A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well to start off I was in a 3 year relationship with my ex and basically I just need to let it all out.I'm the person who posted about the low heartbeat. My baby was fine at 6 weeks, good heartbeat and looked healthy but then on the Friday I went back and it's heartrate was very slow and on Friday just gone I had another internal to see how it was, sadly my baby had stopped growing and there was no heartbeat. I felt really sad but I know that it would of happened anyway but it does hurt because I knew I'd be a good Mum to my baby and didn't need the Dad.Whilst I was pregnant and ill he was texting me saying if I got rid of it he'd see me after and we'd see how it goes and how he'll never love anyone like he loved me and how he'd always have time for me. Then I found out the day before my scan that he had a new girlfriend, which he promised he would tell me if he did get one and then accused me of just wanting to keep the baby to keep him. From how fowl he treated me, I wasn't even planning on having him on the birth certificate.He threatened to chop my head off and jump on me till the baby was sure to be dead when I told him. Then when I said I want to keep it he told me to never speak to him again, so I didn't contact him for 2 weeks then he rung me because my Mum told him that I wasn't getting rid of it. When I found out he had a girlfriend he denied it, so I rang his Mum and told her I was pregnant - he was planning to make me get rid and not telling anyone. His Mum was nice about it but didn't seem to care that he'd threatened me and never told him that he was wrong for just ignorin me and making me feel so awful, I even had his friends threatening me (Grown Men threatening me because he's in with the wrong crowd, drug dealers and druggies etc)When I told him that I'd told his Mum because he'd lied to me and basically I felt humiliated that everyone knew he'd moved on except me whilst he was with all his nice texts he told me I'm disrespectuful and he's going to kill me. And then the next day when I found out I'd lost the baby, I rang him and told him and all he said was 'Oh right' and hasn't even rang to see if I'm ok and I was really upset that I'd lost the baby because I was having trouble at home with it and he didn't seem to care, which you would at least expect him to after so long even if he didn't want to be with me.But he always made me feel ashamed of myself and it's making me think I might not find anybody else. In 3 years he never took me out, and made excuses why I couldn't go anywhere. He called me fat and ugly, and if somebody said I was pretty or whistled at me (because it does happen often) he comes home and shouts at me and says I tell him to make mad at me. But I thought that he should be proud to be with me, and he punished me for kissing a boy 4 years ago but his new girlfriend has slept with most boys we know! I just don't understand why he was so nasty to me if he loved me so much then why did he want to make me feel so bad about myself? He hit me, but made it look like play fighting. By giving me dead legs and arms till it hurt so much I cryed and he'd hit me on my head with things like the remote and key board and it hurt alot. And when we was in bed if he was mad at me he'd kick me and try and push me out of bed and then not let me have any quilt. I just feel so hurt because I really did love him, I don't now because I realise how nasty he really was but it didn't seem like that at the time.I'm not fat but he always told me how flabby I am, my BMI is 18.3 and I'm 5'11 but my weight looks normal if you ask me. And for being ugly I don't think I'm as ugly as he said cause people do say I'm pretty and boys stare at me (but he made me think they must be staring at my imperfections) and if somebody whistles or says something nice when I'm out I just automatically think they must be humouring me or else why would the person who 'loved' me seem to of hated me so much. I'm just really worried about when I do find someone else they'll see what he saw and hate me too because I am a nice person, and don't like to critisise people or judge them.I just don't know how to move on from him because I don't miss him or love him anymore it's just how he treated me makes think about it and worry about what he used to say to me. My friend's boyfriends think the world of them and I know it will take a while to accept the miscarriage but I know that the poor baby would grow up with a Dad who didn't care about it so I'm glad that my baby won't have to go through that. I just don't understand why he didn't treat me properly, and I was stupid to stay with him but after overlooking everything I realise that it was wrong how he treated me and I do deserve better.Thanks for reading, I just really needed to let it all out.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (17 February 2008):
 Your ex is definately a piece of work, and not from a good design. Sorry about your loss. That has to be hard and so many unanswered questions.
I'd say if this boy contacts you again, tell him to have no contact with you. You're on the right direction to healing and being a better person for yourself. You recognize that he didn't treat you well, now you have an idea of what you're not looking for in a relationship.
There is no one out there that has any right to treat you in the way your ex did. When you decide to date again, knowing how you don't want to be treated, you have every right to demand to be treated the way you choose to be. If they don't want to you can make the choice to not associate with that person.
I hope everything works out for you. Take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): please dont go near this guy again, if you dont feel strong then is there anyway you could go and stay with some relatives or friends out of the area? you need to get strong again and then you will be ok. this guy will never change. i met my ex at the age of 15 and he was 16, i am now 35 and am only now just getting away from him. i know its hard but you must do this for your own health. he has just brainwashed you to start hating yourself and feel like your nothing without him. read all about domestic violence on the internet and then you will begin to understand. i know you will be ok as long as you dont go near him or speak to him and no contact with any of his mates or your mates that talk about him or hang about with him.
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A
female
reader, carebear +, writes (17 February 2008):
 Hi
Got to agree with Dawnie, it saddens me too to read such a heartfelt post from one so young.This (thing) has done you a big favour although you might not think so now by leaving you, could you imagine what you & babys life would be like?
Stay away from him no contact nothing, get help as Dawnie advised heal yourself dear you are a good person trying to do the right things no one should treat you like that its called abuse,when you are all sorted which you will be get yourself a good nice b/f like your friends have someone that good/nice to you respects you cares for you thinks the world of you cause you deserve it.
Take care
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A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (17 February 2008):
 I felt really sad reading your post, love. You have gone through something awful at such a young age. You will come out of this tougher and stronger, i could sense that when coming to the end of your post. That b/f of yours was a vicious nasty coward and you are well rid of him, i know that is easy for me to say but it horrifies me to see how some people suffer such abuse at these worthless cowards hands.
I am so sorry about your baby, you need to get counselling as i think that would help you so much. I understand you feeling that you are ugly but you are not, he has made you feel that by destroying your confidence and your self esteem is low. You sound brave and mature for your years.
Please speak to your family, they can help you and you need your friends too. I would say your ex should be prosecuted for GBH but this could make things worse and if he has morons out there that can threaten you it could cause problems for you. Please seek counselling and let me know how you get on.
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