A  ,
*ambelina
writes:Dear Agony Aunts! Please help me as you've always guided me so well in the past..I am 23 and my boyfriend of 2 years and I have just had a beautiful baby boy whom I absolutely adore.. The only thing is that now he is 4 months old, he seems to be the best thing in my life but he is literally all I get up for in the morning. I love my partner but I keep finding myself thinking "is this it??" now. I'm only 23 and now that I am living like a married couple with a family it feels like my life is over and my freedom is gone..? I feel so guilty for feeling like this because I know he loves me very much and we have a lovely place to live in and a gorgeous son but it's like something inside of me is craving freedom and seeing more of "what's out there"? Why do I feel like this? I would never dream of leaving my son or hurting him in any way and I worry that if these feelings escalate that they could lead to it somehow affecting him- who will always be my main priority.What should I do? xxxx Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (5 July 2008):
 It's good your realize your feelings. For many people this begins the slide into being content and never bothering to turn over any more stones. It also leads to boredom and cheating.
NEVER forget where your son came from. Never forget that your partner needs your attention too. It is very easy for women to become totally wrapped up in being mothers and forget about being wives. It happens all the time, resentment builds and marriages fall apart.
Always make time for your partner. Always go on dates. Try to be sexy. Do not continually put his needs on the back burner. One day the kids will leave and you'll be left with him. The status of your relationship at that point will be determined by what you've put into it.
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (5 July 2008):
 It is normal for lots of women to feel like this, all that build up and then suddenly a feeling of flatness and restlestness. There IS more to life and you will rediscover the other sides of yourself, you are not just mum and wife. Dont feel guilty you still have lots of hormones flying around!
My life doesnt revolve around my children, my children are a vital part of my life but I still make time for me as a person not just a mother and we all make the effort to fit around each others lives.
Join some baby groups and when you make friends make sure you talk about other things than just the babies. When my third child was born I was very lonely, all my friends had older kids and so were at work, not stuck at home with a baby like me (I have two teenagers too). I sat and moped around for months but eventally realised that if I wanted more out of life I had to find it. Three years on a group of seven of us still meet up at least once a week together at each others houses and some of us meet up at toddlers activities too.
Make time for yourself, whether its a trip to the hairdressers or for a manicure, or even just for a coffee with a friend without baby, or find a new hobby. Either get grandparents to have your son or do something on a weekend when hubby can have him. I took up piano lessons as its something I have always wanted to do and it gave me a child free afternoon once a week before he started nursery. Maybe you need to return to work full or part time so you feel you have a life outside the home, Ive been at home 4 years and I am BORED to tears!!!! But we have decided as older parents (40 in 2 weeks) that I wont work until he is at full time school as I want to see him grow and change and he is amazing at the moment, discovering new things and learning all the time. However some mums just want to go straight back to work which is fine, it is down to how you feel as an individual.
If the feelings dont improve talk to your health visitor as it is possible you have post natal depression which is very often undiagnosed x I wish you happiness
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (5 July 2008):
 Perhaps you need a timeout? You have been busy with this baby for over a year now. A little break is in order perhaps?
Is there someone who can take care of the baby for you so that you and your husband can spend a night or even weekend with just the two of you?
Routine is the killer of romance so break it up a little.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (5 July 2008):
 Also hunny give your partner the chance to take some care of the little one work out a system of some kind that you are not the one that gets up every morning that he does it as well, And dont think he cant because he can he may not do it like you but it will help you and help him as well xxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (5 July 2008):
Hunny
There is nothing wrong with you a visit to your nurse may not go amiss but to be honest what your saying I can understand as this is how I felt when I had my son he is 26 now I was only just 20 when I had him and I felt like my life had changed so much which it had. because all my friends were going off to japan and having great times travelling I thought I was missing out but NO! I wasnt I remember his first word like it was yesterday well it was 2 words, I sneezed and he said bless you! Well thats never left me it still now bring tears of joy to me. It was so cute..My friends have gone on to have children older in life and they are now experiencing what I did but the thing you will experience with your child will far out way the other things..And as you've had you little one early in life like me when he grows up you will be able to party on down with him love I party with mine all the time its great fun..Ive travelled sinse but its great to come home to my children as my little family have kept me strong as will your little one sweetheart...TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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