A
female
age
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*epper27
writes:Right I haven't done this for a while, it's actually weird being on the other end so to speak... I'm going through a hard time at the moment, My ex husband (please no one say just get over it its not that simple I wish it was) yes my ex husband well he was a very violent and cruel person he would hold knives to my throat as I slept and of course Id wake up, he would get me to do the most degrading things sexually, he bullied me on a daily basis and at that time the police did not press charges I had to I did they let him out and I got it again so I never told the police anything after that, There was also no women's refuge here then so I had no were to go...I wanted for him to leave but he wouldn't go he said that we would be together for the rest of our lives. (OOOOH SCAREY TWAT!!!)This is the first time I have written about this some of my friends on here know but I don't think I've told anyone everything before.I have post traumatic stress from that relationship, He would come from work say he needed to talk Id drive up the road and he would say I want to cut a woman from her fanny to her throat, This is the kind of stuff I had every day....Well he is in prison in the u.k he is out next year...I've had loads of counselling but the person that you get comfortably with leaves and you have to start all over again with someone new, Its horrible starting that part of my life over and over again....In the end I did get rid of him he tried to kill me with a samurai sword and a huge knife, He had seen a woman out he liked so he said he would kill me for her even though she had been with her partner for 10yrs fucking donut! IT WAS SOME STRENGTH I HAD THAT NIGHT. Usually the phone was in the bedroom but for some reason that night it was outside the door, I had to keep the door closed using one hand and phone the police with the other...What a nightmare.I've had my name changed by deed poll and my daughters to protect us I get my police alarm back when he gets out..He is on airport watch and harbour watch.This relationship has altered my life quite a lot, As he still contacts if he can via my sister she wont get her num changed so she knows what he is up to..The last time he called he had found out my parent num don't no how small island I suppose...He threatened me again and said he had hired a hit man and all that kind of crap... I've told my daughter certain things slowly as she grows to prepare her... I know, no one can help but I have been so down this week and its all to do with him and what he is capable of, His probation officer is going to phone me when he is released..Its my daughter I fear for as he has said he will take her...I really do know no one can make it go away and I'm usually a bubbly happy hippy chick :) I thought if I write it down maybe just maybe someone can say one word and it will help what I'm feeling at this moment. THANKS IN ADVANCE IF YOU READ THIS AND THANK YOU FOR READING IT MUCH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXX
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bullied, in jail, my ex, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (17 November 2008):
pepper27 is verified as being by the original poster of the question ME HAMMERED PFFFFFFFFF! OH SHIT CAPS AGAIN (:0)
You look different cant make out what it is? COULD IT BE THE SEXY PHOTO!!!!!!!!!Your picking me up eh? no 1 son did tell me but my hearing was a tad weird (:0)
Big squidgy hugs from all three of you that's worth a plane ride :) Yea I thought the red chilli powder to be rather good THANKU SWEETHEART FROM THE HEART OF ME BOTTOM ((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))n love, your a star ta everyone I'm feeling soooooooooooooo much better XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (17 November 2008):
 Hey Baby!
I've only just read all of this just now, and like a couple of the others have said, I already know what you went through, if you remember - you told me the other night on the phone. (totally hammered, you were):^) Your son also told me some stuff too.
What can I say that hasn't already been said? The advice offered has been great and their support - fantastic.
Rest assured you have mine too. Blimey darlin', I thought my children and I had been through some shit in the past, but your's is like what the Old Fool suggested ...
,,,'as terrifying as any Hollywood movie'!
A tough cookie you are indeed, I applaud you, and you deserve a medal for what you've suffered - and are still suffering. Physically and mentally this guy has left his mark on you... yet you have had - and still have the strength to maintain this beautifully, funny, helpful, loving, capital letter writing addict, caring, nutter that you are.
May I just add that you have done the absolute right thing in gradually informing your daughter of what happened.
Mandy my sweet, you'll be fine, you have a wonderful son who loves you so much and will help protect you and your little girl, and you are also there for them.
I can't wait to see you on the 29th, and D LeStat, Wiggles and myself are gonna give you huge squidgy hugs on behalf of all the aunts and uncles here on Dear Cupid.
Always here for you babes.
Love BigSis
(((((xXx)))))
ps..Love the idea of the red chilli powder Bugs!! X
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (16 November 2008):
pepper27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyour always there so don't feel bad ok matey, I stew for awhile then all cylinders fire up and whoooffffff! This time I wrote it down instead of pacing the floor with the hamster going round the wheel in my brain hunny..Tiz all good and everyone has helped soooooo much, Best thing I could have done talk to my friends, You have nothing to feel bad about ya old fart, I wuv ya and its all going to be just fine THANKYOU SWEETHEART LOVE YOU LOTS LOVE ME XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): Yeah Bugs, it has amazed me for the year that I have known Mandy that she could have gone through all she has gone through and still can be so bubbly most of the time and so optimistic. She is one of the kindest people I have ever known and been such a great help to both me and my wife many times. She is really a gem of a person.
I’m with you cowgirl. I’m a little teary eyed right now, even though I have known all of this story for some time now.
Mandy, I haven’t realized that this has been bothering you so much lately. I haven’t been around to talk to you much for a month or 2 now and I am sorry. It seems like our time zones are not helpful and I have been out of town so much the past 2 months and doing other things. You were such a great help to me when I needed you and I’m afraid that I haven’t been much help to you lately. I truly apologize if that is the case. Both my wife and I are available to talk if you need us. I hate to speak for others, but I’m sure that cowgirl feels the same as I do.
Like the others who have answered, I can’t possibly really understand how you must feel. It is always difficult to understand how someone really feels about something unless you have experienced something the same or similar. We can try to understand your feelings, but can never completely feel those same feelings and fears.
You have gotten some very good advice on protecting yourself and I know that you know some of this already. I know that there would be many advantages in getting your own place and how much you need to do that, but there is some safety in numbers. I guess that no solution is perfect.
I hope that those close to you can understand what you are feeling and can help to make you feel better. Perhaps next week will be a little better and that this depression will improve. From my own experience, I know that a period of being depressed, for whatever reason, can make things that would normally not bother you much or at all seem much worse than normal during those times of depression. Young women (like you) and old men (like me) both have their hormone swings that lead to ups and downs in their state of mind. Throw in a couple of instant release niacin for cholesterol control before bed to give a guy flushing and night sweats, have a down time and all of a sudden we can began to understand what you women go through for many years. Probably not as bad, but it does give us a hint.
Unfortunately, I’m not able to do much more than talk to you if it would help. Keep the people close to you available in case you need them and keep in contact with your friends on DC for moral support. There are some great people on this board. A lot of them have gone through their own problems in life and are more than willing to try their best to help others with their problems. As I said, we can’t completely understand each other’s feelings, but we can do our best to help each other.
TTM
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (16 November 2008):
pepper27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey ms diovan, STOP CRYING U MUPPET! I wrote it down n got it out the way, I'm ok promise (:0) Remember tomorrow is another day love..You would be surprised how just hearing kind words help... No ya wouldn't you no they help hunny cause your always giving them to little moi :)
vamp-gal thanks for your words of encouragement, Everyone has helped so much its all beyond words so my mouth is closed for once LOL!!!!!!! LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, vamp-gal +, writes (16 November 2008):
 Hey,Okay, I'm going to say this. What you have been through is unimaginable for a lot of us, and how you survived and became stronger through it all, is amazing, most people wouldn't be able to come out and be a stronger person as you have, and I'm sure anybody would be happy to know you. Your ex however, is a different story altogether (obviously). All I can say is that you keep with your friends and family, and keep protecting your daughter as you always have. Don't let him get to you, I know this is very difficult after everything, but you are stronger than he will ever be, always be aware of your surroundings, always make sure you are with someone or around people when you are out, it will make you feel safer and help you live your life again. Always take a mobile/cell phone wherever you go so you are always able to contact somebody.I really hope everything turns out okay for you, you deserve it more than anything.Hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): Hi Mrs Pepperpot,
You know exactly what I think about that sad excuse for a man. I can't say very much at the moment, because I'm crying again. I wish I knew you long ago, because that man wouldn't get out of jail, he wouldn't be able to get out of anywhere, because he wouldn't be anywhere that anyone could see. Sorry babes, I'm no help, cause I'm hurting real bad for you right now.....
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female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (16 November 2008):
pepper27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh hunny you made me cry, Indian Red chilli powder EH! Thanks for that, I've got an alarm that I can take out it sounds like a million buggies LOL!!!!And Ive got other stuff worry not. I have told my daughter little bits from the age of 5yrs just tiny bits of information at a time as my victim support helper said she could go a few ways with this. She could rebel, She could want to try and find him stuff like that..So I've kept it truthful I haven't yet told her about the knife attack as she is only 11 and I'm her mummy and she would be so hurt..I'll wait until she is a little older to explain that...I am trying to get another house as I live with my parents I'm just waiting for the go ahead now as I feel it important to get out of here, My mum is making it difficult as she doesn't want me to leave, So I'm having to tread carefully there, Yes you would think she would understand but they were not here that night, They had taken the children away for the weekend thank heavens, I've not gone into every detail my dad would be very upset I don't want to see that. She will come round Thank you for your help hun, It took allot for me to write that down but its helped allot LOVE YOU LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (16 November 2008):
pepper27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSee its words like that that make me feel stronger, Thank you so much..He has remarried again. He threatened her with knives, He got her to phone me so she could tell me what was happening, I had to go down to the police station as he had held them hostage children to. And the police needed him out the house as soon as possible so I was asked to help if he phoned again...
He was put away for 6 months over here for that..I tried to help her and warn her after that. The system had just changed the police could then arrest and charge with out the partner getting involved.. But unfortunately she did not listen and left her 4 children behind for him and they both disappeared after he got out as obviously the children's board were involved..I feel better thank you oldfool Its taken awhile to feel comfortable just talking but its helped very much, I'll be fine cause I'm a strong cookie hun...THANK YOU WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): My dearest Pepper,
I have known you for almost a month.I can honestly say you are one of the most amazing people I have ever known in my entire life.
Your strength,your honesty,your enthusiasm and zeal for life can bring even a dead person alive from ashes.
I know of the horror the psycho put you through.I was horrified for what you suffered and thought how this lovely person underwent all of this and still is able to make someone smile at the end of the day?
you know why?you have got a heart of pure 24 carat gold.Gold is pure but still is strong.Gold can only be made into something useful when its melted in the fire.It has to undergo the agony of the unbearable heat in order to become beautiful.
you have gone through hell Mandy and its made you even more beautiful.You survived the fire.When you feel frightened,alone and worried remember this at all times.you are alive today to tell this tale because of the amazing tough person that you are.
Psychos are cowards.They feed on the fear of a person.They get off by seeing the fear in their victim's eyes.Never show your fear even if in case you run into him.
As Moongoddess rightly said be on your guard at all times.Come clean with your daughter and let her know the severity of the situation.you have got three lovely men in your life.Enlist their help and your friends' help.you need all the support you can get.
Pepper spray is a very good idea.Have alarm systems fitted.Keep Indian Red chilli powder at home.Throw it in a person's eyes and they wouldn't be able to see anything for hours.Keep some weapon for defense with you all the time.
Across the seas and miles know that you and your family are always in my prayers.I believe the lord protected you on that day because you are his special angel.Courage Pepper,Courage is the key.Never let that excuse of a human being defeat you.
Lots and lots of love and hugs,
Bugs.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (16 November 2008):
 Mandy, thank you for sharing that with us. You've come on and given very sympathetic advice to posters. I knew that you'd had problems with your marriage, but never suspected it was as bad as this. Your story is as terrifying as any Hollywood movie I've ever seen. It's hard to realise what terror life can hold if you choose the wrong person to be with.
Some of the questions on here, while serious enough for the poster, pale in comparison with the situation you're in. I've never been in danger of losing my life, and I can only say I'm horrified at reading your story, and amazed how strong you've been in the face of it all.
I can't offer you any special help. The Channel Islands are an awful long way away (and the funny thing is, they always had romantic associations for me). I just hope that everything turns out for you and your daughter. All the best, and STAY STRONG!
Old Fool
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female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (16 November 2008):
pepper27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for taking the time to answer both of you, I don't live in the u.k I am in touch with victim support over here I live in one of the channel islands...
It is just good and comforting to here nice words when something like this raises its ugly head...I am a survivor and I no I'm strong..I have been so used to protecting my daughter that now she is growing she needs to be set free..This may have started this bout off, But I'm sure I'll sort it out in my head and as a family as always we will stick together..Thank you so much those few words helped allot WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXX
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 November 2008):
http://www.crimereduction.homeoffice.gov.uk/domesticviolence/domesticviolence40.htm
I think these people may be able to make you feel better and tell you about what services are in your local area.
Good Luck!! xx
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