A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm new here and was just looking for some advice. I've just turned 28 and am seriously worried because I've never had a girl friend. I just feel like everyone around me is able to move on with their lives but I just seem to be stuck at the same old point. I have a lot of good friends around me and most are now in long-term relationships. I just feel so alone, especially when I go out with them and am surrounded by couples. I don't even know what's wrong with me! I have a lot of interests and also belong to a couple of sports clubs but I just can't find my girl. I've never even had a first kiss and I just get so depressed every time I think about it. I'm not sure if I'll get any response to this - I guess a part of me just wanted to have a say.
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male
reader, WastedLife  +, writes (2 May 2008):
For some of us males - especially those that are not brought up in the USA and comfortable with being pushy, aggressive, and "funny"/happy while trying to sell themselves to women, the current paradigm of male/female "dating" is terribly sad, scary and painful. Women tell us to just "be ourselves", a ridiculous expression that simply does not parse, and tell us that waiting will make it twice as good. The latter is simply NOT true, it is just extended pain. Recurrent loving intimacy and female touch makes things better and better over time. In the old days when we had arranged marriages and/or a fixed standard that would make us "marriage material", guys knew what to work toward. Now we have to either be players, or incredibly lucky and have the correct funny outgoing personality. Most of us can't do it - you can't act "not scared" and not put out a vibe that will be felt as either angry or fearful, neither of which is appealing to women. Alcohol probably won't help, though some drugs might - depending on the guy. Is it better to buy a woman or drug yourself? You decide. I personally don't care what I have to do to have a woman want me, though I will always be good to her. She is sharing a gift that is beyond measure. In previous times, guys would go off to war and many would not return, which balanced the gender ratio a bit. Many women can do without men today, and few men are happy without women. The dating sites know this, and so do the bars, and that's why women get preferential treatment. I would ask that the women that read this realize the very hard job men have to be what you want these days.By the way - the term "Asian" is used differently on opposite sides of the pond. In the UK, I believe that it means someone from anywhere between India and Japan, and in the USA, the term generally implies "East Asian", with those from India referred to as "East Indian". Because of your culture, and the ofttimes inhibited upbringing of British folks(my background), we may have great difficulty in being as silly, funny, and expressive as modern women seem to want. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWith regards to wastedlife's advice, I don't think that paying someone would help me. In fact, I think that it would just make me feel worse, suggesting that no one wants to be with me unless I pay them. Can I also state that I'm from the UK and I use the term "Asian" to describe my Indian background. Reckon this makes a difference to my original dilema?
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A
male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (29 April 2008):
I had the privilege of first sex at 18 and had to work really hard to get that. I moved 3500 miles away from my parents to the PNW, the most sexually free part of the USA. Sex is VERY important to guys - and I don't think most women realize how much work we must do to get it, unless we are a "natural" - someone that had sex early and often, and grew up in a very permissive way. We reticent guys tend to shoot ourselves in the foot by not being pushy and "fun". Women have sex as part of the "fun" of a relationship, and many guys have "fun" to be desirable enough to sleep with.
It's tough, and the older you get, the tougher it is. At 28, you need to get laid fast. My suggestion is to find a call girl or escort, treat her well and let her know you are new to this and a bit nervous. Let the agency know and send a nurturing, yet hot type of woman. Be willing to pay for extra time since it is your first time, and make it a really special experience. See her again and again until you can project the aura that will let other women know you are there for sex as well as friendship. Women want experienced men usually - and saying you are a virgin is just not going to get them in bed. Ask your escort what will help - since she will get to know you well physically and emotionally. Whatever you do, recognize that you are on a time line, and just waiting won't help anything. Had I waited, I'd still be waiting. Remember that your escort can be your friend, and she is a real person just like you.
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A
female
reader, softballplaya +, writes (28 April 2008):
 hmmm good question, parties or meet up with friends and have them bring girls!
get a group going. Have fun mainly, thats what life and dating is about=]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies. It means a lot to me. It's nice to read words of encouragement:) Sounds crazy but I'm not sure where to meet women. I've been to loads of clubs and bars. Sometimes you can hardly hear what anyone says. So in that respect, attractions are all based on looks - which I'm not very confident about. Where else can I go to meet new people?
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (28 April 2008):
 So you're a late starter. Nothing wrong with that! Not everyone has their first kiss at 14 and first lay at 16 (thank God!)
Just a few questions: Are you setting the standard too high? Or are you writing off girls who don't seem quite what you want? There might be girls who might be great for you, but you just need a chance to get to know them better. Completely ordinary-seeming girls might have hidden depths and unknown attractions you can't see at first glance.
Anyway, go out on dates, lots of dates, "play the field" as they say. You'll not only enjoy yourself, and learn a few things about women and life at the same time, but you will eventually find someone who clicks. And that first kiss will be a dandy!
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (27 April 2008):
 When it happens (and it will) the waiting will make it twice as good - and that's a promise.
Now - read this carefully: if you are twenty-eight then quite definitely without a shadow of a doubt there will have been girls who have seen you, met you, and would have been quite happy to go to bed with you. It doesn't matter if you aren't the most handsome man in the world, it's a fact that out of all the girls who have seen you there will have been a number of them who would sleep with you. If you switch your outlook to watching the expression and attitude of every girl you meet and assume that if there aren't very good reasons for her not wanting you (like she's married or permanently attached) then you're in with a chance - and you will find one of them and make the best of that chance if that's what you want to do. Don't be afraid of rejection.
BUT - all those girls who would have slept with you - do you want any of them? Maybe not. Maybe you really are waiting for that one special girl and that's wonderful. The chances are that she will find you - but you mustn't close your mind and you really must look out for the obvious signs that she wants to get to know you better.
Good luck. Keep watching. She's out there.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): Just give it time and you'll find someone. Ive been in similar positions but survived. Have a blast while you're single and keep hoping and she'll come along when you're least expecting it. Good luck and happy hunting.
- Peterk5699 (on mobile)
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A
female
reader, just-ask-xx +, writes (27 April 2008):
 Honey, don't be silly. The right girl is out there somewhere for you and you'll find her. But for the time being, have a blast! Make the most of being single and have fun. Don't get depressed every time you think of it, be happy nomatter what. Act on your impulses and never regret anything that made you smile. Your first kiss will happen, believe me. So go out with your friends. If you feel alone, get a dog. I did. Honest and it helps and I love her unreal amounts. I live by myself and she fills the gap. So trust me, get a dog and live your life. You'l find the right person.
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A
female
reader, softballplaya +, writes (27 April 2008):
heyy listen you will get yourself a girl and when you do it will be great. Go out there and find her!, talk to some and get to know them. You will never find her if you dont look and test the waters. There is someone for everyone, there is a girl out there that was made for you. Have a little faith in yourself, keep a good attitude about it because it will happen. Dont let lifes little downers keep you down because they are everywhere, learn to overcome them. Things happen for a reason and im sure you have heard this before. Its true. You are letting what didnt happen today lower you chances of what may happen tommorow!
Get out there and expirement and find that girl thats made for you!
hope i helped
good luck&& take care=]
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