A
male
age
30-35,
*igMac92
writes:I started screwing, nothing serious, around with this chick from my job when I'm home from college. She was a rebound girl from my last relationship and i wasn't being to pick when i choose her. I'm not saying I'm a great catch but I'm way out of her league. I mean I don't even really like talking to her that much. So I've decided I don't want to see her anymore but I don't want to be a dick about. I mean she is bound to ask why and hen what do I say " Your not interesting and your not that attractive either." So is there anyway i can get out of this besides being a dick. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 March 2012):
 'Not too picky' is an understatement.
You said she is a coworker when you're back from college. Does that mean most of the year you neither see nor hear from her? If so you may not have to say anything.
In fact it might be better for both of you if you don't make any announcements. Do not invite her for any more hook ups and if she invites you politely decline with 'No, thanks. I'm not up for that anymore.' If she asks any questions respond with 'casuial hook ups have lost their appeal.' If she persists, simpy tell her 'I don't want to!' and leave it at that.
I suggest you don't volunteer any reasons why. The more you say the more opportunity you give her to try to change your mind and the greater the risk of hurting her feelings (though if she is tactless enough to press then I wouldn't feel too badly about that).
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 March 2012):
 Ewww why would you even DIP into that one?
*shudder*
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (29 March 2012):
 Ah, your update helps a lot. Now you is not a dick. If you told her from the beginning that you couldn't give her relationship, and she was using you (an insecure kid) as much as you was using her, then everything is different. Things are much more balanced.
You don't even have to mention no spark or go overboard to make her feel great. Sorry, but a 27year old woman has no business preying on a 19year old teenager.
Now you can just say, "Thank you, it's been fun, but I'm not going to see you anymore. This relationship isn't very good for me, and I can't be around you any more"...
If she asks why, tell her you need to be with people your own age, and you and her don't share any interests, don't go out and right now at your age, it's not good for you to be tied down with anyone. Thank her for being kind enough to spend time with you... and then move on.
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A
female
reader, uroboros +, writes (29 March 2012):
" She is miss half of her teeth, covered in scabs that she will not stop picking, rarely showers and is an alcoholic."
you say she's also dumb and narrow minded.
hahaha, even seeing you've kept her as booty call only i see you must have been well desperate!
everybody here tells you to be honest with that girl.... regarding your low opinion about her - please DO NOT BE HONEST. your honesty will only knock her down.
be polite instead.
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A
male
reader, BigMac92 +, writes (29 March 2012):
BigMac92 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Okay sorry i left out a few thing
1) when we started i told her I'm not looking for anything serious. She knows we are just fooling around.
2) I was a fat, pimply teenager who just recently became a little comfortable in my own skin. I know I'm not a great catch looks wise but I know I'm not the worst looking. She is miss half of her teeth, covered in scabs that she will not stop picking, rarely showers and is an alcoholic.
3) I am 19 year old, she is 27 year old. What could she have been expecting
4) During work she would talk about having "one night stands" with people all the time
5) Also it is not just the looks. She has to be one of the dumbest, narrow minded and boring person I've ever met.
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A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 wow... your a dick. She will be fine once she realises that she escaped the dick you are. Maybe by ending it she will forgive you and thank you... after all you are saving her from being with a dick.
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A
female
reader, Echo85 +, writes (25 March 2012):
 It's a bit late to worry about being a dick, You're already past that point.
If she didn't know you were just using her for sex then no matter what, you are going to hurt her. Just make sure you explain that it's your fault, tell her you've realised you are just not ready for another relationship and that she is too special a person to be sitting around waiting for you to sort your head out. Finally, tell her she is WAY too good for you and that she could do so much better. That her 'One' is out there waiting for her.
Then walk away and stop using vulnerable girls.
People are worth more than that.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (25 March 2012):
 Well dude. . . sigh. Just know this. Someday you'll fall for a girl that unfortunately was just using you to fill the void until her next REAL heart-throb comes along. Only then will you know how completely selfish of a person you were. Did you think you were doing her a favor by sleeping with her because you were out of her league? No, you weren't. You were only digging a hole into her heart with no plans on filling it back up. I don't approve of this kind of behaviour but since you've already lit the fire, I'll try to help you extinguish it. Simply tell her that she's a great girl and that if this "relationship" continues you'll only be using her as you're not yet ready to be in a relationship again. Be as honest as you can without being cruel. Ofcourse she'll be hurt in the process but as long as she understands that it meant and will never mean anything, then she can begin the healing process as soon as possible.Dude. . .watch your back. Karma is keeping tabs. Believe me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 March 2012):
Soory dude, a dick will always look like a dick, no matter how many "pretty words" you put out there.
I would stick with the :
Sorry, I'm not looking for anything serious right now.
And MAN, let that HUGE boulder on your should drop.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): No your going to look like a dick... because you had sex with her, led her on, but didn't really like her and were just "using her for sex" to me, anybody that leads someone on to "use them for sex" IS a dick, so you made your bed........ just soak it up!
And
Good luck.x
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A
female
reader, uroboros +, writes (25 March 2012):
instead of telling him how much of an arsehole he is just focus on the question he asked people.
tell her gently u wanted to have some fun and thought it was obvious for her as well, DON'T USE THE WORD REBOUND!
make sure she understood u don't want a relationship with her. don't be rude and nasty like 'it was good fucking you but i'm way out of her league' or anything like that. just be calm, tell her what you have to say, and do not bother her ever again. she will be sad about it for no more that 15 minutes, i promise.
next time u want to have casual fun, remember it's not nice to find out you're mucked about, today you do it to someone, and tomorrow someone else makes you suffer.
this is how it works.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 Tell her you don't want a relationship with her. Don't say you are out of her league, or that she is unattractive to you or anything like that. Just say you aren't 'feeling right about it'. You can break up with her without making her feel terrible if you bear in mind her feelings and don't let your own ego get in the way.
The best way is to be 100% clear also: make sure she knows its over and theres no negotiation.
I must say that comment you made about being 'out of her league' is very unattractive. In my experience the people who go around saying that when young end up in a league all by themselves later in life. Be careful with that.
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A
female
reader, BeckySmith101 +, writes (25 March 2012):
Im sorry for all those comments about you being a dick and yes, you are but i understand why you did it. When a relationship ends, the rebound is anyone who seems intersted in you and you took your pick. She seemed nice and now she isn't looking like it anymore. the easiest thing to so it what agneeman said. explain gently and let her blow her trumpet. DONT mention that you were using her for sex unless she gets REALLY angry. Just take it slow and turn your back to her when you dismiss her and dont make a single bit of contact with her. even if she calls you or talks to you.
Good luck hun!
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): it sounds like you are a dick. you just like to screw women and dump them when you get bored with them. seems like your ego is inflated also.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (25 March 2012):
You are a dick, no matter what happens you can't change that, you are selfish and like to use people..
Anyway how about trying, "I'm sorry but this isn't working for me, it's nothing that you have done wrong, but I'm just not feeling the spark anymore... "
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 March 2012):
 'Sorry, I'm not looking for anything serious right now.'
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A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 Rephrase: I am a dick, I just don't want to seem like one.
Those of us with vagina's, well most of us, can't handle some one in there that isn't going to stay, its just hard for us. We try, but yeah... The sooner a girl figures that out the better, so you may just, in some twisted way, have done her a favour...
But not so fast. Its never a good idea to tell a girl "you're not attractive" but, please, other than that, be honest.
U:"I'm sorry, I just don't feel the same way you do. "
Her: "but why??" [sniff, sniff]
U: [gentle voice] look, some times people don't feel the same way.
Her: [angry or upset] But I thought [insert valid statement(s) here ] and you said [insert more valid statement(s) here].
U: [doing that I'm -actually-the-victim-of-this thing that guys do well] ok! Touche! All of that might be fair, but what do you want me to do, lead you on? I'm just trying to be a friend here...I don't feel the same way you do. Do you want me to lie about that? [note, the use of questions, so that her answers mean
it becomes her idea to break up with you...]
There might be no way to avoid initial anger (sorry) but, as a girl, I think honesty, without cruelty will help her get over the anger sooner.
Any way, hope that works.... Either way, in a year or two from now, when Miss Ugly Duckling becomes a swan, when she learns what it is that makes her seem unnatractive (skin? Weight? Hair? Make up? Confidence?) and walks into a room like a bombbshell, please, please do me the favour of comming back to this post and telling me "I never thought it was possible, but you were right"
Thanks :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): Don't mean to be rude BUT you knew she was out of your league when you first started screwing around with her,we must think before we act, so you must having liked the pudding because you kept going back more, there's a time to hold and a time to fold so yes I would say you are a D**k.
Too bad she couldn't tell you didn't like her so please let her down easy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): You're horrible
this girl probably lays in her bed at night, crying because she knows she's not good enough for you but hoping and praying you'll see past her flaws. She probably does everything she can, just to try and make herself worthy.
I have been this girl and it hurts more than anything.
You need to let her go easy..tell her she's a great girl, but you're not ready for a relationship of any type. tell her any other guy would be lucky to have her, but you're not the guy for her.
do it now, before she invests herself into this. before she starts to really like you.
how long have you been 'fooling' around with her?
And now, don't ever do this again to another girl. She has feelings, and you're gonna break this poor girls heart.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (25 March 2012):
Is she under the impression you're looking for a relationship? Does she know you just broke up with someone? Having a better idea of what her expectations might be would help to answer your question.
Whatever the situation, I recommend you keep it simple, but not dismissive. Besides asking if she has done something wrong it would be rather rude of her to press for more details. That forces you to either lie (thus prolonging the anguish while she tries to work things out) or adds salt to the wound.
Tell her you're not ready for a serious relationship and you don't want something casual. Of course, she may write to us and we'll all tell what you said was just a polite way of saying you're not into her. We get a lot of those.
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