A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this beautiful girl i thought i loved, adored and cherish, would do absolutely anything for her... worst decision of my life. even during our 1st years we had fights and arguments. But always thought it resulted due to her past experiences in previous life issues, bullying etc. but it wasnt, i was wrong and its just the way she is. shes has issues...she is selfish (cares pretty much only about her needs and emotions), deflection of all blame, impossible to reason with. She is super-sensitive (without caring about the sensitivities of others).If we go out, meet friends I feel I have to be one step ahead of her and think through and pre-empt situations in case she kicks off, goes in a moody sulk and then just shouts, and probably cries. We had an argument with some friends recently, I naturally stick up for my wife, even though I'm thinking she is wrong but it's embarrasing. One of our friends said she had issues (I agree but obviously dont say it). Even our friends notice what she's like! Ive been putting up with this nonsense for far too long now and have become disappointed in myself and my life. I've always thought I was a nice person and wanted to be around nice people, but think i've made a mistake and becoming angry with myself. I often have big headaches, I know it's terrible thing to think but i've started wondering if I keep having these headaches it'll cause a tumour or something sill that'll eventually kill me and would be an easy way out. Silly I know, but it just makes me feel sad and depressed, although i've the sense not to do anything stupid, it's just the way it makes me feel.I do feel depressed, i've told her i feel down and depressed but apparently she obviously knows me better than i do and i'm not depressed. She is happy around her friends but not with me, she says why don't i go out with my friends much, i just say i don't feel like it. I don't cause I feel sad and unhappy, I just dont feel like celebrating or being happy with my mates.She takes offense to everything the say or do, i'll plan something nice or think of ways to treat her or have a nice time. For example, i'll say shall we go out for dinner tonight or can I take you out for a drink? She'll just turn it down or somehow turn it into an argument, sometimes i think it's best not to say anything to her, cause she'll just turn it into a sarcastic, hurtful comment, eg, i'll say something simple like "It's a nice and hot today", she'll say something like, "Well it's the Summer, what do you expect - snow?". Maybe I just can't take a joke, i'm not sure.Another problem is one minuite she's this nasty horrible person, I think yes I would leave you right now and then the next minute she could be really nice and hugging, loving me etc and I then feel bad and guilty.I'm not sure I know how to deal with her anymore, maybe I need to adjust to her demands. I'm not sure what I need to do. Not sure if anyone has been in the same situation.Thank you for taking the time to read this...
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female
reader, Dazed'n confused  +, writes (29 June 2010):
Well anonymous, one thing I can tell you is this : YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE ! What I don't get is people who go through life miserable for any reason whatsoever. You're obviously miserable, and not that I want to encourage you to leave your wife you should at least speak up. These things tend to build up in a person and after a while I would think it becomes emasculating to have to put up with crap all the time. If you love her to the point that you are not willing to leave her, at least draw a line !!! And if she doesn't want to change, well you're still young and deserve a little happiness which I'm sure you can find. I hope you do what's best for you and ultimately find some happiness...best of luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): She is being emotionally abusive to you and this is having a really quite serious effect on you now. Look up the signs of this on the internet and you will find yourself reading about your wife and her personality precisely. Its time to leave her I think. She will cry, scream, make you feel guilty... you would have to be strong... but for your own sanity and the possibility of happiness you owe it to yourself. My question for you is "What state would you be in if you continue like this for another 10 years?"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): From the start I bet she felt she had total control of the relationship and you. By giving her this control you have turned her into a monster. Of course most women are not like this but she obviously has a personality trait which spurns her on. You need to take the control back.
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A
male
reader, soul83  +, writes (28 June 2010):
OMG! You are describing my current gf... she also has the definite mood swings and her comments last night almost caused me to pack my bags and leave.
I guess I should take this as a forewarning.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): Life is too short buddy, get a divorce.
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A
female
reader, MelissaT  +, writes (28 June 2010):
 You need to understand that people don't change, the beautiful girl that you adore and cherish did not exist from the beginning. This side to her that you are seeing is the real her. you obviously cant take the pain she is causing you anymore, you need to talk to her one final time bc after she is your wife and a commitment like that you cant just walk away. you should also try moving out but don' t give up on your relationship with her.Try a visiting relationship, maybe then you two can work on the issues that are facing and probably at that point she will realize her faults. trust me, this might work.
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A
female
reader, QZ  +, writes (28 June 2010):
 It sounds like you've spent your whole marriage making her happy and neglecting your own. While you should care about your spouse, you also need to care for yourself. She obviously doesn't care as much for you as you do for her, and that's not right. Perhaps the two of you need to take a break from each other? It sounds like you need some time away from her anyway to sort out your life and work on making yourself feel better. You need to put your foot down and not let her rule over you by guilting you any longer. It's not fair to you and you do NOT need to put up with that sort of thing.
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A
female
reader, May27 +, writes (28 June 2010):
 Stop sucking up to her! You deserve better! I used to be in a similar situation as she is in and I promise you that you are only making the situation worse. She needs to have a rude awakening and apparently so do you.This may come across as a bit harsh, but know that the only way out of this situation is to start being honest with her and with yourself.If you relent to her moods and constantly try to make her happy, she will just walk all over you (as she is now). Even when she starts to be nice, it doesn't last (and you know it's not going to). Please, please, please do not let her mistreat you any more. I'm not saying to leave her, but maybe you need some time apart. You want to be the good guy, of course, but please understand that you are not helping her or yourself. She has problems and the only way she'll get better is if you help her realize that she has problems. I know you said that you've spoken to her about it, but you have to be firm. Don't sugar-coat anything and don't let her get the upper-hand. You are in control of your life and she should be happy to be a part of it. Learn to be okay with yourself and then you won't bow down to her, she'll learn to respect you for the man you are.It will be very hard for you to change your ways... but likewise understand it will be hard for her to change as well. It took me about 2 years to make almost a full 180 after I fully realized what a depressing, selfish and venomous person I was. It will take time, but she has to learn the hard way. Don't back down... you teach people how to treat you and you've been teaching her for a while now that she can walk all over you; she needs to be re-educated.If in the process she doesn't want to change and isn't willing to change, then go your own way. She doesn't deserve you - no matter how beautiful she is on the outside. Don't let her wear you down anymore, you are a good man and deserve a good woman.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (28 June 2010):
 Hi Hunny
I really want to help you, But this is a difficult situation I could say she sounds awfull selfish, nasty, and mean and then I think maybe she needs to see a doctor and get refered to a councellor as it is obvious she has some kind of problem..
But what ever problems she has she has mannaged to take you down with her, You no longer want to enjoy yourself, You are depressed unhappy to say the least. I really think that instead of trying so hard to make your wife happy you now need to start making you feel better.
You have done all you can do and by the sounds of things she is taking the piss and just being sarcastic and she sounds angry..
It is a very unhappy situation and I would say talk but Im thinking you may be way past that now, You really need to help yourself right now. If you have told your wife you are feeling unhappy and depressed and she does not want to know then you need to make an appointment and go and see someone who will listen to what you have told us hunny...It is very important that you look after you. What you said about the headaches and the way you were feeling Is quite worrying, You say you wouldnt do anything but you wish you could just get out.
Please get some help for you sweetheart you need to get strong again and then make a decition on what you want to do about your marriage..Please take care of you with love MANDY XXXXX
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 June 2010):
I'd say that you need counselling with this woman. But from your response, I think we both know she'd just sweep it aside. This woman comes across as a bit of a sociopath to be honest. She flashes to anger, ruins friendships and treats you like first, and yet occasionally is able to turn on the charm, manipulate you and make you feel loved. Seriously, check out the word 'sociopath' on the internet. It's classed as a personality disorder, and is next to untreatable. You could adjust to every one of her demands. You know what that would achieve? Nothing. She'd just have even more demands, or she'd change her mind. She's making you depressed to the point where you are having thoughts of dying. That is a good enough reason to leave. I think the time has come for you to just end it and run for your life. There is no other way. She's not going to change, and you're just going to continue to be unhappy. Ditch this woman and make a new life for yourself.
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