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anonymous
writes: Hi....Ok here's my question. I've been dating this girl for 2 months now.... it's been all good and I love her very much. Just before we got started we had a mutual close friend. He'd known the girl longer than I had so I thought I'd get some inside info... like who she'd dating, what she likes; you know stuff to help me get to make my move. Then he bombshells me by telling me he's been considering asking her out as well. Needless to say it hits me pretty hard as I can sense he'd rather I backed up and honestly I'd have thought he and her make a good match.. better than me even. He later tells me he won't get in my way. What he didn't know which makes me question his claim to know her that well is that she had a boyfriend who she was considering breaking up with. She says I had nothing to do with it tho. She however says she sees him only as a buddy (big brother material) and would have been dissapointed if he asked her out; angry even. She never sees them going out... ever. So then he travelled it got easier for me to make my move and after some time she said yes. So now we're steady... but he's back and he's taking it rather well or rather I think he is... but he still sees her a lot and even gets to teach her swimming. From all circumstances chances of anything happening is 0.02%.But even that scares me bad. Cus... well they jell very nicely. And he knows enough about her to get what he wants if he wants to (so he says). He's not doing it though bcos of me. I feel extremely weird when they're together. My question is: Is this normal, like a phase? Is there a better way to deal with this feeling (jealousy?) than to numb it? Is it enough to break up the relationship? Can love die this way? Is it realistic to trust the girl a 100% in this case? Because I still love her and I don't want anything to get in the way..but I feel I'm the problem here cus the feelings seem unwarranted but I can't help them! P.S I'll be travelling soon so we won't be seeing each other that much for a while. ANy advice will be appreciated. Thanks! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (20 June 2005):
Dear worried heart,I believe your girlfriend GENUINELY cares for you and she is worthy of your trust, but you need to be honest with her about your worries concerning the other man.You don't need to go into alot of detail about your fears, but just let her know that you feel a bit insecure.She shared with you about her past breakup with her other boyfriend & she did not share that story with the man you feel threatened by, so that PROVES you have a deeper relationship with her...and she already stated that she only cares for him like a brother...so even if you fear HE cannot be trusted...you NEED to trust your sweetheart.Also, the fact that you will be travelling soon, has magnified your fears even more. You are afraid if you're out of town, this fellow might get closer to her.Trust is the FOUNDATION of a relationship with loved ones.Visualize yourself building a house, starting with the foundation...build it brick by brick until it's strong and solid & be Confident it can withstand the storms of life.Sometimes, jealousy can actually CAUSE what you are trying to prevent, so it's time to face your fears, before they get out of control & you say or do something you'll regret.And remember...she is with YOU...not him...Celebrate it !
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