A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Just found out my husband has been cheating on me with escorts. I still love him and want to work things out. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2012): I am in the same boat as you are. I have been married for19yrs and been with my husband for 20yrs. I found out at the end of June that 3yrs ago he cheated on me. I was stillin a different state, we were in the process of moving. He went to the different state and I stayed behind with the kids. I found out that there were 8 different escorts that he was seeing back in 2009. He paid for sex with all of them. He was seeing one all the way up til May of this year. He was also going to massage parlors that are known for happy endings not massages. He was on Craigs list and Escort sites. He was talking to hundreds of women. He says he is sorry and wants to work on the marriage, so we have been going to counseling. I am trying to forgive him it is hard, but I love him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): You are not wrong. You still love your husband and want your marriage to work. The only thing you can do now is to have an in-depth talk with your husband and find out why he did what he did.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (20 February 2010):
 No not wrong at all.
Once the cat is out of the bag vis a vis escorts (are we really talking escorts here or the neighbourhood slapper or a happy ending at the local massage parlour?) it is very hard to get it back under control.
Prohibition is frankly unlikely to work. What I'd suggest is a "sin tax". Whatever he spends with working girls you get, from his funds, 150% of that amount to spend on something that you enjoy doing... this substantially increases the cost to him and will decrease the frequency of his visits to the point where the habit might fade and at the same time it facilitates you to do something you enjoy.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 February 2010):
 Your stand is admirable.
Work things out with him and let him know that you do not condone his actions. Be firm and strict.
Mirror back his actions to him like telling him that you will go out and find some other guy. They will then feel the seriousness of their actions.
Otherwise, they are just like kids, putting their hands in the cookie jar and stealing some and hoping nobody see's them doing it.
Let him know where are your limits and boundaries.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 February 2010):
You need to find out why he did it, then you need to find out whether he is sorry. Then you need to decide whether or not he will do it again. Don't just jump back in. He now needs to prove his worth. Take your time understanding why he's done it, and make a decision when you know all the facts. You don't want to decide to work it out only to find he isn't sorry and is still doing it. Also get yourself checked for STD's as a matter of urgency.
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (20 February 2010):
 Talk openly with your husband and resolve your sexual life issues. If you both love each other, you will surpass every trial.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): No your not wrong for feeling this way; He's your husband! However, guys do this... why?? i dont know. Maybe he seeks more in the bedroom which you may not provide. Try doing things a little different during sex. Be more spontaneous. See how things work out.
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A
female
reader, Gridrebel  +, writes (20 February 2010):
 Not wrong but why?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): Men will always seek variety , he was probably doing escorts so he did not get emotionally attached , and is not hounded by phone calls etc . Its not that bigger deal ..you are correct to forgive him , and love him .
Men are Hunters , they will always seek fresh sport .
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