A
female
age
36-40,
*ritgirl85
writes:Hi, me and my partner have been together 6 years with two children. The poblem is I just have no sexual feelings towards him atall. I dont want him near me,or to have sex ( maybe once every 2 months) and i hate kissing him. I feel terrible as he is such a lovely guy and helps me out so much with the kids and house and i do like him alot as a person, just ,it seems,not as a boyfriend. We were only messing around 6 months prevous to me getting pregnant, and just kina dived into a full on relationship as a result. He adores me which makes the whole thing even worse as he continually seeks affection i cant give him. Ive told him many times it would be best to stop the relationship but he wouldnt as he loves me.i cant move because of the kids and if he moved out it would be to his mums who lives across the road! In anycase i do like him alot so would have no problems staying with him platonically,but it just wouldnt be fair. And i just get confused as to how i really feel. Perhaps i do love him which deep down i care alot for him, so is it just a half normal thing to happen.this has been going on for years though! Hes a proper guy and doesnt like talking about serious stuff hed rather plod on..please help,what should i do?
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female
reader, tibob  +, writes (10 July 2012):
 i can relate to you. I too i have a friend for whom i feel no sexual attraction but is a great person who treats me so well. Sexual attraction just has to be. If it was not there, it will never come. These are unfortunately emotions we cannot program to turn on.
A
female
reader, IamJess +, writes (10 July 2012):
 I completely know how you feel, and would say have been in exactly the same situation. I understand you obviously don't want to hurt his feelings or let him down.
No matter how lovely he is and how he treats you and your children right, its not right to stay in a relationship with someone who you're not sexually attracted to and doesn't make you feel like you want to, you should be with someone who makes you feel great about your relationship together, and trust me you will find that person, but you've got to let go of the wrong one.
Its hard I know, but its for the best, and he's only across the street to see you and the kids when he misses you or whatever, I can't see how it'd be healthy to stay with someone who you don't want to be with rather then ending it.
Wish you all the best!
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A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (10 July 2012):
 You already know what you need to do you're just looking for someone to reassure you. You're completely right in everything you say, to stay with him isn't fair. He probably knows this deep down aswell he just hasn't been able to accept it yet.
If you still loved him at all I'd say work on it. After 2 children it's common to lose interest in sex and just 'dating' and spending time together can help bring those old feelings back. But if you don't love someone then you just don't love them. It can't be forced.
Your children will start to pick up on things if they haven't already. I know you get along well but you don't want them to think that just settling for someone is the way to go through all the relationships they have in life do you?
I know you say he wouldn't go but it's time to sit him down and really talk to him. Explain exactly how you feel and don't hold back. Yes he'll be hurt but sometimes the old cliche of being cruel to be kind is true. Good luck
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