A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Can someone help? I'm really anxious, upset, stressed out, and depressed. A couple months ago I met someone. I have herpes. He is a really special, kind wonderful guy. Unfortunately I let things get a little too far before I told him (mutual touching, kissing) and I told him the next day. He was really upset, as he had a right to be, and then he started to feel sick, (dizzy, fever, shivers tingling all over his body, he even blacked out, etc.) and I felt awful when I found that herpes can be spread by mutual touching/masturbation and even deep kissing which I had never thought previously. I should have told him even before kissing him. So he felt very very sick and went to the doctor. The result came back negative and we were relieved but then worried he took the test too soon (I think it was only a week or so) He also says he is a germaphobe but that doesn't explain what made him sick. Still when the test came back negative we managed to patch things up and keep talking. Two months later however, he feels sick again, he says his lymph nodes are swollen, he is having the tingling all over the body, he's convinced he has it, and he never felt this way in his life prior to his interactions with me. I asked him to get tested again, but he's convinced he has it again. Even if he doesn't, look at what I've put him through emotionally, What can I do? And if he doesn't have it I deserve to be locked up. I just wish that he doesn't have it, it would asking to much for him to ever forgive me. He says if I had been up front with him, he would still have dated me, but he feels he has been thrown into this situation against his will and helplessly and he's totally justified in saying that. What can I do??? How can I make it up to him??? He is a wonderful wonderful person and doesn't deserve this!!! I feel like a scum.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): He DOESN'T have herpes...he's a self-admitted germaphobe.
Tingling all over is a sign of over-activation of part of nervous system that controls blood pressure. it is a response to fear/stress/anxiety and CAN and DOES lead to fainting.
Funny how his symptoms didn't present until AFTER you told him AND the tests came back NEGATIVE FOR HERPES.
He is being a big baby. Stop letting his germophobia and anxiety upset you! Since he has refused retesting he has chosen to live in fear. in no way should you accept the blame for his anxiety/shortcomings.
A
male
reader, defeated  +, writes (20 October 2010):
first off it is a crimal offence, agervated sexual assalt
secondly, how could u being the one with hsv not know the was it can be transmitted, did u know it can be spread without having a outbreak, it is possible to get it on the hands too
and lastly, untill he shows signs of a outbreak it is useless to get tested . having hsv is not a curse its a responsibility
do onto others as u would have others do onto u
what if he had hiv and didnt tell u till the next day how would u feel
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 October 2010):
 FWIW, there are dating sites out there for people with herpes. 1 in 4 people have it now so it is a growing population. I have a friend who was crushed when his GF gave him herpes. She never told him she had it because she "didn't think it was a big deal." He dumped her on the spot and has decided he doesn't want to contribute to it's spread. He found his current GF on a herpes dating site and they are great together. Sure, it's a bit of an odd ice breaker, but at least you can be a little less concerned about touching or kissing.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Lesson learned - tell guys before you even kiss. Your best bet will be to try and find a guy who also has herpes; 99% of guys who don't will react just as poorly as this guy, although probably in different specific ways.
People have the right to know if you are putting them at risk for a disease, particularly a permanent one. It'll be hard on you, but that's the price you have to pay. Good luck in the future.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 October 2010):
GO easy on yourself. He is overreacting. He should get tested again. Be supportive of him. But really, if he can't get over this, then he shouldn't be with you. Herpes will never go away. I don't see him getting past this. It might be best if you walk away.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 At the time you didn't know that herpes could be spread by mutual touching/masturbation/kissing so you didn't think you were putting him at risk. It was a mistake... mistakes happen, so try not to be so hard on yourself.
If he can't forgive one mistake you made then maybe that's a good indicator that he's not right for you.
Fingers crossed aye.
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