A
male
age
51-59,
*ashtal
writes:I was/am (you see, I don't know) together with my partner for one year. She is 39 and I am 41. I have a child from a previous marriage, a lovely 12 year old girl while my partner is childless but wants children. We live 2 hours from each other, me in London and she on the coast. We had a wonderful, caring and loving relationship and our love for each other was in no doubt at all. Just last week over dinner she had something of a breakdown saying how she felt "squashed" between my daughter, my ex-wife and my mother. She had mentioned this a few times previously so I had made sure that there were no interruptions for car runs etc while we were together. She also complained that if she moved up to London to be with me she would give up everything and I, in turn, would give up nothing at all. She is very close to her parents, who are in their eighties and wants to be near them. The evening ended by her hugging me, kissing me and saying she loves me but she has to finish it. A few days later I drove down to her house and rang the bell in the morning carrying breakfast with me. She let me in, seemed at least not angry, and we talked. I offered to move down to Canterbury, a town about half an hour from her. This way, I could still get to work in London and spend two evenings a week with my daughter and every other weekend. Sensing commitment problems, I stressed that she did not need to move in with me in Canterbury. Well, she said she would think about it seriously. That was a week ago and nothing since then apart from a Facebook posting which said: "I'm working on it". Any ideas?
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (5 March 2011):
 she is still thinking things over. She is still not sure. Her first priority is still her parents.
She may not be genuine about wanting children as 39 is getting very late to try to get pregnant for the first time.
Her parents may consume her time and her efforts for then next 10 years. Cutting her out of all chances to get pregnant and have children.
She may prefer a man with no other responsibilities to their children, their ex, their family.
But she will still put her parents first as her moral responsibility. She may already be very set in her ways. Such that her stance may be 'her way or the highway'
Your daughter is about to enter the challenging teen years. When conflict can occur.
This woman living near the coast does not seem to view your daughter with empathy.
I think this woman is still mulling over in her head how she can reconcile what she wants, with what she sees as her primary moral responsibility (her parents)
I can see some difficulties ahead.
Your willingness to compromise (relocate closer) is admirable. Yet i do not think this woman is willing to compromise and cannot see a way out l
Best of luck, but this relationship appears to be facing road blocks, regards,
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (5 March 2011):
she is still thinking things over. She is still not sure. Her first priority is still her parents.
She may not be genuine about wanting children as 39 is getting very late to try to get pregnant for the first time.
Her parents may consume her time and her efforts for then next 10 years. Cutting her out of all chances to get pregnant and have children.
She may prefer a man with no other responsibilities to their children, their ex, their family.
But she will still put her parents first as her moral responsibility. She may already be very set in her ways. Such that her stance may be 'her way or the highway'
Your daughter is about to enter the challenging teen years. When conflict can occur.
This woman living near the coast does not seem to view your daughter with empathy.
I think this woman is still mulling over in her head how she can reconcile what she wants, with what she sees as her primary moral responsibility (her parents)
I can see some difficulties ahead.
Your willingness to compromise (relocate closer) is admirable. Yet i do not think this woman is willing to compromise and cannot see a way out l
Best of luck, but this relationship appears to be facing road blocks, regards,
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