A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Pls help me. I am really upset. Please :'(I have loved her like crazy for 4 years. We started uni 4 years ago together. I was a Pakistani and she was too. I fell in love with her. She did not love me. I made her say yes to me after a lot of efforts. The next year was a year of intense flirting. She flirted with other guys in front of me. I was broken. The next year she accepted that she never loved me but said yes just to make me happy.In this 2nd year of relation she still flirted with guys. There were a lot of fights. Whenever I tried to touch her or kiss her, she would say something extremely hurting.The next year she became close to me. She let me have sex with her. This was with her own choice. We were by then in a somewhat strong bond. Till then the discussion of my immigration to USA had started. However in between these times, she still had secret conversations with those old guys. There were occasional fights over it too. Also she would call me a RAPIST that stole her virginity from her. But at the same time she would go with me in hotel rooms for sex and after that, again in a fight, she would call me a rapist. Now the 4th year, a month ago, my immigration for USA confirmed. I told her. She cried a lot and showed extreme love and attachment. And it seemed to me that she is really crazy for me now. She wants me she loves me. I gave her the promise of marriage and came here, USA for a better life.Now 10 days have passed. In 1st 3 to 4 days she came online, had a video conversation and showed extreme grief of my absence and extreme love to me.But then she misbehaved with me the 5th day, deleted me from her Facebook account and has not yet tried to say sorry and communicate.My friends back there tell me that she has become extremely attached with me after my departure. She is really in love with me now. But I am totally confused. She is doing things that show a different picture. Please help me. I have loved her so honestly. So deeply and have always received sadness in return. Am I going to be ditched?As a reaction of her ignoring behavior and misbehaving, If I get involved with a girl here, will it be cheating? Please help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for all the help. And Denise32; I am not an attractive guy by any means. I guess this is the reason why I have been treated like this.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (5 March 2011):
 She may have her reasons for behaving as she does, i dont agree to her calling you a "rapist" , she clearly has some mental issues.I think the best thing you can do, if you truly love her and want her is to take charge and write her an (email or letter) and tell her your feelings.Ask her if she really wants to be with you and only you and not with these other guys.Once she answers you will know where you stand with her and know you did no wrong. You can then make plans for her to come over or you will be able to move on with your new life meeting someone eventually who does deserve your love.Hope this helps :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 March 2011):
 Did you try calling her and asking her what happened ,why did she delete you from Facebook ?
It's only 10 days you are not in contact. If you love her so much- I'd think you'd check with her where do you stand in your relationship, before thinking of getting involved with other girls !
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (5 March 2011):
 Oh boy, she really has been playing games with you!
It's incredibly bad that she would agree to have sex with you but then turn round and call you a rapist!
By the way, I thought that Pakistan being a strict Muslim country having sex outside marriage - let alone dating, which I understand single Muslims are not supposed to do anyway - would really be frowned upon and could lead to a lot of trouble from parents and family if they found out?
Be that as it may, this young lady seems to "want her cake and eat it too" as the saying goes. In other words, she's happy to have all the attention you pay her - probably flatters her - while at the same time flirting with other men. And now, you're here in the US; she's still in Pakistan and paradoxically, she wants what she can't have - you.
I have to say, (somewhat in her defense) that possibly to begin with she felt you were really putting pressure on her to be in relationship with you, when perhaps she didn't much want to. (No matter how attracted you are to someone, its just about NEVER a good idea keep after them until they give in. In her case, it sounds like she gave in just to make you stop pestering her).
Sorry if this sounds harsh: but please, take it in the spirit in which its meant and next time you get attracted to a woman, don't try to push her into dating you if she doesn't really seem interested!
Anyway, to answer your question: if you get involved with a girl here, no it would not be cheating.
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A
female
reader, Purple spotted lizard +, writes (5 March 2011):
Right then, to me, its like shes...playing with you abit to much. She might think its fun to swing you around like this. Then she realized that she wont have her toy anymore and wants you to go back so she can play her game. Course its not cheating! If she hasnt talked to you in a long period of time you can classify your relationship with here gone. Done and Dusted. You can flirt with the lucky girl all you like, she made the right desition by the sounds of your behaviure to women you love. The girl at first, she didnt really love you i the first place, she wanted someone to blame probably. If she acts like that, dont you think you shoudnt go back? After all the hurt, leave it behind, its history. Shes lost contact, you cant speak to her so give up. She has gone.
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