A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello, hope all of you are doing well with god's blessings upon us every day.My question is I have been in a relationship for 7 years now with a married man with wife and three kids. I am a moslem am not growing younger, he is a roman catholic plus his wife. Is there a chance of having true happiness here, since now we are both getting older and I need someone near me for the rest of my life.I see there is no future with him, he is always saying that he should think about it, and that I should give him more time.On my side I think his answer is no but he wants to let go slowly.Please advice me on this urgently.Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): im in the same situation and i am also married. its really hard to let go, considering that my husband is so insensitive and doesnt notice me at all. for 6 years that i have been married ,i never felt the happiness that im feeling right now and this is so undescribable.But its not all that, at the end of the day you will feel empty and missing the person more and more each day and im just hurting myself even more for he can never be mine and he's not leaving his wife, and i really have to end it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): I have also been involved with a married man for 7 years. When we started getting involved I was also married. However I couldnt stay married as I was so in love with my married man. What makes it worse is that I also work for him. Over the years he has said he will leave and wait for a good time then something always comes up. The latest being her dad has died. I nee to break free from him totally really but the job I have there is very good and my child has to come first so the job is conveient. But what do I do . I love him so very much. Im not a marriage wrcked I was also married when i met him, plus his wife has cheated on him previously. Please someone offer me the advice I need.
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A
female
reader, secret  +, writes (22 August 2007):
 hi...7 years is a long time to be a mistress.. dont u think so?
i know its hard cos i am quite in the same situation as you. the difference is that i am the one married and i have been in relationship with my lover for the past 4 years now. things is i realise that i am in love with my lover and going to leave my husband. u need to ask him to decide who he wants to be. you cannot be his bit on the side forever. where do u guys find time to meet each other?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): Agree with Hit-the-road,jack. It is women like you that allow a weak and selfish man to have his pleasures. Perhaps he is getting a clean slate everytime he has confession but you need to look at yourself big time being happy to be the "other women" for this many years. I also think you need help with your own morals and religious values. What on earth are you waiting for to get it, another 7 years!
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A
female
reader, hit-the-road,jack... +, writes (22 August 2007):
stop being a marriage wrecker and get out of the relationship,
and also it seems hypocritical to me starting your message about adultery with "gods blessing upon us", which god condones adultery?
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (22 August 2007):
 Hi there,
You know this guy's not going to leave his wife and kids for you or anyone else.....7 years is a long time to sit on the side lines, don't you want a husband and family of your own?
Let this guy go and make a life with a future for yourself, you don't have a future with him!
Don't end up in years to come regretting wasting your life on someone who already has what you yearn for, it may be too late by then to fulfill your own dreams.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): When you meet a man who is truly available (and you can only do this by letting go of this married guy)you will realise how wonderful it is not to sneak around, to be able to plan a future and to have a proper life. It is time to be happy - cut yourself free.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (22 August 2007):
 Hi
You've already answered your own question in your head for all 7 of those years havent you :o(
wow, 7 years, thats alotta wasted years.
Good luck.
C xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (22 August 2007):
 You've wasted 7 years of your life being someone's bit on the side, how sad. To think that when you look in the mirror no honor or integrity looks back, how sad. In the years to come when he sits on the couch with his wife and grandkids, you'll be all alone, how sad.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): hunni he cannot ask you for more time, 7 years is quite long enough. its time to give him the final oppertunity to be with you, however it sounds as if he has other things on his mind. you cant just expect to him to up and leave his life so whatever his final decision is you have to carry it through. however hard it may be. it may be best to cut him off totally.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): I am in a situation like you, but on the other side (the married one). I have grown to believe that it is possible to love 2 people, both very much. People always suggest that the married ones in these cases are evil people and that they are using others for sex, comfort, whatever, but I know that is not always true. This man clearly loves you dearly or he would have stopped seeing you a long time ago when initial feelings of lust waded. He is still in a relationship with you after 7 years, which has to be based on love and not lust.
He might not leave his wife because he loves her also and might not really want to break up his marriage. Never think that this means he doesn't care for you, he does and also does not want to lose you. That might be why his answers are a bit vague about wheter he will leave her. He might be very scared that his true answer will chase you away, because he does not want to lose you.
It is for you to decide if you want to continue having a relationship with him that is not totally fulfilling, but has never the less a lot of meaning to you. If you start another relationship with someone, do you feel very strongly that you have to break your relationship with the married man, or could you maybe consider a close friendship without sex with the married man?
Look at all your options and what is best for you in the long run and ask your married man to open up and help you with these choices. Good luck.
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