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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: ok so i am 16 yrs old and i haven't had a bf yet! where i come from it's not bad not to have had a bf..and i have never been asked out on a date before as i have been really fat but now managed to be 180lb is that really fat..i mean my mom says i am not skinny but i am not fat!..so is it really cuz i was fat or is it something else..i am really shy but many say i am a showoff! i have been asked on a date only twice but both times were jokinly?? i mean why would they do that make fun of me?so is there any advice how to get my confidence back in my self? is there anything wrong with me so i haven't had a bf yet!! plz help despearte!!
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female
reader, NuttyGooner  +, writes (2 March 2007):
 There's nothing wrong with you at all, teen boys are not exactly the most tactful, nor the most sensitive types! You're still young, sweetie - and I was a late bloomer, crikey, you wouldn't recognise me from my school photos!I saw boys do that to my friends, and it really upset me seeing what it did to them, so I pretty much made a resolution to myself not to hold any interest until I finished my studies - Try that for yourself too, even if it is for a little while! It's not that extreme when you think about it.I have to admit, because of this my mother gave me the "It's okay to be gay" speech when I was 15 - I had to explain to her that a lot of the lads at school are immature prats, and I was more interested in me and my future than a boy who will inevitably break my heart in a few weeks and I wasn't ready for that. She was rather relieved!If you put yourself first and just keep turning down these stupid and immature boys, you will keep yourself off limits to these kids mind games, because they realise it won't work - more importantly you will feel good about yourself turning them down, and you will see a more positive change in your confidence because you have put yourself out of a position for it to get knocked.That's not an excuse not to take care of yourself, flirt, have a giggle, enjoy yourself, don't be afraid to dress nicely or try a new look - just do it for yourself!
A
female
reader, x.Helpful.Cupid.x +, writes (1 March 2007):
 Hiya!Oh god, boys can be complete idiots, if they joke around tell them to get lost. You need a lad that really cares about you!! It dosent matter that you havent had a bf..its your choice! Just be confident, and if theres a boy you like, try a bit of flirting..and if he dosent read the signs..just ask if he wants to go out some time..and see what he says!!Good luck xx
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A
male
reader, Cauthorn  +, writes (1 March 2007):
I feel for you on this one. I was the exact same way when I was in junior high (granted I'm only a senior, but, you wouldn't recognize me at all if you were to see a picture from then and now).To answer your question as to why, it's simple: people are assholes. I'm sorry if the language offends anyone, but it's true. People can (and will) be assholes. I'm not sure there's much else that can be said about this; no matter what you look like, there's always something that can be said about you, ALWAYS. The trick is to not let it bother you.Now, has your love life been the way it has because of your weight? I honestly don't know. I can't say yes, and at the same time I can't say no. I can tell you, however, that if other people base their relationships off of looks and need their significant other to be this gorgeous model, they're not going to be lasting very long.How do you derive a solution for this one? Well, maybe you're not a supermodel. So what? The most important thing is that you be true to yourself. My best advice to you is to be true to your heart; it depends upon our honesty for its survival. Be who you want to be, and if that means changing, well, then, if that's what you really want, then go for it. Just as long as you're who you want to be, you'll be fine. The trick to this one is playing the waiting game to find out who will see the real you.Hope this helps. Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, R71 +, writes (1 March 2007):
I'm not gonna lie. People who are overweight find it a lot harder to get into relationships. I think the reason for this is less obvious than it seems: Being overweight affects your self-esteem and low self-esteem is a turn off for most men.Being overweight is not the end of the world. Even if you find it impossible to lose weight there are a ton of things you can do to help youself out...1. Dont be afraid to dress nicely.2. Shed your shyness. Make friends and start going out.3. Dont be afraid to flirt with guys.4. Do not come across desparate.Dont expect too much too soon. You are still young but by working on some of those points you will slowly start to notice a change in yourself and your success.
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A
male
reader, Abacadaba +, writes (1 March 2007):
 how do you mean jokily? like they said 'meet me here' but they didnt turn up? or like, 'yeh wanna go cinema?...joke!'and no, there is nothing wrong with you, i know alot of people my age (17) that havent had a girlfriend/boyfriend, to be honest, just live life, dont dwell on the fact you dont have a boyfriend but all your friends do, your time will come, there is sombody for everybody. i sometimes wonder why i dont have a girlfriend, but i dont let it get me down because i know sooner or later somebody will come along. Self confidence is a strange thing, im not very self confident, but i met a girl a few months back, who i could totally be myself with, i was so comfortable, the first thing we did when we met was kiss (we talked online for a few weeks before hand), it was just so surreal and perfect, we just clicked, and yet, i went out with a old friend from school for a drink, who ive known since i was about 5, and even then i was nervous around her. So i suggest just wait untill somebody who you have a natural bond with comes along, you will know who it is. All the best
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A
female
reader, nicola79 +, writes (1 March 2007):
 You are still really young sweety,so dont worry about not having a bf yet. The people who asked you out for fun are nasty nasty people and what goes around comes around.
Just be your self,because when you do meet mr right you dont want to be acting forever.
It doesnt matter if you are the biggest girl in the world or the smallest,its your personallity darling. You seem a really nice girl and if you dont get asked out just yet dont worry because it will happen,and when it does you will never look back.
I wish you all the best,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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