A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Afew days ago my husband told me he wasnt happy anymore. I was completely devestaded, and all of a sudden started thinking of all of the things I had done wrong. I asked him why, and he said he didnt know and that he had been this way for a few weeks. I feel awful because I know I have evolved into the nagging housewife that everyman dreads. Its all about me, and he cant do anything up to my expectations. I do everything right and he's always wrong. Well even though in actuallity none of that is true, I treated him this way without realizing. Heres the real truth. My husband has had a hard year, and so have I. The economy is not helping either! We were both laid off last year. I was fortunate to immediately have another job, but him not so much. And even though he didnt, he still made the efforts to get unemployment, looked for a job everyday, and busted his ass helping his dad working for any extra money. He would clean the house and do laundry when he could, while I worked a second job, and come to think of it, remained in excellent spirits while being unemployed. I never said thank you, or wished him the best at finding a job, or supporting him in what he actually wanted to do. My ex kept me from living my dreams, and I know what thats like. I definitely dont want to do the same to him. He wants to go bankrupt to wipe his slate clean, and is heartbroken over his cycle that he lost. He has a nice truck he wants to finish since he doesnt have his scycle and ofcourse i dont let him know i support it one bit. What the hell should it matter, it makes him happy, right? Thats all that matters to me is that he is happy because I love him soooo much! He worked sooo hard fixing this truck, and he took his time on it to make sure it was right. I was always negative to him about it too. I never asked him how it was coming or if there was anything I could do to help. Hell I didnt even tell him how beautiful it was when he finished it. It is pretty. The prettiest shade of Blue. We have different hobbies, I slammed his and didnt support it at all. i called it stupid, and a waste of money, but I expected him to wait on me hand in foot with my hobby. That aint right. When he had 3 job opportunitys he took the one that made ME happy, not him. I know thats part of why he's not happy. I just dont know why he wont admit it to me. In fact i dont know why I expect him to admit it when I damn well know what I did. I am soo proud of him and love him so much. He has giving me everything I could have ever wanted and then some. And what do I give him? A hard time. HE is my best Friend, I thought i was his, but if i had myself for a best friend, I guess I wouldnt have any self confidence either! I just wonder if he knows that I really do understand how he feels. i do, i had someone for a few years that disagreed with everything I wanted to do in life. I found though, that people who are that way are not happy with themselves so they just fix the people in their surroundings to make them happy. Im happy now, I guess i just got in a habit of it from not being happy. We had a depressing working atmosphere when we worked together, and a poorly managed business and I think thats when i started trying to mold everything. I miss helping him in the shop and him teaching me things. I miss him telling me who all he thought was pretty on tv and watching rap videos just to see all the cool cars. I miss going to the car shows, and watching him ride his horses. I miss him being happy. And I miss me not being myself. If hes not happy Im not happy. I love him with all my heart, and dont know wether I should keep on about this and keep apologizing, or to just let it go and see if it works itself out. i have a terribly guilty conciuos so i have a hard time just ignoring it, but if it will make him happy, I will let it go. I just dont know how to say Im sorry with all my heart and that I understand, to where he will take me back and love me again. I know, god I know. All I see down the road for me financially is hard, and hell yeah its depressing. Everything i make is gone at the end of the day, and it seems I have nothing left, and that i will be like that for the rest of my life. I wanna go places, see the world, travel, buy nice things for the people I love, take vacations, and just be abale to do what i want when i want! Burt atleast i have someone to share my brokeness with. I know im not the only one.. I am very fortunate to have a job, and a paycheck everyweek. I know I wont be able to make my hubby happy over night, even though i wish to god i could. But i do wish he would accept my apology, and to always feel free to talk to me if there is a problem so we can work it out. Ive felt sick for the past 3 days out of pure guilt. But I deserve it, I brought it on myself, and should suffer for it. But I dont wanna lose my husband because of it. Will I?
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bankrupt, best friend, confidence, heartbroken, money, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): AWWWWE
Show your husband what you just wrote, and proove it to him in the next 100 years haha, I hope it isn't too late, but he is telling you this too change, you are so young so now is the time to change things don't let things drag on, Love him make him feel special..you sound sweet, because of your honesty. You also got lost in the craziness of marriage stress, so the both of you deserve to be spoiling each other with each other...So go love your man!
Good Luck
xoxo
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Hi
I really admire your honesty and the fact thet you are not trying to make excuses. I would try again it is possible to CHOOSE happiness. I can not say too much but i do hope you and your husband can be the people you really want to be...Good luck! recognition is good it can stop things getting any worse.....not too late.
via con dios.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): HiI really admire your honesty and the fact thet you are not trying to make excuses. I would try again it is possible to CHOOSE happiness. I can not say too much but i do hope you and your husband can be the people you really want to be...Good luck! recognition is good it can stop things getting any worse.....not too late.via con dios.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Tell him everything you just told us! And mean it! Start changing your ways today! I don't think it is too late for you. Good Luck! You are lucky to have such a guy and it is time you let him know that!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (27 February 2009):
Every now and then we need a kick up the bum to realise what we have really been like. This has been yours.
So rather than telling me all this, write it out and leave it on his truck.
Tell him how much you love him.
Hug him, kiss him, make him feel like your big gorgeous man again. This will all blow over when you tell him he is right and you both start talking and you show him that you are not this person, you are the person he loves.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I'm with the previous poster... show your hubby what you wrote! If he didn't care to change the relationship, he would have left and not told you what was wrong... let him know you care and are willing to play your part! He probably feels the same way you do about some of that stuff.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): This is kind of surprising and nice. Surprising because I didn't think that there'd ever be a woman that would ever admit to these kind of things. It's usually something that men do and are encouraged to do so much more than women.
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A
male
reader, Luaris +, writes (27 February 2009):
 Thats really one of the most convincing proclamations of love Ive ever heard. I think the way to fix this would be as simple as showing him what youve wrote on here. Knowing that that is genuinely how you feel I know he will understand. Good luck
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A
female
reader, loving arms +, writes (27 February 2009):
babe show your husband the letter you have written. Then try to do all the things you know you should have done from the beginning. Hopefully he's telling you he is unhappy so things change and not because he wants to end things. This is your wake up call girl. So become the person you need to be for you both to have a happy marriage. I wish you the best of luck.
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