A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my fiance for over three years. This was my choice as I wanted to be sure I loved the real her and she loved the real me. Asked her to marry me in June of this year and she happily accepted. We were scheduled to be wed in October. She is going through some stressful times with work and family members' health. She called from out of state tonight and told me she doesn't want to get married anymore. She told me she wanted to get married so much she set aside her doubts about our compatability. We have been together for THREE YEARS! Wouldn't she have figured that out well before we started planning the wedding? This is the second woman to break my heart in my life. What do I do? How do I move forward? I can't deal with this again. I don't know how. Thoughts?
View related questions:
fiance, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, IAMDONE +, writes (4 May 2011):
You are very lucky that your to be wife let you know now that she no longer wants to marry you...better now than later when there is a marriage that involves children, a home, retirement plans, and bills. It is not so easy to walk away then because you knew in the beginning that it probably was not going to work, but decided to try it anyway. A dating relaionship consist of dating to see how well you get along in social events and dealing with social issues. An engagement is a time to make a commitment to one another and take a closer look at other aspects of spending the rest of your life with someone...it is a time that a man looks at a woman as wife material and a woman looks at a man for husband material. Some engagements never lead to marriage. Better to know now and not be in a failing marriage.
A
female
reader, hope_i_could_help  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 Well, maybe she is just having a hard time with her work. I suggest you talk to her and find out whats wrong. You can find out about what really bugs her and deal with it together.
But if it doesn't work out, maybe she isn't really the girl for you. In fact you are lucky, she told you early about her decision, what if she waited after you were married, what could happened? Right? So cheer up, dont lose hope, dont think you cannot take another pain again, that's life. Dont think pain as "hurt" think of it as a challenge and it will make you strong.
Don't give up on finding your right one, she's out there waiting for you. There's always a third chance, and if it doesnt work out again, there's always a fourth and a fifth and a sixth and so on...
Cheer up, God Bless
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): So sorry you are going through this. But, clearly she changed her mind so it's better that she be honest and cancel the wedding, than to go through with it (out of guilt maybe) and then you end up with a troubled marriage further down the road.
if she's got enough self awareness to realize and admit that she wanted the marriage so badly that she set aside compatibility issues, that's a very mature thing to do. more common is the opposite - when people, especially women, do in fact set aside compatibility issues because they want to be married. The result is that they get what they wanted in the short term - marriage - but in the long term they are very unhappy and then have no idea why.
you've been together for three years. it may feel like a long time, but each person's timeline for when they finally sort their head and heart out, is different. for example it took me and my husband 9 years to get married...but taking a longer time to get married doesn't necessarily mean that ultimately it's a good choice either. I know a couple who also dated exclusively for about the same length of time, throughout this time the relationship deteriorated steadily but the girlfriend wanted desperately to be married because of her biological clock and felt that after 9 years of being together he 'owed' her marriage no matter how much he actually hated her by now, so he went ahead and married her so as to not feel like a jerk for ruining her life goals....and now they are completely miserable, her having meltdowns all the time and blaming him for her unhappiness, him spending lots of time away from home to get away from her, and I feel very sorry for their two young kids who are growing up in a fractured household.
I'm just saying...if your girlfriend has changed her mind and feelings, then it's far better that she call the wedding off, than for you two to end up like this couple I know because if her mind and heart has changed, then those are your only two realistic options.
...............................
|
