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female
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anonymous
writes: I live with man whom I love dearly. He has 2 children who don't want to associate with me. We both left our ex's for each other.I have asked him what are his intentions for the future as I want us to be a couple and to start to set goals. However, all he says is that he loves me, and when I try to talk about this issue, he just tells me that he loves me and changes topic. I am tired of putting my life on hold for him, especially if I am living on false hopes. Do you think, I am being impatient and should I wait longer. Please guide me, as my heart is lost. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (13 September 2006):
 Give him an ultimatum - either he makes a decision by (such and such a date) - and if he does nothing by then, well, say he never had any intention of committing to you in full.
Tell him that you are not playing at wendy houses here, this is life, and it is too short to be messing around and playing waiting games.
It may serve as a wake-up call if you are threatening to leave on the set date, too!
A
male
reader, GenuineGuy  +, writes (13 September 2006):
Well he says he loves you so you're doing better than many.
Ultimately if your partner wont talk it will be very damaging, i know this from personal experience. It takes a lot to keep a relationship going and stopping communication is one of the worst things that can happen.
You've already left your ex's and live together so you've both already made just about the largest step there is to make. Do you believe he loves you ?
No doubt the situation with his kids is making this very hard for him. A bit of slack would be appropriate but you dont say how long the situation has been going on.
If you do love each other - keep trying.
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A
female
reader, giant scallop +, writes (13 September 2006):
I have been in a very similar situation to you although we left our partners for each other but no-one new this. I felt very impatient with my partner and at times despaired because I loved him so much and believed he loved me although sometimes everything seemed to indicate that he didn't. If you really love him and you trust that he really loves you then be patient, I was and we are still together. There are things to work through and this takes time. He is in a terrible position where his children are not happy with the situation so give him time to sort everyone out and get the kids lives back on track, he has to work hard to make their lives stable again. I imagine he is feeling terrible as he won't be now living with his children (a terrible thing to get over) and probably lives with a lot of guilt and hurt over the situation. Give things a bit of time and try and relax for a while frustrating as it is. Try and enjoy the fact that you are now together after a long time of wanting to be after all it is better to have the situation sorted out which takes time before future plans can be successfully made. If he will listen why not explain to him at a non threatening moment that you are finding things difficult, not asking anything from him apart from an acknowledgement that he understands how you feel even if he is unable to change things at the mo. Relationships can be so difficult and we don't always get what we want when we want it but if you truly love each other then support him in this difficult time and be patient.
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A
female
reader, giant scallop +, writes (13 September 2006):
I have been in a very similar situation to you although we left our partners for each other but no-one new this. I felt very impatient with my partner and at times despaired because I loved him so much and believed he loved me although sometimes everything seemed to indicate that he didn't. If you really love him and you trust that he really loves you then be patient, I was and we are still together. There are things to work through and this takes time. He is in a terrible position where his children are not happy with the situation so give him time to sort everyone out and get the kids lives back on track, he has to work hard to make their lives stable again. I imagine he is feeling terrible as he won't be now living with his children (a terrible thing to get over) and probably lives with a lot of guilt and hurt over the situation. Give things a bit of time and try and relax for a while frustrating as it is. Try and enjoy the fact that you are now together after a long time of wanting to be after all it is better to have the situation sorted out which takes time before future plans can be successfully made. If he will listen why not explain to him at a non threatening moment that you are finding things difficult, not asking anything from him apart from an acknowledgement that he understands how you feel even if he is unable to change things at the mo. Relationships can be so difficult and we don't always get what we want when we want it but if you truly love each other then support him in this difficult time and be patient.
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A
female
reader, SIMPLELIFE +, writes (13 September 2006):
no don't put your life on hold. turn yourself around,let him go and find someone who will respect you. his children
and family will find fault with you no matter what you do.
sounds like you jumped from the pan to the fire!
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A
female
reader, SIMPLELIFE +, writes (13 September 2006):
no don't put your life on hold. turn yourself around,let him go and find someone who will respect you. his children
and family will find fault with you no matter what you do.
sounds like you jumped from the pan to the fire!
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