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anonymous
writes: I've just finished my first year at university where I’ve made some absolutely brilliant new friends. Particularly, I’ve met a girl who, to put it plainly, I’ve fallen head-over-heels in love with. Recently we’ve spent a lot of time together and we really get on fantastically well. The problem is, she has a boyfriend who she’s been with for over two years. Therefore, while she is always really friendly towards me I do think that she thinks of me as nothing more than a friend. Of course, I would never wish anything bad on her relationship with her boyfriend but it hurts me so bad that I truly think that, if they were not together, we would be perfect for each other. It's almost as if there’s a nagging feeling that she feels the same way about me but won't do anything about it because of her relationship with her boyfriend. I really feel I need to tell her how I feel but the last thing I want is for things to be awkward between us in the future, particularly as we are moving into a house together at the start of next year (along with 4 other friends).I need advice on what to do, should I tell her how I feel and risk ruining our relationship as it exists now or should I sit on it (so to speak) and just suffer in silence? I'm really confused about what I should do.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (5 July 2005):
Dont tell her how you feel.Shes got a boyfriend, you cant have her. Maybe at some time in the future, this will change and things may develop between you but maybe they wont.For now, get on with your life and remain friends with this girl and nothing more
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reader, pops +, writes (20 June 2005):
Talk to her. Tell you how your feel. If she is getting on so well with you, and spending all this time with you, and not her boyfriend of two years, she may also like you as much as you like her. She needs an excuse to drop the other guy. Or, she may simply tell you she is still in love with her BF, and does not want any relationship with you beyond being friends. Then you can decide if you can handle such a continuing relationship on that basis or not. You are young. You will meet many interesting women in college and after. Don't hurt yourself by getting your expectations up too much. We have all been there. You will survive this.
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (20 June 2005):
Dear confused,It's obvious this lady has found a place in your heart but you need to examine the values in your life.If she was YOUR girlfriend, would you want her to be close friends with another man who had fallen in love with her?Would you want her to share a house with this other man?She has been with this other man for over 2 years & you stated, she thinks of you as nothing more than a friend.I would advise to continue being her friend...but back WAY OFF romantically and respect this other man's territory.Do NOT under any circumstances, share a house with her or you will be MORE tormented & it will distract you from your studies & plans for a lucrative career.Keep your eyes open regarding their relationship.If they break off...be there for her as a FRIEND, to lend a strong shoulder, a listening ear & a caring attitude.When time heals her heart, THEN you can share your deeper feelings with her & she will choose how to respond.If you jump the gun & spit out your feelings too early, you may risk 1) she runs from you 2) she rebounds TO youEnjoy your friendship with her, savour the time you share together, but guard your heart & keep it PLATONIC.If you win her over in the future..she will respect you much more, than if you interfered in her relationships.In the meantime, seek other interests to keep your mind & body busy (sports, nites out with the boys, movies, etc.)Practice INTEGRITY in all relationships & be rewarded !
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