A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently discovered that my bf of 1.6 years was a huge sissy back in high school like super feminine. I found from some of his old female friends when I attended his high school reunion with him a few nights ago. They even said he never had a girlfriend in her either so they were kinda surprised to see me a woman. I can't stop thinking about it. Should I be worried? He doesn't seem like a sissy now he acts like a regular guy. He's not the toughest guy either he's very kind and caring and soft spoken but not feminine I think. He's not really into sports and loves chick flicks. Our relationship seems to be good but now I'm worried he could be gay and in the closet or maybe bi. Now I'm super critical of everything he does now. Yesterday he was singing this Selena Gomez song word for word in the kitchen and as soon as I entered he stopped only to start singing a Drake song 2 mins later.He listens to much more women songs than guy songs. I'm just realising. What do I do?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (13 October 2021):
 Personally I think you should finish your relationship and let this guy find someone who accepts him 100%. If it took something as stupid and superfluous as what some random unknown (to you) person said at a reunion to completely change your mind about this lovely guy (you don't mention having any doubts previous to that), then what else is going to make you doubt him?
Regardless of what anyone says on this site, you now have severe doubts about him and are being "super critical" in an effort to catch him out and find some "proof" to back up your unfounded suspicions.
This lovely guy deserves better. Cut him loose to find someone who trusts him and loves him as he is.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2021): Typo Correction:
"Nip this nonsense at the bud!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2021): ***Eyeroll!!!***Now Shaking My Head!!!***
Rumors and lies have put people in the grave. High school rumors make psychiatrists and psychologists wealthy people. It keeps them overrun with patients. Mean-girls and goofy jocks have literally made kids commit suicide; because they couldn't withstand the crush of all the vicious name-calling and bullying of pin-headed knuckleheads like that scornful female who spewed verbal-diarrhea all over you at the class reunion. The worst part is, you took that trash home with you to vomit over your boyfriend!!!
You've known the man for nearly two years. You've turned on him based on a comment from someone who was possibly one of the people who started the rumors; and probably tormented your boyfriend throughout high school.
Liking certain songs or recording artists is how you determine a guy's sexual-orientation and his level of masculinity???
Woman, reread your own post. Are you serious?!! Or just kidding with us???
If this is what he is going to have to deal with from here on? Just let him go!
From now on, you'll be scrutinizing his every movement and gesture trying to decide if he's straight or gay? He'd be better-off with someone who loves him for who he is; and whose mind hasn't been poisoned by some stupid rumor from somebody back when they were in high school. You could be labeled a sissy just because somebody doesn't like you, you sang in school chorus, were too shy; or if you rejected some toxic-person who couldn't handle your nerve to turn them down. If she was somebody also in her 30's, I can't imagine how someone that old would even be taken seriously for being so unbelievably petty and stank!!!
All guys aren't into sports, all guys don't chug beer, all guys don't disrespect females with toxic-masculinity, and all guys who are super-macho masculine aren't straight!!! You only know the stereotypical gay-male characteristics; which is usually accentuated with effeminacy and flamboyance. Those are the obvious, but you can't label someone gay based on the songs they listen to; or if they can recall the lyrics to certain songs.
If you are afraid to discover he's gay or bisexual; it's better to breakup than to put him through the same torment he might have suffered in high school. He'll instinctively notice you're acting weird; and he'll figure-out what's up, because homophobia is a disease that festers and becomes blatantly obvious.
I understand a straight-woman wants a "real-man," and straight-man wants a "real-woman." Being gentle and easygoing doesn't make a guy less of a man. Being a rash brute and an obnoxious beast doesn't make him more of a man either. This type of aggressive male-behavior is why we have Dear Cupid! I do agree, nobody likes crazy surprises when it comes to the person you love. You don't want someone who doesn't want you in all the same ways. All was fine until you heard that rumor!
Here's my advice. If you can't shed your suspicions, don't put him through your masculinity-tests and distrust. Tell him what you've heard, how you feel about it; and then let him go. Nip it this nonsense the bud. I see a storm of foolishness in the forecast.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (13 October 2021):
 Perhaps you are overthinking this? You can't believe everything that those women said. I'd put far more trust and weight into how he is now, how he treats you then the talk of some people you barely know. People do change and it was quite awhile ago that he was in high school. What do your gut feelings tell you? Honestly the "ladies" and I use that term loosely sound a little catty to me. MEOW
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (13 October 2021):
 You are over 30. You have finally settled down with a nice guy who shares likes and interests with you. You are ready to chuck him aside over what a few snotty girls in his high school class say? Did you pay attention to this type of girl when you were 16-20? How many more chances do you think you are going to get?
Some facts for you that you seem to be missing:
Gay men like masculine men. Not sissies.
Nice guys stay committed in their relationships.
Girls Lie.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (13 October 2021):
 It was a long time ago, people grow up and change over the years. Most people are completely different from when they were at school, especially when your talking a decade later, or even 15 years.
I think its wrong to judge him by what some people told he was like a school reunion, maybe it was all in jest. I dread to think what would be said about me at a school reunion.
Its silly to think he could be gay just based on this, that is just silly.
I myself have quite an eclectic taste in music, i was not sure there was woman songs and guy songs, a song is a song and if you like it and the beat is good what is wrong with singing along to it.
I think you are reading way to much into all of this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 October 2021):
 This has to be a wind-up post...
What are you 12?
Are you still the same person as you were in High school?
If you are, then maybe you need to grow up.
Being effeminate (as a child, teenager, or adult male) doesn't automatically mean gay. (or bi).
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