A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19, I've gone a year without sex, and I feel pretty upset over it. It seems like such a terrible thing to say to your friends; "Well guys, I've not had any for a year, now". I've been in relationships, but they haven 't worked out, and so I'm starting to feel negative about all this. It doesn't seem like it's something I'm going to have again for a very long time. A year without it has been hard enough to cope with.Please can somebody give me a new outlook? I fear dwelling on this is only going to make things worse, and make my wait go on for even longer Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 I have to say that sex is not the be all and end all in life, but I know how it can be if you have a high sex drive and you're not having sex. However, not having it for a year is never something to be down about and you shouldn't feel any doubt about yourself because of it.
I have been with my husband for years and we have a very good sex life but before that I had gone without it for a year and previously 2 or 3 years before that. It really wouldn't bother me either way and it shouldn't bother you.
When you meet the right person it will just happen, until then perhaps just think about how wonderful life can be when you don't have to have another person over your shoulder to carry and how many things you're missing out on by not having sex with just anyone like STD's etc.
There can be a glorious empowerment that comes from not having sex and a wonderful release when you do.
Do not get to strung up on it because it really isn't at all healthy to do so - even though a little sex would be great!!
Be patient and confident that eventually the one person you want to be with will come along and it will be the best thing in the world and very much worth the wait!!
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): It gets easier the longer you go without, sad to say. I havent had sex since i left my husband 7 years ago and its a constant struggle to try to keep SOME kind of confidence. Especially when all your friends are hooking up so easily. All i can tell you is what i tell myself: everything happens for a reason. The next guy must be REALLY special if i have to wait this long for him! Keep your chin up. The right girl is out there. Probably looking for you too!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): The response above is correct. I've had a huge slump in my confidence mainly attributed to my clinical depression. This huge lack of confidence has turned my world around in terms of networking and getting play from women.
When I look at my situation objectively I realize I'm only in a phase of my life and as the above poster said, "your situation is only temporary." So dont give in to your peer pressure. I've thought about dropping a few bills on a fucking hot hooker but when I think about it, its not really worth it. Id rather fuck the shit out of a girl with a mutual attraction because it makes the sex so much better for me rather than having intercourse out of lust.
Just take it easy, dont worry.
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (7 February 2008):
I had to read your post over and over again.Is it a law in your country that every one above 16 should be having sex? Is it a crime if you stay a yr without "getting any"? I think your friends are corrupting your mind.Don't give in to peer pressure.You have da whole lot of your life ahead which will definitely include sex so why worry if someone is having it and you are not.Are you married that you should worry your husband doesn't sleep with you? Don't listen to your friends too much.You'll end up sex shopping if you continue thinking like that and listening to your friends. Live your own life and never be influenced by others' decisions.
Good Luck.
Take Care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSound advice by everyone. Thanks.
I will try and give a more positive attitude in future, for the sake of myself, and how I come across to others.
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A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (7 February 2008):
 Look for a relationship and not just sex, find someone u actually want to get to know better and you may possibly want to have a long term relationship with if things work out. And do not sit there and wallow in your own muck, the more and longer you sit here and think about the fact u havent had sex in a year the more it will hurt you. It will effect you attitude and self asteem. Trust me i seem to like to do similar stuff sometimes. And yeah wemon can pick up on self asteem.
And this may make you feel better i have NEVER had sex so thats like what 18 years of no sex????? It sucks i want to do it so bad because i crave it but im not going to just do it with anyone and regret it later tho. And im not going to force anyone either.
Good luck working this out for the better!
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (7 February 2008):
 Putting THAT much value on sex can be dangerous. Yes, sex is wonderful and should be enjoyed as much as possible when given the right circumstances - but sex itself should not be a stand in for the more important parts of a relationship like getting to know one another, sharing stories, crying, laughing, hugging, listening. These things really bring a couple together. Sex is just a physical act of coming together.
Find you a woman you can truly begin to love and respect. Find out more about yourself through your revealings to her. Find out what makes her 'tick' - and not just what you can do to 'tock' her.
Focus on finding love and I guarantee you that the sex will be so amazing that you will forget the time you weren't having sex because you'll be looking forward to your next encounter with this amazing woman who took your heart.
Sex is great. Love is greater. Take care dude.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (7 February 2008):
 If you keep on dwelling on it, it'll only go worse. You'll get even more upset over that fact that you haven't gotten any in over a year and then feel even worse about yourself. Believe it or not, women can see confidence in a guy. It shows and attracts the women who are interested. Just relax and stop stressing about it. Flirt and enjoy the flirting. Don't do it just to get in the pants or skirt of whoever you're targeting. Do it to get to really know her as a person.
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