometimes wants to be intimate with me. I'm so confused. How do I get my husband back? Faith
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male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (10 August 2007):
 You want him back, but you let him go. Well, he's had his cake and has been able to eat it too. He left you, and you let him take control of who you are. You enabled that, so if you want him back then you are going to have to undo what you've done. No doubt you're angry, but maybe not solely at him, but angry with yourself too. Now you have to take control of you. You're going to have to be strong. Next time he calls or comes over have your normal session, but ask him what it is that you give him that he likes. Be a kind to him, fix him something to eat if you want, get him a drink, but don't whine or cry because you miss him. Kiss him passionately goodbye, and tell him to come and see you soon. BE CONFIDENT! If this is not how you normally are, it's going to make him wonder. There are more steps to take, but holler if you think you need more feedback.
A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (10 August 2007):
Hi there,
What an awful time you are having. It’s hard to understand why he would choose to walk away from such a great life. I think others may be right about him being attracted back to a more shady life. It might be connected to his daughter’s problems, but not necessarily. Perhaps it’s the classic mid-life crisis. I would keep being friendly with him whenever he comes round, but I wouldn’t agree to have sex with him because that would be allowing him to use you. You are his wife and he should treat you with more respect than that. Tell him that you love him and want him back the way he used to be, but be clear that this is his only option – no half measures. You haven’t said how long he has been gone. If it isn’t too long, it is possible that he may soon realise what an idiot he has been and ask you to take him back. If he had always been like this, I would be saying “dump him”, but as it is out of character, I think it is worth giving him another chance. But don’t let him keep on messing about like this forever. If he is still with his ex a few months from now and expecting to just drop round when he feels like it, I would show him the door. You can’t let him keep on hurting you and your kids forever. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (10 August 2007):
 I don't believe you can solve this by prayer. Prayer may help you to be strong but you're also going to need some outside intervention. What was your husbands past like, before you met him? What Basschick said is probably true. There was a part of him that thrived in the shady element at one point. Counseling is probably needed. Don't have sex with him either !!! That is risky to your health and gives him power.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): I would wonder why you want your husband back. Is It the great sex that you use to have in that relationship? If that be the case,that great sex couldn't hold your relationship together then, and it won't hold it together now. And with his cheating on his Ex Gf that he's living with now, and not working. What in the Hell!does he have to offer you? You should be able to answer that question by yourself. If you stop thinking with your genitals, and start using your brains for a change.
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (10 August 2007):
 Hi, It sad that you should be treated like this whe you have always been so good to everyone. You must speak to your husband and tell him exactly how you feel. He probably feels resopnsible for the way his daughter turned out but he needs to know that is not his fault and that he cant do anything about that. Make him see that he still has a family that loves him and that yourll should be his first priority.Pray and have faith and everything would work out for you. You are not alone and God has a plan for you.Take care
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A
female
reader, egy_flower  +, writes (10 August 2007):
May God be with you. Really i feel sorry for you. But i think try to talk to him at times u find it's ok to talk. Tell him that u want him back and that you want the child back and that u want everything to be the same as it was before..
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 August 2007):
 Pray. This is a problem that can only be solved by God and your faith. Your husband obviously has a dark side. I am assuming this is the side of him that drew him to his previous wife to begin with. Apparently living a clean, healthy life started to look boring to him at some point and that's when he fell. I doubt he will consider counseling, but you could suggest it. I'm rooting for you.
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A
female
reader, GoddamnedROCKSTAR +, writes (10 August 2007):
 Oh my... I had an exboyfriend like that (smaller scale, I have no idea how that would be for you). But to be honest, I don't know that there IS a way to get him back. He made his choices and he has to live with them. Would you really WANT someone who'd leave you like that back?
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