A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:If a guy could help me, I would be very thankful!Basically, I have been seeing a guy for 6 months (friends with benefits thing (fwb)) and I had a boyfriend (bad, I know but I am no longer with him) and am still seeing the fwb. Now, I have fallen in love with the fwb guy but am so scared to tell him. Before, he used to treat me like a princess and made me feel like I am the only girl in the world but he suddenly went really cold and distant on me about 2 months back.He said that he needed space because he had personal issues going on at home and yes, I did the stupidest thing of wanting to talk to him; trying to find out why he was being an arse. He said the dreaded "I think that we should just stay friends" statement and after this, I went away for a few weeks and in this period, he was constantly texting me to see if I was ok. I ignored these but when I came back, he was emailing me saying how glad he was to see me etc etc.I found out that when I was away, he had sex with this other gal. He did say that because I didn`t answer his texts, he thought I didn`t want anything to do with him. This really, really upset me.We have made up since and I told him that I never wanted anything more from him other than a sex buddy thing (even though that is a lie)and he actually seemed hurt. I mean, isn`t this what all men want??? He really confuses me because we were getting really close before (even though he knew I had a boyf at the time) and then this had to happen. Please can you advise me on what to do? I think about this man constantly!!!Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): You were probably really attractive when you had a boyfriend who you were willing to cheat on with him. he can have sex with you and then send you back to your boyfriend who he then gets to think about as being lesser than him because he got you to cheat.
That makes the guy a "stud" since he can get you to fuck him while your boyfriend's back is turned. He's "#1" and boyfriend is "Loser".
See, when this happens, he's putting one over on the other guy, like jamming a basketball down the hoop in front of another guys face, or scoring a game winning goal on the other team.
But, suddenly, when the loser mate is now on your team, your team mate, meaning you, the cheater, want to be serious, that changes everything.
See, he doesn't trust you to not cheat on him, like you did on the other guy. He knows you cheat, why would he want to trust you? He doesn't want the some guy to score one on him with you.
Move on, keep this in mind in your next relationship. You, as is your boyfriend, is supposed to keep playing on the same team, not cheating and working for the other team.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): If it's really bothering you that much then tell him how you feel. Don't get your hopes up though because i'm guessing that if he wanted more he would have taken you out on a proper date not just have sex with you.
Either way it's really not a good idea to sleep with him again because you'll just feel worse. Rarely do these FWB things turn into relationships and 9/10 somebody gets hurt.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 December 2010):
Men do want sex, but not all the time. We do want a girlfriend for other things that just sex too.
The issue is that what you have with this guy is built only on sex. Therefore, the chances are that he will only ever see you for sex. In fact, given that he was willing to end things with you, have sex with another women and then come back to you shows in many ways that you are only there for the sex and nothing else. He doesn't seem to want more.
You could try telling him the truth and see what happens. But don't hold your breath. A relationship built upon sex just isn't something that will stand up over time.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 If you think that all men just want sex buddies you've got some learnin' to do girl!
Lay it out for him. Tell him how you feel. Be honest. If he doesn't want the same thing then maybe it's best to cut this out. I think it may be best to cut this out anyway, but what do I know?
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (1 December 2010):
In my experience it's near impossible for a guy to see you as good girlfriend material once you've gone FWB with him. The only thing you can do is tell him how you feel and hope it will work out. If it doesn't work out, you'll know for next time that once you cross that line, whether it's you or him that suggests it, it is a line you can't cross back over again.
I think if he did see you as anything more than FWB he wouldn't be happy with the situation right now. He'd want you for all himself and want to be in a relationship. Maybe you are slightly deluding yourself about how good this guy is for you?
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