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anonymous
writes: My question is this, my boyfriend and I had a fight recently in which he called the police to lock me up cause i shoved him and hit him. He in turn got locked up. Police didn't like him and his attitude so they thought he go to jail for domestic violence. I told them that I didn't want that and I hit him first. I didn't want them there. We have talked and even been intimate since then, and agreed to work at this and take it slow. I am just wondering if this is cause of court. He says he needs his space and I agree that we both do. A lot of things were said that were hurtful. He is scared if this sort of thing happens again he will hit me. And he doesn't want to do that. I am the one that brought up trying to keep us as a couple. Am I fooling myself? Or should I trust him that he really wants this and just needs his space to heal and get a grip on things.
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reader, Dear Kelly +, writes (20 June 2005):
After reading your post and the advice you was looking for I have come to a conclusion and I am sorry to say but I don't think the problem is him that you should be worried about and questioning,...I think it's actually yourself, afte rall you was the one that did hit HIM, and whether it's a man hitting a women or women hitting a man, either way is unaceptable and in a Happy relationship this shouldn't be happening, therefore you both seem to have a lot of problems if you have to use your fists rather then TALK!So before anything my advice would be to sort out your anger, before you can even think of making a relationship work.Good luck in doing so!
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (20 June 2005):
Oh my, what a situation you are in sweet lady !Number one...there needs to be ZERO TOLERANCE for violence.No one has a right to strike another person, unless they are in a life threatening situation.Your boyfriend says he needs his space, so give it to him.Next time, (if there is a next time)..he may hit you back !Number Two..sexual intimacy after violence, does NOT bring healing..it creates confusion and more dysfunction.You both agreed to take it SLOW...what does that mean?Violence signals a RED LIGHT...that means STOPYellow light means SLOW DOWN...examine the situationGreen light means being sexually intimateYou have NOT slowed down at all, dear lady.You need to seek professional therapy for your issues with violence & why you feel driven to plow ahead into danger.Studies PROVE that violence always breeds MORE violence.Do you want to end up in the hospital...or worse?There have been alot of angry hurtful words & fighting between the two of you and finally it accelerated to violence...that is a RED LIGHT...it means STOP !I would strongly advise that you end this relationship and seek therapy for YOURSELF...from trained Professionals.From experience...women with low self esteem and low self worth, continue to attract unhealthy relationships.The police state they do not like your boyfriend because "he has attitude"...it implies he has a bad temper.You need to be healed, and become attracted to a different type of man who does not fight, argue or provoke anger.Release this man...work on YOURSELF & some day you will find a truly loving, tender & peaceful relationship.Bless your wounded heart.
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