A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I seriously need some help, before I go completely insane. I have been with my boyfriend for 15 months and to start with, everything was fantastic. However, I have started to become severely jealous. If he befriends a girl, I have to know everything about her. I go to extremities to ensure that he's not cheating, even though he's the most trustworthy, well-meaning person ever. He has his bad days too, obviously, but on the whole he is so lovely. But the worse my jelousy gets, the more I worry that our relationship will deteriorate even more. I take things waaay to seriously aswell, for instance if he doesn't end a text in a kiss I'll automatically think he doesn't love me anymore :( The jelousy is eating me up, and I've talked to him about it and he admitted things would get better if I would stop being so jelous. Please someone, help me?! xx
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female
reader, femalespicolli  +, writes (2 August 2009):
 I have the same feeling of jealousy with my boyfriend. I need his attention constantly even when he is having a "guys night", and I am skeptical of what is he doing when he is out without me. Its' hard for me to trust him. He has never done anything wrong, I just have issues. I started reading two books: "Co-Dependant No More" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I know it sounds corny, and we're not married, but we live together and there has to be trust or else it will not work. These books helped me SO MUCH, they put me in my place! They will also teach you to become more independent, which is truly sexy to a boyfriend. The more you start acting independent and trusting, the more time he actually wants to spend with you. Trust me on this!
If my boyfridn wants to go out with his friends, and I say "ok, have fun and be safe!", I let him text me, I don'tbother him, and he ends up coming home early wanting to be with me. Just try reading those, or at least the one about codependency. You need to be confident and independent hunny! Just remember those two things.
A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters +, writes (16 July 2009):
 I would say the thing to do is discuss it openly with your boyfriend (which it sounds like you have done to some extent) and make some relationship agreements.
You cannot ask him not to talk with or befriend other women, but the two of you could make some agreements as to what behavior would be acceptable and appropriate when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex. When asking to make agreements with him, do not let your jealousy cloud your judgement and be reasonable.
In my relationship we discussed what things would make us uncomfortable in terms of interactions with the opposite sex. We have made an agreement that it's not the healthiest thing for our relationship to have close friends of the opposite sex. That it would not be ok to discuss intimate things having to do with our relationship or other very personal things with them.
We have also made an agreement as far as physical interaction is concerned. Nothing more than a friendly hug is acceptable and we both try to honor these agreements so that we never have to feel threatened or jealous.
If your boyfriend can honor agreements you make with him and you still feel jealous, then you need to work more on why you feel the way you do and not on what your boyfriend is doing.
If you are an insecure individual you have to learn to build up your self-esteem. Being with the most loyal man in the world wouldn't fix your jealousy issues if you won't fix them yourself.
You have to try to feel better about who you are and think more about the reasons your boyfriend loves and wants to be with you. These are obviously compelling enough to him to be with you, why wouldn't they be compelling enough to you to instill more confidence in you?
Try some self-esteem exercises like writing 5 things daily that you love about yourself and why. Try thinking more positively about yourself and of the reasons your boyfriend loves you when you feel an attack of jealousy. Try closing your eyes and calming down before you say or act in a jealous manner and then think of those reasons.
If you can really try to practice these things, that are positive, they will replace your negative jealous feelings with self-empowering positive feelings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): Try to bear this in mind...he is less likely to cheat on you if you are so loving and kind to him than if you are mean and distrustful...bad behavior does drive people apart and you are making his life miserable. It is no fun being on the receiving end of suspicion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): Do you feel you have any reason to be jealous of other girls? Is he acting differently? If not then Im confused. However i am just like you in your exact same position but i have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years and he has cheated once before.i am extremely paranoid and jealous and we are just learning to deal with it.all i can say is just now as im still on my journey to recovery is that you need to be more positive about things.whenever you think about other girls think `oh my boyfriend would never go with her she looks like a hooker` even if you dont think that force yourself to think about it.then if you want dress up in the bedroom that night to make him appreciate you even more!
Just calm down a bit and stop yourself asking everything about his female friends.unless something actually suspicious starts going on then you have a right to go nuts and check everything! Your boyfriend will start to like the less jealous you and probably be more loving than ever.
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A
male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (16 July 2009):
 I think you found yourself a good man and your running the risk of driving him away.You have been together over a year now.Its time to put more slack in his leash.If you wanna be curious about what he is doing thats normal.But its time to not be obvious about it.Don`t be prying in any way he can tell your prying.And don`t do it every day either.Don`t take it so serious if he does not end every conversation with I love you or hugs and kisses.By now it should be obvious to you he cares a great deal about you even without such tokens of affection.I don`t know what to tell you to help you gain more control over your jealousy.You have been with this guy to long not to be able to trust him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): you need to chill out hunny. cause he will get tire of this and leave for someone that will trust him. if he hasnt given you any reason to stray then why make it that way? being too clingy pushes them away. trust me, i know very well and you have to learn to deal with it. give the man his space and just be loving, not psycho. really sweetie, if you dont change your ways he is just going to see you as crazy and leave.
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