A
male
age
51-59,
*ineOfWonders
writes:Alright im going to try to make this short as possible.Ok, when I was in my early 20s I had a friend that I was really close to. He had a sister that was I'm guessing 6 years younger than him (I can't rember). So she had a thing for me, but of course I was older than her, She was about 15 years old. My buddy was also in his early 20s as well. So they end up haveing to move. And lets call her "linda", "linda" had told me how much she adored me and so on, before she left. But before she left she asked me if I would sleep with her. My answer was automatically no, but she was very perusassive in her own little way. She said she had taken the pill and such and nothing would happen. You know anything and everything you would want to hear. And she said I had nothing to lose and nothing to worry about becuase she was going to move away so I would never have to hear from again. So yeah I ended up haveing sex with her wich was very stupid of me, but this was a good 10-15 years ago i'd say. Or around their at least. So now im a married man with 3 kids ages 3,6 and 9. Well a couple weeks ago someone added me on myspace. And the request description box said: hey it's me "linda" I have something important to tell you. At first I didn't know who "linda" was. But later I figured out who it was. She asked me for my current telephone number so she could tell me the thing that was oh so important. At first I wasn't so convinced about giveing her my telephone number but I thought O heck it's one of my old mates younger sisters who had a little crush on me, maybe she wants to talk or something.And to my suprise she tells me I have a teen son. At first I didn't quite understand what she was telling me, for I have 3 kids and only one of them is a male and hes only 6. So she later explains to me that she got pregnant by me and had kept it a secret until she could no longer hide she was pregnant from her parents. After "linda" and her brother moved away me and her brother lost our connection we no longer called eachother. So I guess "jake" ["lindas" brother] lost my telephone number or something. So she had no way of contacting me or anything, to notify me that she was pregnant with my child. I haven't yet told my wife about this . And haven't even told her I ever slept with "linda". And even less told her i slept with somone who was underage at the time. How do I tell her? And my teen son I have never seen and missed so much out on.... How am I going to talk to him? So many things I missed out on. How do I tell my wife? How do I confront her about this? Any advise?Thank you
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female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (13 October 2008):
 It's not like you had an affair that resulted in this child you knew nothing about. You were practically a kid yourself when this ONS happened. You should be upfront with your wife about all of this - especially if you are intending to have some involvement with this young man now. The fact you had sex with a minor will NOT be the issue believe me....it'll be this child. Your wife will naturally feel anxious about what this is going to mean for you, for the two of you as a couple, for her children, her family...the same things you've no doubt been worrying about. Make sure you show her how important she and your kids together are to you!
If you do meet this boy it will be strange for all of you - imagine how it will be for the boy meeting you for the first time...with your family. You need to think of him and your other 3 kids.
Maybe you and your wife AND this boy's mother should get some professional advice about how to make these introductions and how to integrate both your families. There are probably some things to avoid and some things to do to lessen the shock etc...that's what I'd be doing! Don;t involve any of the children until all you grown ups have got your head around things and have a 'plan'.
It'll be a bit 'tricky' perhaps - but there could be lots of very positive things to come from this if it is handled right!
Don;t forget - there are always aunts and uncles here to 'talk to' if you need to!
A
female
reader, meforyou  +, writes (8 October 2008):
You have to ask yourself, does your wife really need to know? unless there coming over to visit then yes it would be wise. If they are not, then i'm sure what you have missed out with your teen son, you can do with your son you have now. If your wife is understanding though, honesty is the best policy! good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): Wow. That's a doozy. I first would have someone watch the kids before you do it. You do need to tell her. You're just going to have to spit it out. This will be a bombshell that will put her into shock. I get the feeling from your post that you guys are a tight unit. I am sure that once she gets over the initial shock she will accept it. I would include her when you meet your teen son. That will be awkward at first, I'm sure. I bet his mom has told him that you did not know about him. Just open your heart and welcome him. It may take time to establish a relationship. Good luck to you. Be brave!
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