A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have recently starting seeing this bloke and he is always very touchy feely and wanting more than just a kiss. My problem is that I have never felt very confident in my body and I don't mind touching with clothes on but I hate it when he touches my actual body. I don't want to lose him because of my insecurities. I have never slept with a bloke because of this. I have started to exercise at the gym but it really isn't helping me and I am a little nervous about seeing him hopefully one day naked. I know this sound silly and immature but how can I get over this.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (26 March 2009):
 Well if you dont feel comfortable with him touching you then clearly he is moving too fast with this or you are not ready for this, so tell him to slow down a bit!
Everyone has insecurities about their bodies, it is only natural so you shouldnt punish yourself for thinking this way. You need to realise that you should want a man to touch you, and if you end up feeling like you dont want that man to touch you then something is not right with your relationship (or him) rather than just being in your head.
The fact that he wants to touch you shows he fancies you, and he thinks you are gorgeous! You need to focus on this rather than thinking about your body. Trying to distract yourself is a good idea while he is touching you - this way you end up thinking about how gorgeous he is, or how good it feels kissing him etc rather than focusing on "oh my god he's touching my tummy he's going to think I'm so fat".
You mention that you have been going to the gym but it isnt working - in what way isnt it working? Can you not see the effects or are you just fed up with going? I am a size 14 and 5ft 3, so I am pretty curvy/big (whatever way you want to look at it!) and I used to hate a man touching my body, I felt so uncomfortable and just worried that they would touch a wobbly bit and be disgusted! But after going to the gym for 4 months nearly I have found that I've really toned up (not lost much weight though!) and I can see defintion in my body. I'm firm now rather than wobbly, and this has all come from going the gym at least 3 times a week. And really focusing on weights - doing lots of repeitions on low weights will really give nice lean muscles rather than building big muscle.
I suggest you keep trying with the gym - do some research online for the best exercises to tone and firm your body. Also try pilates - this is fantastic for giving your body a gorgeous shape and it helps your posture so even just standing you look better!
I hope this helps and good look!
A
female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (26 March 2009):
 It does not seem silly or immature, many people suffer from body image problems. So dont feel like you are along. Unfortunately, society highlights a certain type of body figures, especially for women. Something you should take stock in knowing, is that not all men think there lady has to be a size ZERO. They are aware that its not realistic. Also, alot of men like a person with thickness to them, because that can be just as sexy. So remember these things to ease the stress you are puttin on yourself. I am also sure the exercising is working, but probably not as fast as you would like it. If you are serious about wanting to lose some weight why dont you try looking into a trainer, or a weight consultant which will help you get results more rapidly. Just remember to do it healty and for YOU.As for your romantic situation, first be intimate when you are ready, and dont feel you have to rush it cause he is. He can wait and if he cant OH WELL, his loss. I think that it would be really good for you to develop more confidence within yourself. Whether that be through going to counseling or whatever other means your comfortable with. Unfortunately, body image issues dont go away easily. It is something that stays with you even if you loss alot of weight. I know many people who were once over weight, lost it and are still obsessing, even to a point where they dont want to have kids just because of the fear of gaining it back. So my advice is to go to a counselor and work through it, so you dont become a statistic. There is nothing wrong with going to counseling. Everyone has issues. Its the people who want to make them better that have less issues~dee
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A
male
reader, UncleEd  +, writes (26 March 2009):
Boys often try to test girls' boundaries to meet their sexual and emotional needs. Trust the way you feel and don't let him do things you are uncomfortable just now. When you know him better you may be more relaxed about what you do together. You are in charge of your body and you should try to set limits to what you allow. If he ignores what you want, you may want to find a guy who is more respectful.If you have some girlfriends you trust, try talking to them about how they set limits with new guys. They may share some of the feelings you are having. Many boys will try to push past your comfort zone. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable until you are ready to go further.
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