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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: In the past few months, i met a guy and started talking to him. We clicked right away, we had similar personalities, we understood each other pretty well.I have this "shell" around me, i don't let people in that easily and i'm so afraid of rejection that i sometimes might seem cold or unapproachable. But this time i actually told him things I've never told anyone else, i was able to show my true personality and he accepted me for that. He was at a place in his life where he had no friends, no one to talk to but his family and i was in a similar place as well. We became friends. I was always with one foot behind me with him though because i didn't know if he really liked me or if he had any intentions of asking me out someday. I had some doubts myself about my feelings for him. But lately, i was starting to believe something could actually grow between us, he had been giving some signals and I thought to myself: "well, maybe this time it'll actually happen".It's important to add that i'm 19 years old and I've never had a boyfriend in my entire life, never even gone on a date. But recently, I found out that he's currently trying to get to know somebody else...I keep thinking to myself, maybe i misread things, maybe i imagined all the signs. Or maybe it was my fault for not being clear enough about how i felt.It's not the first time this has happened, and that's mainly the reason i'm writing this. Truth is, i'm so tired of all the false hopes and disappointments... It's even making me depressed. It's not so much the fact that he's trying to get to know somebody else, because we're nothing more than friends, as much as i don't want to admit it, it's just that all of this is making me think there's something wrong with me and that it's all my fault.When i think about it, i actually think i'm being childish, but it keeps happening and happening... I get close to someone, they flirt with me, give me hope and then just run away to somebody else.I think there's something in the way i act that pushes people away, i haven't figured out what it is exactly, and that's what makes me sad... It's making me give up on trying to find someone. I just feel like crawling back into my shell... I know i'm still young and have a lot of years ahead of me, and that's part of the reason why it worries me so much, because if i keep hiding myself from people, i'll never find someone.I just don't know what i can do to change this...
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female
reader, SOShelp  +, writes (29 May 2012):
 I used to have a shell as well. And I pushed people away without knowing it. Just act like you have no care in the world (I know! I was told to do this!) or find something that you love. If you get so absorbed into something, even if it's making bird feeder(?) then you'll forget about being shy.Don't take each rejection personally. Do you think that because you only see males for relationships that you sometimes act a little intimidating? If he is interested in someone else don't become all clingy to him, give him space to decide what he wants and if he cooses you, great! If he doesn't be happy for him and keep up the conversations. You never know, he may not see you as a date but he might see you as a really good friend. I have no boyfriend but lots of guy friends and it is so much easier to develop friendly relationships than loving ones, just don't put the pressure on yourself to find 'the one'.Confidence is something you grow into, like a jumper. Just wear what you have and it will get better. I promise!
A
female
reader, Meesh76 +, writes (27 May 2012):
 I think the first thing to understand is just because you click with someone or find some common ground it doesn't necessarily mean you should become romantically involved. It's really difficult when you have not had any experience of relationships, I was exactly the same when I was your age and I tended to look on all members of the opposite sex as potential partners and then if it didn't go that way I would turn it back on myself thinking there was something wrong with me. Just treat men the same way you would treat women. You haven't said whether you have a lot of female friends however I bet when you get to know a girl you don't put up any barriers so you just have to view men in the same way. You are putting way too much pressure on yourself and so what if this guy wants to get to know someone else. He is entitled to get to know as many people as he wants and so are you. Everyone however old they are is scared of rejection and of getting hurt and it will happen at some point because it happens to everyone. The secret is to make yourself into the best person you can be so when it happens you are strong enough to cope with it and don't be scared because in the long run it actually makes you into a better person. You are young and there are lots of good times ahead so just relax and enjoy the ride.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2012): People who usually "crawl back to their shells" are people with low self esteem and usually they play hard to get (with some mind games) to make themselves look bigger or more interesting.
Being affective and true to your feelings and intentions will help you overcome this situations.
Give it a shot and you will be surprised of the results.
You mentioned to be 19 but your post indicates older age.
Good luck!
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