A
female
age
41-50,
*w1097
writes:Hi, I have a dilema and need some advice. I have a strong suspicion that my hubby of 7 years cheated on me, I just don't know what type of cheating. 2 years ago I found a receipt for cell phone minutes. The problem is that he never had a cell phone before. He denied that he had a phone until I showed him the receipt that i found. He lied and lied and lied. He ended up saying that he found the phone on the street, paid to turn it on, used the mins., bought more mins....BUT WAS ONLY TALKING TO HIS BUDDY. For the record, his buddy works with him. He said he got the phone turned on so he can sell the phone. I know, this makes no sense. Last year he was working a ton of overtime. His paychecks didn't account for all of the overtime. I found out that he took a half-day but still come home as if he worked overtime.He lied and lied and lied about taking off early (he kept denying that he took a half day at work) until I showed him his "request for time off" slip that he submitted for the half day. He initially told me that he didn't remember where he was when he took off. He then said that he went to his friend's house. (bull shit) Since then, I lost a lot of trust. He continues to deny that he was cheating. It comes up periodically. I keep telling him to tell the truth, then we can move on. He refused counseling in the past. When I told him that I can't get past those two instances and not sure if I want to stay in the marriage, he quickly agreed to counseling. I also recently found out that a family member told another family member that he's been unfaithful (the second family member told me and I don't know the details of what type of "unfaithful" they meant).Question: If he never admits to this, how do I get over it....even with counseling??? Who would stay and try to get over it, who would leave?
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at work, cheated on me, move on, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ew1097 +, writes (26 December 2007):
ew1097 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the responses. We have therapy set up to begin next week. When I was going over the general info (as I explained in my original post) to the therapist, she asked what I wanted to get out of therapy. She continued to tell me that if the hubby continues to deny,deny,deny that anything went on- with me asserting that something did go on, it would be fruitless for the conversation to go..."yes you did cheat"..."no I didn't cheat"..."yes you did!"..."no I didn't!" Therapist said that we can work on the issues going on in our relationship which I agree with. There's a reason why he slipped up and even if he didn't cheat (giving the ultimate benefit of the doubt), there's a reason why he has to lie so much to deceive me. We'll find out. Thanks again for the posts and keep them coming!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): Yes, he cheated on you and all of his buddies are telling him to deny, deny, deny. I am sorry that he did this to you. No one deserves this type of treatment, especially if you are faithful to HIM. You know the truth without him saying it. If you love him and want the marriage to be saved... tell him you forgive him for cheating, but a second time will NOT be forgiven. I stayed with a cheating spouse for 15 years. I gave my EVERYTHING the last two years of our marriage and he ended up walking out on me anyway. Good luck with your situation. Don't tolerate any more cheating.
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A
male
reader, leonard j, Douglas  +, writes (25 December 2007):
If you knew for sure that your Hubby cheated on you,would you still be able to overlook it? and forgive him. That's something you need to think about. He has given you grounds to walk, but only you can make-up your mind to do that. You need to pin him down,when it comes to his possible adultery. And Yes! It must be brought out in the open, and dealt with, or your ongoing relationship will always be a sick one.
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A
male
reader, Uraz  +, writes (25 December 2007):
 He looks like a typical cheater and like most cheater believes in the myth that even if you are caught on it keep denying it.you have gotto show this man that you mean business. Other wise he will go about the things business as usual and cheat on.Lets put the things straight, even if he admits he cheated, since he, seemingly, is a weak character in this respect, he cannot keep any promise that he will be faithful.the only solution thats comes to mind is, that you have got to frieghten him and make him realize that he may lose you. Because as I understand he is a kind of person that understand the language of threats. So you have to shock and awe him by actually telling that if he cannot make you believe and convinced that he will change you will go to court to get a divorce.If he fails to convince you, go to court and see what happens.
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