A
male
age
36-40,
*rapmaster
writes:My ex left me for another man who is fat, creepy old, and has a 19yr old daughter. The next day after breaking up, shes in a relationship. 6 days after, they are engaged. She is 23, he is 36. She Is a model and gorgeous, and he is disgusting. I suspect that she is using drugs again because its all so crazy. Why else would you leave your fit, loving, and understanding bf? She wants to explain herself but I'm not sure I want to hear it anymore. Friends tell me its a waste of my time. Should I listen to what she has to say, or not care and move on with my life? Background info:My ex about 2 years ago developed a heroin problem and got caught. So she went to rehab and blew up my phone about how she was so sorry, and that she was going to change for me because I meant so much to her.After about a year it was apparent that she was clean and I gave her the second chance that she desperately wanted. Things were great. She was head over heals in love with me and told me several times that she wasn't not going to let me go no matter what happens.We went steady for 10 months without a hiccup; until she stood me up on usual date night (Sunday, her only night off). I was upset. But she apologized and told me she was going to make it up to me. I expected that she would just come over after work the next day or two. But before I knew it, it was Saturday and we still didn't have solid plans. So I went to her work to make sure that she was planing on coming over. She was busy and couldn't talk but I managed to set the date. That was the last time I saw her. She stood me up again. Apologized again, and said she would call me to explain herself. No call. Something was very wrong and I knew it. I was ready to move on. But not without some closure of breaking up and getting the full story. I let her know that I was not happy with the way things were going and that she needed to talk to me. She was supposed to call me that night after work. No Call. I was pissed. She texted me the next afternoon saying that she was in a car wreck and got a DUI (found out later that it was a lie and never happened). She still wouldn't talk to me so I went to her house to get some answers. She wasn't home but her parents were. I told them that she told me she got in the accident and that I hadn't seen her in 3 weeks. The next day she texted me annoyed that I told her parents everything and that we we done. She moved out of her parents and stopped talking to them too. The next day she posted a picture on Instagram of her with her new bf #soulmates. 6 days later they are engaged. I feel so disrespected.Do you think I should be rightfully annoyed at her? And should I care what she has to say to me now?Do you also think she is using drugs again?It hurts me to think that she isn't on drugs because it's the only logical exclamation that I have, and I will probably never know for sure.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 October 2014):
 Listen to me very closely, because to not listen to reason will be to really screw up in your life.
This woman is really toxic. Do not seek "closure". Do not listen to her or "hear her out". Do not look for her, call her, talk to her parents, and consider the fact that you only wasted 10 months of your life instead of your entire life as you escaping a huge snare.
You're fixated on some instagram picture, when you should be backing away and running for the hills. She lies to you about something major, goes unhinged at you for being caught in this lie, she's relapsed obviously, if she's actually with this guy, it means that she's been lying to you the whole relationship and the whole "Sunday only" rule was bullshit from the start, and she was cheating on this other guy with YOU, making you the chump, and all you can think of is how ugly or old HE is???
Get your head on straight. If she lives a lie, why would you want her to "explain"?? All it will be is a lie. If she is truly engaged, then you're not part of anything either and she's playing both of you, which is what addicts do when they want a cash or drug source. I wouldn't be surprised if she traded her looks for money or other things from you as well.
Run away. Do as Honeypie says...delete every trace of her from your life. Looks fade away, but stupid and toxic can destroy you. Do you realize how easy it would be for her to tap you for child support by getting pregnant and manipulating the legal system into saying it's yours?? You're so stricken and love-blind-dumb that you'd claim the baby just to keep her in your life! Not to mention you're a meal ticket now that she's not with her parents, and this other guy is one too.
Get out as fast as you can.
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (27 October 2014):
 I'll answer your question with another - is there any possible explanation that would excuse the way she has treated you?
Nope. Do not give her the time of day. She may be using drugs again or she may not, but for her to be engaged in just six days it's pretty clear she's been involved with this man for longer than that. Add "cheating" to the list of habits that make her a bad partner for you, and realize that you are so much better off without the drama she's brought into your life. And as much as I hate to add to your current list of worries, given your ex's risky behaviors you should seriously consider being tested for STIs.
I'm very sorry that you're going through this, but once you meet a woman who does appreciate you and does treat you with respect you'll be thankful you let this toxic one go.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 October 2014):
 As much as it goes against your moral grain, I would BLOCK, DELETE and REMOVE her from your life. Block her number, delete it, block,un-friend her from social media. SET yourself free.
Obviously SHE has a LOT of drama going on, add drug use and a LOT of lying. She CAN NOT be in a healthy relationship, which might be why she is dating the "creep". He could be a fellow user or provide the drugs she want/need.
For your own sake - LET HER GO. Don't worry about what EXCUSE she is using to date this guy or her constant lies.
My guess is you liked being her knight in shining armor, however, it isn't a healthy thing for you.
TAKE some time off and figure out what you REALLY want from a partner. WANT more then you got from her. HER being beautiful doesn't negate her behavior.
FIND yourself a uncomplicated and GOOD woman when you are WELL over this one.
YOU can not save her or fix her life. SHE has to make those choices herself. And she MIGHT have to hit rock bottom. And the best thing you can do, is let her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2014): You have every right to be annoyed at her, and not only annoyed, but finished with her as well.
So understanding for you to stand by her side during her recovery, but her being an addict is no excuse for her disrespectful behavior.
It's human nature to want to hear an explanation, but it's best you close the door to any contact with her. She is a liar and a cheat. If she contacts you, consider saying to her, "I am busy, have to go now." Nothing more, nothing less. If she blows up your phone, she is either having problems with her bf, and/or needs someone to talk to about her problems. Block her number and move one. Give your understanding and patient nature to a woman who will appreciate it very much. They are out there in the world.
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