A
female
age
30-35,
*if3sucks
writes:hey there,so ok ive had some really bad relationships in my past and i hate being alone but i dont know how to find a great guy that wont hurt me...since i cant find a good guy i always seem to catch myself doing things with guys just so ill have that momment that makes me feel cared for, i know people would call this "whoreish" and i understand that i probably am beinging that way, but believe me im trying not to be, i still love my ex and he stayed the night last night cuz he had to get out of town away from a bunch of drama he got himself into so i told him he could crash at my place well we ended up having sex when he stayed and it made me miss him even more, but i dont even wanna go there with him cuz he could be the father of this girl whos pregnant and this girl tried braking us up troughtout our relationship, i dont know im in such a messed up situation, i just wanna know how to find a great guy who will respect me, love me, and care for me (sounds imposssible to find that type of guy)? and i wanna know how to get over my ex too cuz this is dragging me down, i dont know why i still love him?hope you guys can help thanks!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 You still love him because you don't love yourself enough. If you had enough self love and self respect, you would not pine after somebody who "messed you up " and used you, you'd authomatically say : what a jerk !, I don't know how I let myself be pushed around by such a loser, Ok, I got caught off guard for a little while but now- enough- game over- I won't let that happen again.
How do you mend your self esteem ? One thing you should definitely do is quitting cold turkey with random hook ups- They give you that temporary high of feeling wanted and desired = valuable for somebody, but it lasts five minutes because they do not stick around ( obviously, since it's implied in the nature of the event : random hook up ) thereby reinforcing your sense of being unworthy of love and attention.
How do you quit ?- well, you DECIDE and stick to your decision. I know it's difficult, yet not impossible. It's a matter of wanting your "healing " badly enough.
It's like if you say : I need to lose weight but then I see all those cookies and cakes.... Ok, then accept that you are NOT gonna loose weight; in your case stay stuck in your "emotional cellulite ". Determining to change it's not really about will power ,in a way ; when you suffer enough, and are fed up enough with the way things are, change is the only way out , and you may find it less painful than the current status quo.
In your case, for instance, you are ( irreasonably ) afraid of being alone, meant as manless or partnerless . You haven't even finished "digesting " your last romantic disappointment, and are already fretting over where to find another guy !
Pause. You are young. The world is full of men and full of chances. Committ to be single for 6 months or one year, and work on loving yourself. Become the sort of person you'd like to attract. Cultivate your talents, discover your passions, plunge yourself into something you are ,or could become, sort of good at. Treat yourself,pamper yourself, be your own princess rather than looking for Prince Charming .Learn other ways to feel good about yourself other than letting drunken strangers toy with your body.
Keep that up for the time frame you have decided, and see if you don't feel better , stronger, and able to go out there and CHOOSE whom you want to be with, rather than pleading for some selfish idiot to choose you. I'd be very surprised if it does not work. I can't say "satisfaction or your money back " because all the Aunts are volunteers, but if it does not work for you, I authorize you to send me a PM full of the worst insults you can think of.
A
male
reader, Dough +, writes (4 May 2011):
Take a moment. Ask yourself if you really want a, "Good guy". Boring, dependable, does nice things for you, makes you feel cared for, wants to stay home with you, read, watch tv, snuggle. Most times people want what they don't have. Your ex is using you for sex, there is no easy way to say it, or to get over feeling hurt, so I'm being direct. If you decide you really do want a nice guy, try going places where nice guys are. Try a library or co-ed sports team. Try to go out with friends to nice places. It's hard, but not going to parties to meet people is usually a good thing. Try to get involved in clubs, sports, groups, or community service. These are the types of places nice, good men are. If you're religious, try church. I'm not, so that one is out for me. :0) - Good luck!
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