A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has been acting strange for the past couple of weeks! He keeps pushing me away more and more.. The other day he told me he is tired of me and told me not to come over to his place. He needs to focus on himself and not the relationship. Which is fine every couple needs a break from each other once in a while.. The next day he comes to my work with lunch he was feeling like crap. No! I didn't get an apology but rather to listen how bad things are in his life. I was being supportive and told him I understand, which I do!! but I'm a human too what about my feelings? He then gave me a key to his house which was very confusing as he has just told me the other day he doesn't want me around. I told him we will talk later if he needs me?!? He said that he just wants to get rest and wants to sleep alone. Anyone can take a hint clearly he didn't want me around. I don't get it why is pushing me away and then trying to keep me around by providing me with a key??? Please help I'm very confused here :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): Thank you IAMDONE your words speak a lot of truth and you are right! I tried telling him how I feel and think but it is the wrong timing to get into righ now! He is dealing with a family member who is very sick in the hospital.. I didn't want to bring up another worry to his plate. He is seeking professional help for his addictions or perhaps mental issues too... I feel like the "counselor" has implanted good and bad advice?? He told him not to worry about his relationships and just to focus on "himself only". Which explains his attitude towards me. I told him that he needs to find out what feels right for him not necessarily take the counselors words to heart??
He seems to forget that I encouraged him to seek help. How can I be the bad guy? How can the counselors say that to him when I am the one who is supporting him in this whole situation????
A
female
reader, IAMDONE  +, writes (4 May 2011):
Apears to me that when boyfriend told you that he was tired of you that was the end of a relationship between the two of you. It also seems like this guy is very self centered, verbally abusive, and confused. We all have our ups and downs in life and it is certain that, if we dont a problem today, we will have one tomorrow. Maturity, balance, and respect help us relay a message to our partner that we are having a lot of difficult issues pending in our lives...telling someone that they are tired of you and not to come to their place is not something a man tells a woman when he wants that woman in his life. And then to pour out to you all of his problems and give you a key to his place and tell you not to come sounds like he may have some mental issues that need professional advice. That is just down right contradicting and had no reasoning that the average person would understand. It might be a good idea for you to return the key, gently let him know that you understand his issues and how they have affected him and that you are concerned for his sake, and when you walk out or away from him, keep walking because things with this guy are no going to get any better. Remember, he is tired of you and does not want you at his place. Well, darling that is a break up of the relationship. Accept it and move on!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): thanks for your input this month we are supposed to mark our one year together but i'm not sure if that will be happening at all??? One of the reason he is acting in this manner is because I have given him the ultimatum to change his bad habits drinking, partying,etc. I know changing people isn't the best route but if it's for the good I don't see the harm in it??? He did make a drastic change and we made goals to try to live as a couple just to see how things will go... We got serious quickly and I want more maybe start a family down the road. He used to have roommates and they all moved out. I thought this was a perfect timing for us to start he was ok with it too. Now he is making decisions that are not geared towards our future by letting other family members move in temporarily could mean months or years. There are things that make me uncomofortable in the home we are both different religions and I would like us to live a neutral life not display any of it in the home neither his or mine. Don't get me wrong I don't have a problem with one thing hanging on the wall but it is everywhere I go including the bedroom!!!! I really don't enjoy having sex and seeing a visual of jesus and mary in front of me. I have asked him to remove out of respects towards me which he said he would at first but as time went on it is not being done. This is all been happening the past few weeks. What do you think? Am i being unreasonable here?
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A
female
reader, Eilish  +, writes (4 May 2011):
Usually behaviour like this is a result of uncertainty. He is giving you mixed signals and it isn't fair on you. It seems to me like he's not sure of who he is or what he wants, but on the other hand it seems to me that something about him is still holding on to you. I agree with blonde30s, he might not be sure whether he wants to be in a relationship. It seems like he doesn't know whether he is coming or going. Just tell him what you have written here, be clear to him how it makes you feel and tell him you don't want to be messed about. Remind him that you have feelings too, and it's not just all about him even though you respect his. As a result of this, he should respect yours too xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): I think you should talk to him about this. It sounds like he may be going through something but wants to do it alone but doesnt want to lose you which is a good thing right.
I got dumped a month ago and it was the exact same as you but he never wanted me around at all, he turned to me one day and told me he wants to be friends because he doesnt want love or relationships anymore =(
Just talk to him, get it sorted.
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