A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have just discovered a will my mother has made 2 years ago. she has left my sister everything, lot of land, large house, money and everything that she owns. she has left me her share in a piece of land that there is a legal battle to ownership by outside the family. I feel very hurt as she treated me unfairly as a child and now she is doing it again. I do visit her few times a week and do shopping for her, bring her to appointments etc. I do not want to look greedy but i think it should have been shared equally. she now has been diagnosed with Alzheimers but I dont want to fall out with my sister. I feel it is time to cut all ties with my mum, I suppose I havent really forgive her for years of verbal and physical abuse she gave me as a child. any advice please.
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male
reader, PoorHobo  +, writes (29 December 2017):
I can never forgive my mom or my sister for what they have done. My dad was a good man I loved him with all my heart and he had no idea how my mom and sister would let their greed take over, he would always share everything between me and my sister equal. She was always needing money from him because of her stupid moves and he would give me the same as he gave her. When he passed my mom and sister both told me my dad wasn't a smart man and how I was the black sheep of the family from back when I was 16 just hateful things. My dad had a lot of money and would always tell me when he passed my sister and I would get like 200,000 each to live on. I received nothing and yes I am living with all this hate, I would love to see karma get my sister that would make my day and I will pray it happens. Its so easy to say forgive but I cant.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2017): Can never forget the meaness and hate
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male
reader, PoorHobo +, writes (27 December 2017):
My dad passed he had a lot of money and left everything to my mom she had Alzheimers really bad but was in and out with it. I loved my dad and was very close to him he had no idea what was coming at me, but after he was buried my mom started saying all kinds of mean hateful things to me about my dad and myself and the only thing I could figure was my sister was putting these ideas in her head. She passed away this pass year, she was in a place where it was full care, so no one had to take care of her. I called her lawyer and he told me she had left a new will and everything was left to my sister and I wasn't even named. I hate my mom and my sister with all I have in me and I know I will never forgive either of them, I am waiting for karma to take over and yes it will make me happy.
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female
reader, annabellmarie +, writes (5 September 2010):
I dumped my mom after years of counseling. I heard on Joel Osteen that you can love them from a distance. My mother didn't care either. there is something wrong with them, not you.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (1 March 2010):
 Ah.. Thanks for the follow up, nearly missed you there..
So sorry it didn't work out for your mum, but you asked and now your making your own path in life... so sorry my dear.
She may be telling the truth, she may be trying to buy your sisters help for when she gets sickly. But then you should have been considered for this role. I hope time will heal all, but maybe as you say, a break from all this continuous heartache will make you be able to smile again.
So sorry it went this way, sorry she managed to hurt you once again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): Had talk with Mum on Saturday, she told me that if she left all to my sister that she promised to look after her! and alot of other excuses. I dont care anymore, thats all now and I will move on without them. It feels great not to have anger against her anymore the break is just what the doctor ordered!
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female
reader, Share Bear +, writes (24 February 2010):
 Flippin' 'eck- Miamine- your answer really moved me- what a heart warming story!
OP- I experienced being favoured on the other side of the parent pool when I was much younger. Once I was old enough to have this explained and to understand this, when my parents split- I very happily equally split any money I received with my sister. We rose above his childish games and rejoiced together with my mother- 'we shall not be divided!' -The whole experience really brought us closer together!
I have to agree with the other posters though- in the circumstances you may feel better in yourself if you continue to stand by her when possible. I'm not suggesting that she deserves it- only that you do not deserve the guilt of walking away at a late and difficult hour in the day.
Best wishes!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): Just be noble. Karma will take care of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI suppose the anger will die eventually and I hope I dont resent my sister. I think I will say what I feel to my mother after a week or so, my sister knows how I feel she says that she did not know about this but she does deal with all her correspondence and bills as they live next door to each other and I have to give her the benift of the doubt! I should be used to her by now but this was not my fathers wishes as I heard him tell my mother this on my mobile when he was lying on his death bed. I think that he lead me to discover this document. Thanks for your reply
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (24 February 2010):
No, you don't take things to heart, and your not sensitive. You've been hurt, over and over again, and now your angry and you feel fed up. We understand that, we've got mothers, some good, some bad, some worse than yours, some better. We're just aware that some decisions like walking away can't be changed, and if your mother dies you may find it hard. Is there any way of working around her bad ways. Standing up for yourself may be a good and may give you more satisfaction than walking away in anger.
We understand truly we do, I suppose we're asking you to do exactly what your doing. Don't walk out in anger, but take your time, think things through. If you really can't bear to stay, and you know your anger and bitterness will disappear once your away from her, then that might be the best way. Again, is there no way you can talk some of this over with your sister or another family member?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks folks for all responses, it is really helpful to read them and to be actually able to talk for once about it. a few years back I bottled up things from my childhood and ended up on antidepressants for a year. Maybe I take things too much to heart or maybe I should just stand up for myself for a change.
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (24 February 2010):
 I feel for you. Im really so sorry for what is happening now. I also dont understand why some mother is like that. Why they dont treat Children equal. I understand what you feel. Im not the perfect person who can give you advice here but i think what you think and what you feel that can make you feel better is good enough for you to do. If you feel like not to see her, if that makes you feel better, i think you can do that. its ok to confort your own emotional feelings. its ok to protect your self emotionally. its ok to help our self. but dont abandon her. I have the same experience like you but more worst than what you have. I never abandon my mother, i do love her actually, god knows that. I just cant stand anymore to see her. If you think this thing can also apply to you then be it. I wish you good luck and good peace of mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): I do understand the pain mothers can cause, really I do but I think you should see it through.
You need to be happy with decisions you make, because after she has gone you will not be able to go back and change them.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (23 February 2010):
I have a cousin, who was always treated unfairly. Her sister got everything, money, time, attention, education.. she got nothing except insults and bad will. She's the younger sister, but she didn't even see her parents for the first 11 years of her life, she got left behind when they moved country.
One day her mother had a stroke. The other sister had moved herself and her family to America to live a rich successful life. My aunt couldn't talk, couldn't pee, couldn't even swallow, and her daughter looked after her and did everything she could. Once a year, the other daughter flew in from America, but at last, my aunt could see the truth. She saw who looked after her, who stood beside her. When the American sister touched her, she got scared, but when the other cousin came in the room, she smiled and was calm again.
When she died, my mum was there. She looked arround the room, and saw her husband, the rest of her family, but she was looking for someone special. She was looking for the daughter who put up with her cruelty and still showed her love. My mum said, she kept looking at this daughter, with so much love and happiness in her heart, she looked at her as if she was a baby who had just been born. She kept looking and looking at her daughter as she passed away and went out of the world.
My cousin said, yes things were hard, yes mum treated me bad. But in the end, I knew I was loved and I was able to forgive and show love.
Your anger will destroy you and follow you all your life if you do not learn how to get over it and forgive your mother for being who she is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): Don't abandon your mom, no matter how horrible she was. Really bad Karma. YOu have to have loyalty to your mom no matter what.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits not that i am looking for what i am entitled to, I have all I need, loving husband and 3 lovely children. I dont think i would ever drag my sister through the courts. I known all about the disease, my father in law had it. I have never hugged or kissed her anyway so that I will not miss. I feel bad but I feel very angry also.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (23 February 2010):
Your mother has Alzheimers, it's gonna be awfully hard for her if you walk away and leave her on her own.
Sorry she treated you bad, but such is life, these things happen to everyone. Sorry about the will, probably talk to your sister and explain how you feel about that.
Your mother has Alzheimers, soon she will die, and be out of the world. Before she gets there she'll be dangerously confused. We only have one mother, they could be good, they could be bad. But they fed us, they clothed us, they took us to the hospital, they carried us for 9 months in their swollen bellies. You can walk away, but when she's dead and gone, there won't be a chance to ever hug, kiss or talk to her again.
Money doesn't matter as much as the regrets we will carry when our parents are dead.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 February 2010):
I also feel it is time to leave your mother to her own devices. My mother was treated appallingly by her mother and cut all contact. Let's just hope your sister is kind to you. If not, drag it through court and get what you're entitled to. I'm not sure she can cut you out of her will without a significant reason. And she doesn't' have a reason. But don't do another thing for her. Remember that those who have favourite children must call upon that favourite in their time of need and no one else.
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